Where Do Joe Alwyn’s Post-Split Comments Rank Among Other Taylor Swift Exes?

Where Do Joe Alwyn's Post-Split Comments Rank Among Other Taylor Swift Exes?
Where Do Joe Alwyn's Post-Split Comments Rank Among Other Taylor Swift Exes?

Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn

It’s a brave man who dates — and then stops dating — Taylor Swift. With her long history of writing revealing lyrics that allude to (but never fully confirm) past relationships, anyone who takes the plunge is signing up to hear their personality being dissected on Spotify for many years to come.

Until now, Joe Alwyn — undoubtedly Swift’s most serious ex, since they dated for well over six years — has been pretty private about their relationship. But in an interview with The Sunday Times the actor, 33, finally addressed their break-up, which, appears to be extensively documented on Swift’s latest album, The Tortured Poets Department.

Being a classy guy, though, Alwyn has managed to say quite a lot of words without really giving away anything at all. Nice move!

“In thinking on what I was going to say, I would think and hope that anyone and everyone can empathize … This isn’t a direct answer to your question, but just thinking about what I want to talk about,” he said, sounding somewhat like a slightly bumbling Hugh Grant character in a Richard Curtis movie. “I would hope that anyone and everyone can empathize and understand the difficulties that come with the end of a long, loving, fully committed relationship of over six and a half years. That is a hard thing to navigate. What is unusual and abnormal in this situation is that, one week later, it’s suddenly in the public domain and the outside world is able to weigh in.”

Alwyn went on: “So you have something very real suddenly thrown into a very unreal space: tabloids, social media, press, where it is then dissected, speculated on, pulled out of shape beyond recognition. And the truth is, to that last point, there is always going to be a gap between what is known and what is said. I have made my peace with that. As everyone knows, we together — both of us, mutually — decided to keep the more private details of our relationship private. It was never something to commodify and I see no reason to change that now.”

So, if Alwyn is the super-diplomatic one from Swift’s back catalog of ex-boyfriends, how did the others fare when they too publicly responded to her documenting their relationships in her art?

The unconvincing one: Matty Healy

What, me? And Taylor Swift? In a song? That’s the general vibe whenever The 1975 frontman Matty Healy is asked about their romance, and his rumored presence in songs like "But Daddy I Love Him" and "The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived." “Oh!” he responded, when asked how he felt. “I haven’t really listened to that much of it but I’m sure it’s good.”

As if anyone could resist listening to a song about them — let alone someone as attention-loving as the lead singer in a rock band. Here at Us we’re secretly hoping Healy is playing the long game and might come back with his own lyrics about Swift…

The kind one: Harry Styles

Not much real juice is known about Swift’s rumored relationship with Harry Styles that happened way back in 2012, but the singer, now 30, is the supposed subject of several songs, including "Out Of The Woods" and "Style". “I’m lucky if everything [we went through] helped create those songs,” he told Rolling Stone in 2017, while refusing to confirm if they were definitely about him. “That’s what hits your heart. That’s the stuff that’s hardest to say, and it’s the stuff I talk least about. That’s the part that’s about the two people. And she’s really good, so they’re really good songs. So I’m lucky in that sense!”

Cute, very cute; you can tell this one ended on good terms.

Out of the Woods! Taylor Swift and Harry Styles’ Relationship Timeline

The one who’s in denial: Jake Gyllenhaal

"All Too Well (10 Minute Version)" is arguably one of the greatest break-up songs of all time, and even though the whole world is confident that the scathing lyrics are about Jake Gyllenhaal, he simply hates confronting it.

“It has nothing to do with me,” he told Esquire in 2022. “It’s about her relationship with her fans. It is her expression. Artists tap into personal experiences for inspiration, and I don’t begrudge anyone that.”

Riiiight. However, in a simultaneously adorable and bewildering twist, a secret Instagram account rumored to belong to Gyllenhaal’s cat Ms Fluffle Stilt Skin — but that presumably requires a human to operate it — did respond to the song, saying, alongside a sad photo, “MEOUCH — y’all need to clam [sic] down and stop cyber bullying.”

The fiercely private one: Calvin Harris

We’re not saying Calvin Harris regrets his relationship with Swift but, as her exes go, he seems the least comfortable with all the attention.

“It’s very difficult when something I consider so personal plays out very publicly,” the DJ told British GQ back in 2016, a few months on from their split. “The aftermath of the relationship was way more heavily publicized than the relationship itself. When we were together, we were very careful for it not to be a media circus. She respected my feelings in that sense. I'm not good at being a celebrity."

The angry one: John Mayer

As one of Swift’s first high-profile relationships — and definitely one of her most controversial, given their age gap (when they dated, she was 19 and he was 32) — John Mayer said he was a little blindsided when he heard "Dear John", the 2010 song about their short, doomed romance. In 2012 he told Rolling Stone it was “cheap songwriting” and added, “It made me feel terrible. Because I didn't deserve it. I'm pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do. I was really caught off guard, and it really humiliated me at a time when I'd already been dressed down. I mean, how would you feel if, at the lowest you've ever been, someone kicked you even lower?"

Ouch. The good news is, he’s over it now, saying in 2021 that “Sometimes a song is so good, I go ‘Man, I hope it’s about me!”.” Could it be Mayer has finally realized he was onto a good thing, what with Swift being such a big star these days?

Taylor Swift’s Song Lyrics Decoded: Celebrities Featured in Her Songs

The fun one: Taylor Lautner

Ahh, who remembers the good old days of Taylor and Taylor? Swift dated Twilight actor and Valentine's Day costar Taylor Lautner back in 2009, when they were both still teenagers, and went on to write 2012 track “Back to December” about him. “It was a good time, it was a fun few months there!” he said in a Facebook live in 2016. “I don’t know why you guys want to talk about it. That’s what she does. She writes songs. It’s good music. I listen to it!’

More recently, in 2023, Lautner joked that he “felt safe” compared to John Mayer, and, refreshingly, even his wife, Taylor Dome (yes, Taylor and Taylor part deux!) seems to find the whole thing amusing, posting a video via TikTok captioned “Praying for John” showing Lautner praying while listening to “Dear John”.

It’s official — the sign of a secure and healthy marriage is being able to make jokes about your spouse dating Taylor Swift. And it pays off; Lautner was even invited on stage at an Eras show in Kansas City, Missouri, in July last year, and both he and Dome are firm Swifties.

The grateful one: Tom Hiddleston

Hiddleswift was a short-lived sensation, causing speculation that the 2016 romance between Swift and the Marvel actor was a publicity stunt. “Of course it was real,” Tom Hiddleston told GQ the following year. “Taylor is an amazing woman. She's generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time. I only know the woman I met. She’s incredible.”

If there isn’t already a song about Hiddleston, it sounds like he would be delighted for Swift to write one!

The totally chill one: Joe Jonas

In "Invisible String" on Swift’s folklore album, she sings about sending a gift to her old boyfriend’s baby — and it’s strongly rumored to be about Joe Jonas, who she dated for a short time when the pair were still in their teens. And guess what? He doesn’t mind at all!

“That’s part of being a musician, I guess,” he told Access Hollywood in 2015. “You write songs about each other. She’s great. Yeah, we’re friends. In this industry, you meet a lot of people and you stay in touch. Obviously, it's tough to be friends with people that are always constantly traveling, but yeah, we're cool."

The happily ever after one: Travis Kelce?

So, will Swift’s next album be about her unlikely but seemingly blissful relationship with NFL superstar Travis Kelce — unlikely because he’s not British or a musician; she’s gone way against type! — or is she finally so happy that she doesn’t feel the need to turn it into art? Time will tell…