The super-rich have a tough time cashing their check | Sam Venable

Some belated spring cleaning….

∎ I got my annual laugh from the Internal Revenue Service while perusing Form 1040. It was at the top of Page 5.

“No checks of $100 million or more accepted. The IRS can’t accept a single check (including a cashier’s check) for amounts of $100,000,000 ($100 million) or more. If you are sending $100 million or more by check, you will need to spread the payment over 2 or more checks with each check made out for an amount less than $100 million. This limit doesn’t apply to other methods of payment (such as electronic payments). Please consider a method of payment other than check if the amount of the payment is over $100 million.”

Every time I see that notice, the same thought crosses my brain:

Anybody with enough wealth to owe a 10-figure tax bill surely pays not one red cent to Uncle Sam, thanks to legalized fraud through intricate tax breaks and shelters.

Of course, me, thee and all the other “little people” — as Leona Helmsley once disdainfully described us — need not apply.

∎ I’m writing this well ahead of publication, so there’s no telling how many other media smart alecks will already have taken advantage of such a corny, cheap-shot opportunity.That being said, I wish Knox County Mayor Glenn Jacobs well in the competition he’s scheduled to enter next weekend.

Unlike the mayor’s former role as “Kane” in WWE circles, this won’t involve combat inside a wrestling ring. Rather, it’s a “chew-off,” for lack of a better term, to crown the world bologna-eating champion.

I’m not making this up. It starts at noon Saturday at the RecSports Field Complex on Sutherland Avenue.

Since politicians are full of baloney from the get-go, Hizzoner has a distinct advantage. The other contestants deserve at least a 10-bite head start.

∎ I entered a Knoxville office supply store the other day and said to the clerk, “Please don’t laugh at this geezer. I need to create some forms that’ll be filled out in duplicate, and I won’t be anywhere near a copier. Do you by any chance still carry an ancient product called ‘carbon paper?'"

The guy didn’t even blink. “Right this way,” he said, leading me to an aisle with several selections of the old-timey stuff. “We still get lots of calls for it.”

I would’ve attempted to leap and click my heels in nostalgic delight but knew the store would be dialing 911 immediately thereafter.

∎ Has there ever been more soothing, sweet-dreams music than the song of a tree frog just outside your bedroom window on a warm, drizzly spring night?

Put that stuff in pill form, and it would outsell every sleep aid, OTC or prescription, on the market.

Sam Venable’s column appears every Sunday. Contact him at sam.venable@outlook.com.

This article originally appeared on Knoxville News Sentinel: Sam Venable: The super-rich have a tough time cashing their check