Want to Enjoy Time With Your Kids More? Spend Less Time With Them

Hear me out.

Taking time to rest, relax and rejuvenate will actually help you and your kids enjoy family time more. Here’s how to make that happen.

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As working moms with more obligations than any of us are designed to handle on our own, we often feel like we don’t get enough time with our kids during the week. As a result, we spend every minute with them on the weekends. While this sounds great in theory, it weirdly leaves us feeling drained.

We don’t get to read that fun book collecting dust on the bedside table. We don’t get that nap we’ve been craving all week. And we don’t get a handle on the grocery shopping and laundry that would make next week run so much smoother.

What’s worse is that we also don’t enjoy our time with our kids as much as we want to—and then judge ourselves for it. Instead of focusing on our kids, we’re consumed by thoughts of what else we could be doing and we may even start to resent them for taking up all of our free time. Not to mention, when we’re tired and scrolling our phones to give our minds a break, we beat ourselves up for not being present with our kids.

This isn’t working. So, let’s change it.

Independent time will make you happier

If I could magically give you four extra hours each weekend during which you could read the book, take the nap, paint, hike alone, do the laundry while listening to an audiobook, do your Target shopping in peace with a coffee, or whatever would make you laugh or feel more alive, do you think that—during the rest of the weekend—you’d be able to be more present for and enjoy the time you spend with your kids?

My guess is a solid yes. Getting time alone to use however you’d like is basically every mom’s dream. Getting that time to do something that lights you up would give you the energy and mental breathing space to actually enjoy the time you do spend with your kids.

(As a bit of a side note, if you’re not really sure what you’d do with that time, don’t judge yourself. It’s likely been a while since you had free time and you’re out of practice. Just know you can explore things you used to enjoy or new things you have been thinking about trying—and you’ll slowly discover what you enjoy doing individually again.)

Now, I can’t magically give you an extra four hours, but I can ask you to consider that carving out those four hours each weekend just for you (whether on a Saturday morning or in two two-hour blocks) would free up your mind to really enjoy the rest of your weekend with your family. While you may have less time with your kids, it’ll be better quality time for everyone.

But how, you might ask? Let’s explore that.

Child care isn’t just for work

If you take anything away from this article, let it be this: child care (or having your co-parent temporarily solo-parent) is not just for when you have work or scheduled appointments.

Too many women only line up child care when it feels “justified”, i.e., for work, a haircut, a doctor’s appointment, or a scheduled event with a friend. But child care can also be used to create breathing space, to rest, or to get things done that would make your future life easier.

And while it may feel weird to line up child care and spend time away from your kids for no “productive” purpose, it’ll ultimately help you feel more refreshed and enjoy your kids more when you do spend time with them. Just because it benefits you doesn’t mean that it doesn’t benefit them too—everyone will be happier if you’re happier.

Lining up kid coverage for your independent time

Let’s get strategic about how to get the childcare coverage you need to get this alone time.

One option comes down to this principle: weekend time does not need to be “whole family time” all weekend long. While family time is awesome, you could have hours of it each weekend while still splitting the remaining time with your partner so you both get independent time.

For example, you could have a default schedule where you have family time every morning, you take the kids from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m., your partner takes them from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m. (more if kids nap in that window), and you have family time in the evening. Personalize this for your family and stay flexible with it. Having a default schedule like this helps you and your partner get that independent time each and every weekend. You could do this for one weekend day, both days, or a personalized approach that works around kid activities.

Another option, particularly if you don’t like bartering with your partner for free time, is to schedule, for example, four hours of paid child care (or grandparent or friend help) on a Saturday morning. This would allow both of you to have four hours to do your own thing without imposing solo-parenting on the other.

You could also trade weekend mornings with a mom friend, watching her kids one Saturday to give her the morning off and flipping the situation the next weekend. Bring the group up to three or four moms, and you could have a situation where two moms watch all kids while also getting some adult conversation—and the other two moms get mornings to themselves.

You could also send the kids to their grandparents or to an aunt or uncle’s house every Friday night and pick them up Saturday afternoon to make space for a date night and some alone time. There are so many ways to do this, and you may find that a mix of these methods works best for you and your family. Find a way that feels most comfortable to you, and give it a whirl.

Quality over quantity

Your kids aren’t clocking the hours to see how much time you’ve spent with them. What they remember is your presence, your demeanor, and how you made them feel. Similarly, you won’t remember the number of hours you spent with your kids—you’ll remember how you felt when you did. When you’re more rested, rejuvenated, and relaxed, you’ll all enjoy the time more. And isn’t that the goal?

​​Kelly Nolan is an attorney-turned-time management strategist and mom. Using realistic time management strategies, she helps modern working women manage everything on their plate with less stress and more calm clarity. To get Kelly's free guide on how to ditch your overwhelm, click here.