Support Erie's forgotten moms 'in the middle' and watch them make history

This Mother's Day, we want to recognize all the moms in the "middle." The not-yet, still waiting, not-quite-sure-we'll-get-there mommas who haven't quite seen the fruit of their physical, emotional, or mental labor.

When "Shayna" (her name has been changed to protect her privacy) and I first met, she was pregnant and homeless, sleeping between her truck and a friend's couch. She had a decent job, a good mentor, was connected to a solid church, and had strong family ties. Yet she was stuck — like many of us — in the middle.

In the fall of 2016, she found an apartment to share with her then-infant son and elementary-age daughter. Erie City Moms provided furniture and groceries, along with an invite to join our moms group, "Moms Night Out," which had just launched on Erie's lower east side. Shayna became an active member and quickly connected with our mentoring program, The Good Friend Initiative. We guided and championed her as she worked toward her goals — in the middle for five whole years.

Now, the middle is a tough place for any woman. It can appear she isn't making any progress.

Her judges see she's still in the same bad relationship or the same crummy housing situation. Maybe she takes the bus instead of owning a car, or can't manage her checkbook without help from a mentor. Her kids might still be late for school and miss appointments. Maybe she hasn't stopped smoking…yet.

In my experience, this mom is even harder on herself.

She looks around at what's left to accomplish and feels defeated. She compares herself to her seemingly perfect peers and wonders why it's so "easy" for them. She might fall back on old thinking patterns and old coping skills. She might think she's still the same woman she was before coming to Moms Night Out and building healthy friendships. She could believe the lie that nothing's changed since starting mentoring or that her goals are out of reach. She might believe the lie that she's alone and stuck here…in the middle.

But the truth is, that mom has chipped away at layer upon layer of hardships, trauma, and head garbage to get to the middle. She's spent hours showing up for herself for the first time in her life at Moms Night Out and repeatedly stepped out of her comfort zone to build healthy friendships. She might be finally attending therapy, and maybe she left an abuser to get there. She may be cooking the first healthy meals her family has ever eaten. She saved her first $100 toward the house she's dreaming of with money she made from her new job. She's building trust with her mentor and finished a class on budgeting.

During her five years in the middle, Shayna overcame multiple obstacles — job demotions, relationship challenges, parenting hurdles, repairing her credit, and growing her homeowner skills — as part of her becoming. The middle is space to be honored and celebrated as the fertile ground it is. While we can't necessarily see the fruit, the hard work is most certainly being done physically, emotionally, and mentally. We haven't quite arrived, but we're exactly where we're supposed to be on the journey.

In 2021, with guidance from a longtime Erie City Moms mentor and gifted Realtor, Shayna became a first-generation Black single mother homeowner — an enormous victory that never would have happened had she or her mentors given up in the middle.

Somewhere along the line, Erie lost faith in the women raising its children — as if the only people worth fighting for are the little ones at their knees and those who birthed them were left to fend for themselves. Erie City Moms invests in mothers knowing moms have the power to transform the spaces where they live, work, serve, worship, and play. These investments are transforming our Erie today.

And they are transforming Erie tomorrow as moms who are healthier in body, mind, and spirit are raising tomorrow's generation of engineers, teachers, chefs, machinists, influencers, politicians, landlords, doctors, critical thinkers, builders, philanthropists, and parents. The institution cannot raise our children. Healthy, equipped mothers must do that.

The heart of Erie City Moms is to bring mother figures (any woman serving in a maternal role) from all backgrounds together to learn and grow with and from one another. Our mission is to foster a lasting, caring community that supports, uplifts, and champions mother figures. We offer moms groups, mentoring, advocacy, and basic needs and housing support. We've built relationships with more than 1,000 mothering women and their families and a network of good friends and allies throughout western Pennsylvania.

We hosted our first moms group — Moms Night Out — in October 2016 with just six mother figures and 10 children. Shayna was one of our first members. We've hosted as many as 30 Moms Groups annually in Erie's most disinvested neighborhoods. Each Moms Group is free and includes dinner, child care, a story of hope and healing, community resources, prayer, and donations for moms and kids. Last year, we provided 1,500 hours of child care and served 2,025 balanced meals.

Our members can receive advocacy and basic needs and housing support and motivated moms have access to intensive mentoring and life coaching through The Good Friend Initiative — because not every mothering woman has a healthy system of friends or family to talk them through a bad day or bad relationship, sit beside them at a child support hearing, shop for new insurance, or help them prepare for a job interview. Erie City Moms brings influential professionals, allies, and mentors together with moms to help them achieve their aspirations. In 2023, we invested 1,000 mentor and volunteer hours in the lives of Erie's mother figures and their families helping in these areas alone.

Shayna's success laid the groundwork for Erie City Moms' newest housing program, H.O.M.E.: Home Ownership for Mothers in Erie. Through H.O.M.E, qualifying members can live in one of our 3- or 4-bedroom apartments with their family while continuing to build their credit and savings accounts, learning the systems of a house hands-on, and being mentored by local Realtors and banks through the process of buying a home of their own anywhere in Erie County. We will move our first mom and her family "H.O.M.E." to our pilot property in late summer where they will live in the middle between renter and homeowner for 18 to 24 months.

This Mother's Day, I celebrate the moms in the middle. The not-yet, not-arrived, not-seen, and not-really-sure-I-can-anymore-without-support mothering women in Erie.

More: Erie City Moms embrace diversity for grassroots efforts to improve their city

The harvest is coming, don't give up or give in. You are making history for yourself, your family, and your community.

Amanda Burlingham founded Erie City Moms in 2016 to bring racially, culturally, and socially diverse mother figures, their families, and their allies together to learn and grow with and from each other. In recognition of her commitment to underserved mothers and for 22 years of community leadership, Amanda was named a “Bridge to Hope and Healing” by the Achievement Center and honored as a Mercy Center Woman Making History. Amanda and her husband Joel have four living children and raise their family in the city of Erie. Erie City Moms is 501(c)(3). Learn more at ErieCityMoms.org or follow at Facebook.com/ErieCityMoms.

This article originally appeared on Erie Times-News: Erie City Moms invests and supports moms and their potential