The state of Jimbo Fisher and Texas A&M football, as told by Taylor Swift ‘Midnights’ songs
Taylor Swift can make anything entertaining, including Texas A&M football.
Nothing, and no one, is bigger than TSwift.
Nothing is a bigger disaster in college football more than Texas A&M. No one is a bigger disappointment than head coach Jimbo Fisher.
To liven up what is turning out to be a Go Fund Me-to-buyout-the-head coach season in College Station, we will rely on Swift’s 20 track titles from her latest album, Midnights, to describe the clown show, fail that is the 2022 Texas A&M Aggies.
There will be no unnecessary shots at Jake Gyllenhaal, or former Texas A&M offensive coordinator Jake Spavital. (To aid the boomer non Swifties, track titles are in quotes.)
Texas A&M’s ‘Midnights’
The state of Texas A&M’s football team is “Karma.”
This week, Texas A&M athletic director Ross Bjork said that the Aggies will “pivot away” from playing the song Power by Ye at home games. Ye as in Kanye.
Once the Aggies embraced TayTay’s No. 1 enemy, Kanye West, they were asking for this. You don’t tug on Superman’s cape, and you don’t embarrass Tails on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards.
What the Aggies should be playing, in honor of the Midnight Yell practice, is a little “Midnight Rain.”
(No, the lyrics don’t fit, but the title does; work with me, people).
The 2022 season, in Texas, was supposed to an exciting piece in the buildup to the return of “The Great War,” but the Aggies and Longhorns keep doin’ their thing.
The only thing we see in Texas is the unexpected “Lavender Haze” emanating from Fort Worth.
The mighty Aggies are 3-4, and 1-3 in the SEC West. They lost, at home, to Appalachian State, which is now 4-3.
The Aggies are currently riding the crest of a three-game losing streak, the program’s first since 2014.
A report from TexAgs.com this week said the Aggies suspended defensive back Denver Harris, wide receiver Chris Marshall and offensive lineman PJ Williams indefinitely for a violation of team rules that stemmed from a locker room incident.
With five games remaining, including one against Massachusetts, Texas A&M may not qualify for a bowl for the first time since 2008, the first year under coach Mike Sherman.
Tickets for the Aggies’ upcoming home against No. 15 Ole Miss on Saturday at Kyle Field are going for as much as two dollars on the secondary market. Eight quarters. Twenty dimes will get you into an SEC West showdown.
An Aggies’ game day this season is “Snow on the Beach.” Of their seven games, five have been decided by one possession (they’re 2-3 in those games).
The defense isn’t quite Georgia-level nasty, but loaded with young talent. Don’t be shocked if A&M upsets Ole Miss in some 16-13 mess-fest.
Junior running back Devon Achane has NFL ability, but his quarterbacks and line have been so bad every time he gets the ball the Aggies are basically telling him, “You’re on your own kid.”
In year five of the Jimbo Fisher National Championship plan, there is a “Glitch.”
The offense ranks 108th in the NCAA’s FBS, and it has scored a total of 16 touchdowns. That figure also ranks 108th. Name the major offensive stat, and scroll to the bottom to find the Aggies.
Isn’t Jimbo’s forte offense?
Texas A&M’s “Mastermind” continues to look like a fraud without Christian Ponder, E.J. Manuel and Jameis Winston at quarterback.
With every loss, no matter how close, even if it’s against Alabama, Jimbo is the Aggies’ “Anti-hero.”
Jimbo is not “Bejeweled” in title rings and championship trophies since arriving to College Station in the winter of 2017. He is covered in money.
If the Aggies want to fire Jimbo, the buyout after the season is a few cents under $86 million. Dollars. His deal is fully guaranteed through 2031.
Getting rid of Jimbo right now would require some real “Vigilante S---.” Maybe some alums will get lucky and find a team newsletter they can leak.
The Aggies are not going to fire Jimbo any time soon. They shouldn’t. Who else are they going to get?
They can only hope he can navigate this “Labryinth” that he helped to construct.
That will likely begin by firing his offensive coordinator, Darrell Dickey. One of the first priorities for any top coach is to find a guy to blame, and Dickey is the man who will soon be offered a first class, one-way ticket to “Paris.”
Then they will need to embrace the wonderful world of “High Infidelity” when it comes to their roster, and recruiting, not that every power five team doesn’t do that. If lying doesn’t work, just pay ‘em.
This still doesn’t fix the immediate problem. When it comes to football, A&M’s problem is “Bigger Than The Whole Sky.”
Jimbo still doesn’t have a quarterback, and to find one will require more than some fancy “Sweet Nothing” talk to the next can’t-miss 5-star quarterback.
The Aggies will need some more that of that NIL money to land a real passer; the type of cash that, in the spring, Alabama coach Nick Saban accused the Aggies of spraying to sign their top-ranked recruiting class.
The Aggies entered the season ranked sixth in the country, and are currently fifth in the SEC West.
For reasons unbeknownst to everyone, Texas A&M simply remains college football’s premier “Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve.”
