Taylor Swift's 'Anti-Hero' Song Lyrics Explore Her Insecurities
Some of "Midnights" songs are about Taylor Swift's love story with Joe Alwyn, like "Lavender Haze" and "Sweet Nothing," and others are about revenge — and but "Anti-Hero" is all about her.
Although Swift herself may be a role model for many, she said that she doesn’t necessarily see that same sentiment reflected in herself.
"I don't think I've really delved this far into my insecurities in this detail before," Swift said in an Instagram video released ahead of the album .
Swift is no stranger to being transparent with fans about her struggles, including disordered eating and feelings of grief and loss. She said that "Anti-Hero" is be a "guided tour" through all of those insecurities.
"I struggle a lot with the idea that my life has become unmanageably sized and not to sound too dark, but I struggle with the idea of not feeling like a person. This song is a real guided tour throughout all the things I tend to hate about myself," she said.
The music video, which dropped the morning the album was released, added new dimension to the lyrics by showing her nightmares personified. Here's what to know.
'Anti-Hero' reveals a struggle with depression
At the very beginning of the song, Swift expresses that her depression is just one of the things that keep her up during her midnights.
"When my depression works the graveyard shift/ All of the people I’ve ghosted stand there in the room," the lyrics go.
In the music video, Swift is surrounded by ghosts (not scary ghosts — sunglass-wearing, silly ghosts!) to emphasize this lyric — but even though the music video is light-hearted, the lyrics don't exactly read as such.
Some of the next lyrics read: "I wake up screaming from dreaming/ One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving / ‘Cause you got tired of my scheming / (For the last time)"
And, in the chorus of the song, Swift declares with an earworm melody: "It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me," showing that Swift is, indeed, her own toughest critic.
Swift reveals visuals of her 'intrusive thoughts' in the music video for "Anti-Hero"
In a tweet, Swift called the video a depiction of her “nightmare scenarios” and “intrusive thoughts.”
The Anti-Hero video is HERE, which I wrote and directed. Watch my nightmare scenarios and intrusive thoughts play out in real timehttps://t.co/3ieastDifu pic.twitter.com/h5mpzVLKDY
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) October 21, 2022
In the video, which Swift wrote and directed, we see several other visuals (besides the silly ghosts) that give her fans a first-hand glimpse of those intrusive thoughts.
In the lyrics, Swift laments, "Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby / And I’m a monster on the hill/ Too big to hang out / Slowly lurching toward your favorite city."
Heads up that the "sexy baby" line may be a reference to a plot line in the show "30 Rock." Liz Lemon hires a comedy writer Abby Flynn (Cristin Milioti) who refers to herself as a "very sexy baby," and said she "can't help if men are attracted to (her)."
On Twitter, one user said the plot line refers to "how predatory men can be to women who act younger or more child like."
"Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby And I'm a monster on the hill Too big to hang out" is a reference to 30 rock and a commentary on the male gaze. "sexy baby" on 30 rock refers to how predatory men can be to women who act younger or more childlike
— timmy (@parkersrodrigo) October 21, 2022
In the music video during this part, we see a giant version of Swift, sitting at a table for a dinner party but doesn't fit in the room due to her exaggerated stature.
And, after a verse in which Swift sings about a dream she had about a future daughter-in-law who kills her for money, Swift lets that scenario play out in the video.
The skit features actors Mike Birbiglia, Mary Elizabeth Ellis and John Early, who lend a bit of camp to the scene.
Read the lyrics to 'Anti-Hero'
I have this thing where I get older but just never wiser
Midnights become my afternoons
When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people
I’ve ghosted stand there in the room
I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis
I’ve realized all this time
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving
‘Cause you got tired of my scheming
For the last time
It’s me, Hi
I’m the problem, it’s me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero
Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby
And I’m a monster on the hill
Too big to hang out, slowly lurching towards your favorite city
Pierced through the heart, but never killed
Did you hear my covert narcissism lightly disguised as altruism
Like some kind of congressman
I wake up screaming from dreaming
One day I’ll watch as you’re leaving
And life will lose all of its meaning
For the last time
It’s me, Hi
I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)
At tea time, everybody agrees
I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero
I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money
She thinks I left them in the will
The family gathers around and reads it and someone screams out
“She’s laughing up at us from hell!”
It’s me, Hi
I’m the problem, it’s me
It’s me, Hi
I’m the problem, it’s me
It’s me, Hi
Everybody agrees
Everybody agrees
It’s me, Hi
I’m the problem, it’s me (I’m the problem, it’s me)
At tea time, everybody agrees (Everybody agrees)
I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror
It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero
This article was originally published on TODAY.com