Rand Paul partakes in yearly Festivus 'airing of grievances' and takes aim at Clinton, Trump, and Cruz
Republican Sen. Rand Paul unloaded his grievances on Twitter Saturday morning in what has become an annual tradition in celebration of the faux holiday Festivus.
The fictional holiday, first popularized in a 1997 episode of the hit sitcom series Seinfeld, is celebrated every December 23 by people frustrated with the commercialized aspects of Christmas. In keeping with its traditions, Festivus enthusiasts like Paul participate in what is called an "airing of grievances," in which they typically vent about people or things that disappoint them.
Paul, who has been airing his grievances since as far back as 2013, took friendly digs at a number of prominent political figures, including his fellow Republicans. But first, he wanted to clear things up with Fox News.
Before we get started, I need to alert @FoxNews and someone in DC that this is NOT a war on Christmas. It’s a war on everything else.
Next, he took aim at former Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton and her book, "What Happened," which is her account of the 2016 election.
I hear that many people are saying great thinks about Hillary’s book and It won some major major awards. That’s great for her, seriously. pic.twitter.com/TjuIUbDniK
He then imagined President Donald Trump's reaction to Clinton's book while he mocked Trump's previous claims that his 1987 book, 'The Art of the Deal,' is his second favorite book, after the Bible
I hear even @realDonaldTrump loved It. He said It was the “third best book ever written”.
That’s high praise considering he thinks the first two were both inspired by God.
It wouldn't be an airing of grievances without mentioning Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, who is often derided by his colleagues in Congress. Paul referenced Cruz's recent feud over net neutrality with "Star Wars" veteran Mark Hamill, who portrayed Luke Skywalker in the hit film franchise.
There are how many million Americans who’ve wanted to force-choke Ted, and he picked on the one who could do It. Brave, he is pic.twitter.com/rL5c65wMoH
Next, Paul transitioned to extra-terrestrial life, jokingly lashing out at former Democratic Sen. Harry Reid for not telling him more about aliens. The New York Times revealed last week that Reid was behind a secret Pentagon program created in 2007 for the purpose of investigating UFOs.
HOW IS IT YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE ALIENS, HARRY??!
And finally, Paul made sure to go after his Senate colleague Orrin Hatch for having "better pot jokes" than him. Hatch, the senior US senator from Utah, made headlines in September for introducing a bill — in an especially pun-filled mannerto facilitate medical marijuana research.
Somehow, an octogenarian Mormon has better pot jokes than I do. This has been bothering me for a while. #HappyFestivus