The ties of love: Often, family — like happiness — is where you find it | Opinion

During my 84-plus years of living, I have learned to appreciate the smaller things in life; the things that many of us take for granted. Among those seemingly smaller things, is family. There is nothing quite like family. But the family you were born into may not be your only family.

Some families bicker among themselves, and yet are fiercely protective when outsiders try to break down the façade that surrounds them, keeping them together, and using the blood-is-thicker-than-water theory. That theory is a mystery, and even more-so, when “outsiders” are adopted into the family — people who don’t share the same blood line. While there is no actual real blood between them, these adopted members become such a part of the family that one would think that they really are blood relatives.

Then there are the families who are so “tight” that bickering is not an option. They keep the peace between themselves at all costs. And any occasion is special to these families: a birthday, a wedding, a baby Christening, a wedding anniversary and even the birthdays of their aging grandparents. For them, any occasion is the right time to celebrate.

These thoughts about family came to mind recently when I spent the Thanksgiving holiday with my grandson Asher, and his auntie and uncle — Marny and Ayden Beasley, and his cousin, Avory Clark, in Bloomington, Indiana. This is the second year that Marny and Ayden have invited me to spend the holiday with them, keeping alive a tradition that was started nine years ago by my grandson Asher’s late mom, Stephanie.

It is through my Bloomington family that I was introduced to Tony and Fil, their next-door neighbors, who embraced me lovingly. Being in Bloomington, a city that I never dreamed that I would ever visit, has convinced me more than ever that it isn’t only the blood that makes people relatives. It’s the respect and love that they are willing to show and share with each other.

Because my own immediate family is so small, knowing Marny, Ayden and Avory, has increased my family members to numbers that I never dreamed possible.

I have one biological sibling, my dear brother Adam; a few cousins on my mom’s side; and a few cousins on my dad’s side. But 54 years ago, this past November, my brother gifted me with a sister, when he married Eula Valerie Pitt, a pretty, shy Jamaican woman whom he met in England while serving there in the U.S. Air Force.

When my brother was sent back to the States in 1970, he was assigned to the old Homestead Air Force Base (destroyed by Hurricane Andrew in 1992). He and his young family had to move in with us (me, my mom, and my two sons), because back then, in 1970, the base was still segregated, and he had to live with us until a place near the base in Homestead was found for him and his family. (President Harry S. Truman signed the executive order banning segregation in the Armed Forces in 1948, but it took a few decades for it to be fully implemented.)

It seemed that overnight, our tiny immediate family grew fast as my brother and Val blessed us with two sons, Patrick and Kevin, and later, a daughter Tracie. Added to my two sons, James (Rick) and Shawn, they brought the total number of Mom’s grandchildren to five, delighting her to no end.

Finding ways to learn and connect

Ours — mine and Val’s (as we call her) — was an awkward relationship at first. Our cultures were so different. We had to find ways to connect, to learn and love each other’s culture and each other. And we did.

Val and I learned that we had a shared interests — sewing and cooking. So, we started there, sitting up nights to design and sew new outfit. Out of these late-night sewing sessions, we learned a lot about each other.

Cooking together brought us even closer. Val taught me how to cook and enjoy akee and salt fish. And because of the Chinese in Val’s family line, she knew how to cook Asian dishes and taught me how to cook several, such as my favorite, fried rice. Learning to connect over these simple rituals helped us to learn respect for each other’s culture, and honor them.

Soon, I was introduced to members of Val’s family, and one day, my mother, the late Ida Belle Johnson, and her friend, the late Cherrie Turner, visited with Val’s family in Jamaica. Little by little, the ties that bound us solely to our own cultures were broken, and before long, Mom was “Granny” to Val’s nieces and nephews, and I was “Aunt Bea.” Today, Val is more than my sister-in-law. She is my thick-as-blood sister. And I love her as such.

These thoughts about family are often in my mind. But they are more present, though, during the holiday season. I am so honored to have been able to spend Thanksgiving with my family in Bloomington. And the Good Lord willing, I will be spending Christmas with another side of my family — my son Shawn, granddaughter Afra and her husband Bradford, her mom Mary Anne, and the newest member of our family little Loretta (Lolo) my great-granddaughter who is 2. Truly my cup is runneth over!

I am aware that not everyone is able to spend the holidays with biological family. However, I am convinced that family, like happiness, is where you find it. I can say this because over the years, I have become a collector of new family members. I have met them everywhere — on the job, where I have found and made lasting relationships, in the airport, on airplanes and cruises, and through this column and the technology of the simple email.

I been blessed abundantly with godchildren, who love me, and I love them right back. I have made endearing and lasting friendship, loving each one like real family. To me, dear friends, this is a gift to me from our Heavenly Father.

So, during this holiday season, when so many people are depressed and alone, let us try to reach out to someone that we know to be alone. Let’s show them that they are not alone and make them feel loved. And cared about.

In doing so, the lonely person(s) you reach out to just might become your new family member(s). It just might be well worth it.

Miami Women’s Club event on Tuesday

The Miami Women’s Club will honor Paulette Pfeifer “Tinkerbell” from Silent Victims of Crime at 8 p.m. on Dec. 6, at the Miami Woman’s Clubhouse, 1737 N. Bayshore Dr.

The MWC, which has as its mission to assist children of inmates, will be accepting donations of $20 gift cards and unwrapped toys through Dec. 17 for the Silent Victims of Crime organization.

Persons who wish to contribute may contact Shirley Pardon, president of the Miami Woman’s Club, at Shirleypardon@gmail.com to arrange to bring your donations to the club office.

For more information on the Dec. 6 meeting and the donations to Silent Victims of Crime, please call the office at 786-615-3313.

Bea Hines can be reached at Bea.Hines@gmail.com

Bea Hines can be reached at Bea.Hines@gmail.com