Women: Would you rather meet a bear or a man alone in the woods? I’d pick the bear | Opinion

Women: If you’re alone in the woods, would you rather meet a bear or a man?

The answer, for many women it seems, is a bear. This societal revelation has, of course, made a lot of men very mad — rather proving our point.

Opinion

The question went viral online this week, prompting discussions and arguments between the sexes worldwide. The comments from women on these posts and videos are harrowing: “At least the bear sees me as a human being.” “People would believe me if I said I was attacked by a bear.” “If I survive the bear attack, I won’t have to see the bear at family reunions.”

My own, long-dead, grandfather was both a lumberjack and a pedophile; so I know I’d much rather meet a bear in the woods, too. At the very least, I’d know the bear’s intentions, and no one would ask me what I was wearing in the woods, or if I led the bear on somehow with my feminine wiles or bare shoulders.

The men who are angry about this fail to see the hypocrisy in their response: Even in a hypothetical situation, they can’t accept a woman saying “no” to them.

I’ll admit though, this whole scenario is possibly slander — to an attacking bear, I mean. Allegations of an attack could ruin a bear’s life, and I heard he has a bright future ahead of him on Stanford University’s Tree Climbing team.

(Unfortunately, no bears were able to be reached for comment.)

In all seriousness, according to the North American Bear Center, on their charmingly-named website, www.bear.org, bears are incredibly unlikely to kill someone.

Writes the Bear Center’s founder, Dr. Lynn Rogers: “The 750,000 black bears of North America kill less than one person per year on the average, while men ages 18-24 are 167 times more likely to kill someone.”

Every year, there are 433,648 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault in the U.S., according to the Sexual Assault Victims Advocacy Center. One out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime, while only 1 out of every 33 American men have, and 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. The National Institute of Health found that men who have been raped overwhelmingly report the perpetrator was another man, in 87% of cases.

Every 68 seconds another American is sexually assaulted, statistically by a man, reports the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.

Meanwhile, black bears have killed just 61 people in North America in the last 124 years. You have a much higher chance of being killed by a dog (30-50 people per year), a swarm of bees (100 people per year), or by lightning (28 people per year).

That’s not to say bears aren’t scary. They’re just far less scary than meeting a strange man alone in the woods, and much more likely to understand “no” than a man.

“(Bears’) most common aggressive displays are merely rituals they perform when they are nervous,” Rogers wrote.

Well, at least bears have that in common with men.

I will, in writing this column, likely receive at least one email from an angry man telling me he hopes I will be raped by a bear in the forest. I guarantee you, the irony will be lost on him.