Yahoo Picks: Want to face fright without the jump scares? The coward's viewing guide to getting scared safely on Halloween.
After seeing a commercial for a particularly terrifying movie, do you pull up Wikipedia to read the plot summary? Do you attempt to watch horror, but do so only with the lights on and the knowledge you'll be averting your eyes or looking away from the screen on a few occasions? Well then this is the guide for you.
Every October, I am presented with the conflict of loving the aesthetics and lore around the genre while at the same time, being a giant coward about actually watching frightening TV shows and movies. This Halloween, I'd like to use my trial-and-error-and-nightmare process to assist others who face a similar dilemma.
Some entries have their share of gnarly deaths and real frights but they're mostly a fun time, lacking in jump scares, extreme body horror or intense, overwhelming dread. Other selections are not traditionally fright-inducing but will help you embrace the spirit of spooky season.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Are slashers, in general, or Michael Myers, specifically, not your things? Then fear not, because this is the only movie in the franchise not to feature the big guy; instead turning to those traditional horror antagonists of…Irish people and robots. This plays out as more of a creepy detective film with some great gross effects work, a classic John Carpenter score and an earworm of a commercial jingle. The plot is absolute nonsense, but I'll try my best to explain: Pittsburgh legend Tom Atkins plays a doctor who in the aftermath of a patient's murder joins the deceased's daughter in an investigation of a sketchy toy factory in a town where everyone is Irish. Four more days 'til Halloween.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch is streaming on Peacock and AMC+.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II
The second movie on the list also has nothing to do with an original starring Jamie Lee Curtis (in this instance, 1980's Prom Night). Another bonkers plot involves the spirit of a high school mean girl who was killed during her senior prom and returns to terrorize the current students and her former flame, now the principal. Wendy Lyon delivers an excellent performance as Vicki, the student who is eventually possessed by Mary Lou, whose supernatural powers extend to killing via a haunted cape, gym lockers and a computer. Mary Lou should be part of the horror villain canon.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II is streaming on Peacock, Shudder, Tubi, Freevee, Pluto and AMC+.
The Cabin in the Woods
Wes Craven's Scream and New Nightmare are the top tier of meta-horror but Cabin holds its own without the grisly knifework. Seeing the strings of how the genre works eases some — but certainly not all — of the tension, mixing in dashes of a Richard Jenkins-Bradley Whitford workplace comedy to go along with all the trope deconstruction you can handle. If you’re trying to overcome your fears, why not confront every horror movie foe at the same time in some well-lit office hallways? As a bonus for Marvel fans, you get a pre-Thor Chris Hemsworth foretelling his ability to play both dashing and goofy.
The Cabin in the Wood is streaming on Max and The Roku Channel.
Hubie Halloween
We’ve now crossed the threshold into a place where you can comfortably watch in the dark with no concerns. While there are jump scares here, they're all directed within the movie at Adam Sandler's Hubie Dubois, a well-meaning lunkhead who simply wants to protect his hometown of Salem, Mass., on Halloween — despite being terrified of nearly everything. That task becomes trickier with an asylum escapee on the loose, a strange new neighbor played by Steve Buscemi and an all-star cast of bullies who take glee in tormenting Hubie, which include Maya Rudolph, Tim Meadows and the late, great Ray Liotta. It's a Happy Gilmore reunion with Julie Bowen as the love interest while Oscar nominee June Squibb is Hubie's supporting mother. This is not in the upper echelon of Sandler movies, but he and everyone else are having a blast.
Hubie Halloween is streaming on Netflix.
Over The Garden Wall
A 10-episode miniseries that clocks in at 109 minutes, we're comfortable placing this here alongside more traditional features. The only animated entry, Over the Garden Wall follows the adventures of Wirt and Greg, two brothers who are lost in a forest known as The Unknown along with a pet frog and bird ally voiced by Melanie Lynskey. A perfect mix of creepy (there is a Beast, a witch, a ghost story and an eerie harvest festival) and cozy, you also get gorgeous animation, lovely music and at least one laugh-out-loud line from Greg per episode. Grab some cider and take this in during a single sitting to maximize all autumnal sensations.
Over the Garden Wall is streaming on Hulu.
