Super Bowl With a Smirk: Meet George Toma, the ‘God Of Sod,’ in his 57th — and last — Super Bowl

Super Bowl With a Smirk bids adieu with the fifth of five daily notes columns needling the self-important NFL and the gravitas of its preposterously big game. Flying under the banner, “Make Fun, Not War,” Smirk is an annual Super Bowl Week feature in the Miami Herald years we remember to do it. See you next year, maybe.

Meet the Sodfather, the God of Sod, the Grass Master, the Nitty Gritty Dirt Man.

I might add “The Titan of Turf” and “The Lord of Loam,” but we don’t want to get carried away.

George Toma is the most famous groundskeeper in the world, in large part, granted, because we cannot name a single other groundskeeper. Being the most famous groundskeeper is like being the most famous proctologist or cobbler. But still.

Toma, now 94, has been the head groundskeeper at every Super Bowl including this 57th one between the Eagles and Chiefs on Sunday in Glendale, Arizona.

This one is especially special.

He was born in Edwardsville, Pennsylvania. and “I always rooted for the Eagles.” But he has lived in Kansas City since the mid-’50s and switched allegiances. He worked 26 years, until 1989, solely for the Chiefs and even has a Super Bowl ring from them. He has been paid by the NFL to lead every Super Bowl grounds-keeping crew.

“:The commissioner told me, ‘The league pays you. You have to be neutral.’”

Toma said for early Super Bowls the league would spend maybe $1,000 to make sure the playing surface for the the big game was perfect. The expenditure for Sunday’s game was about $750,000.

This is goodbye for him, he says.

“This is my last Super Bowl definitely, and I would like to see the youngsters carry on,” he told WNEP-TV of Scanton, Pennsylvania.

“If I had two hearts, one would be with the Chiefs and one would be with the Eagles,” says the Sodfather. “But when I die, I want the NFL logo over my heart.”

▪ What you get for a $1 million SB party ticket: Medium Rare, the company producing Shaq’s Fun House Super Bowl party, offers a $1 million ticket. You get round-trip private jet travel for 12 people; a fleet of SUVs while in Arizona; unlimited vodka and champagne; a security detail; VIP access to four different parties; a spa day; and a meet and greet with Shaq and Snoop Dogg. Tipping may or may not included.

Smirk could not talk the Miami Herald into OK’ing a $1 million ticket on the expense report, but is considering invites to myriad other A-list soirees, including a party being hosted by Rihanna’s former neighbor’s housekeeper’s second cousin.

▪ How we did on our NFL Honors picks (Zach!): We nailed six of the seven biggest awards from Thursday night’s show starting with Patrick Mahomes as MVP. Our only miss was coach of the year. Had the Eagles’ Nick Sirianni, but Brian Daboll of the Giants won. Bull’s-eyed three of our four best bets for the Hall of Fame in Darrelle Revis, Joe Thomas and Zach Thomas. (Here is our Zach column on the Dolphins great finally making it.) Also had Jared Allen getting in ... but he didn’t. One other thought from the awards show: Who knew there even was an NFL Players Choir!?

▪ Revealing America’s favorite game-day dips: Google has revealed the most-searched Super Bowl party dips in each state ... because Google is watching us, and knows everything. Buffalo chicken dip led the most states (13), including Pennsylvania, bu the other SB-competing state, Missouri, opted for taco dip. Florida? We chose 7-layer dip, which is awful.

▪ Politics seeping into this Super Bowl?: Sitting presidents have been interviewed on the SB pregame show for a while, but Variety reports Fox is not expecting a chat with President Joe Biden because the White House has yet to confirm he will do it. Fox’s news division (put mildly) skews right-leaning and Biden-critical. In a related story, Donald Trump on his Truth Social platform reported that Trump-critic Rihanna, Sunday’s halftime performer, has “NO TALENT!”

▪ Actual headline on Yahoo.com: ‘How to watch Super Bowl LVII 2023.’ Show of hands, please: Who, two days before the most-watched annual show in television history, is still out there scrambling to understand how to watch the game?

▪ Smirk Super poll result: Sorry, Philly: It was close bot ways, but America is thinking Kansas City on Sunday. We asked who you predict WILL win and it was Chiefs by 50.7 to 49.3 percent. We asked who you WANT to win and it was Chiefs by 51.8 to 48.2 percent.

▪ Super Bowl Party Tip du Jour: Duct tape and plastic zip-ties at the ready in case neighbor Unhinged Frankie dives too deep into the Old Grand-Dad and starts urinating in the artichoke dip again