'Special Ops: Lioness' Is Making Me Feel Insane
During last week's episode of Special Ops: Lioness, we learned that working as an undercover CIA operative is an insane job to choose. It wrecks your family life, puts you in constant danger, and provides too many opportunities for your multiple bosses to be mad at you. It's like being a superhero... but you have no special powers and all of your targets are assigned to you by the government, no questions asked. Fun! Well, at least there's the occasional beach party.
Our main rookie operative, Cruz, has been spending a significant amount of Lioness with her mark, Aaliyah, in the Hamptons. Their target is the leader of an Iranian-backed militia in Iraq, whose name is not said enough for me to remember. In fact, I don't even think we've seen him once. Either way, the CIA is watching his actions intently. Here's a bit more recap, because even I need it: Aaliyah is his daughter. She's about to marry Ehsan, a Saudi Royal who allegedly has ties to founding OPEC member Kudra Patrol. He has yet to show any signs of criminal or threatening activity aside from association. But who knows—maybe this episode will finally sort things out.
The first thing to prove is whether we're right to assume that Aaliyah has fallen in love with Cruz. In Episode Four, Aaliyah told Cruz that she was afraid of marriage. but last week she was hornt-up over FaceTime. Who could forget when she said, "We are Lady and the Tramp, you and I. Except you are a lady, too?" Gold. Aaliyah has a surprise set up, which looks like a massage, according to the CIA's hidden cameras. "Three days alone with this girl, every lie you tell her she's going to remember," Joe warns. I don't know... it seems like Aaliyah's love-blindness may have her just believe anything you tell her. The real question: Is it safe to earn her trust in this way, or would a relationship pull their mark away from the target completely? These are the questions you have to ask yourself, Lioness team!
After arriving at Aaliyah's, it's clear that Cruz is not having a good time with the massages and pampering. "Have you never been to a spa?" Aaliyah asks. "I'm weird around people," she responds. (Truly, one of the worst undercover agents I've ever seen.) After their mud treatment, the two share a conversation in the shower/steam room. "Look me in the eye and name me your five best friends," Aaliyah demands. "Don't think, just do it." Ah, the classic name five of their albums trap to prove you're a fan. Cruz doesn't respond at all. Aaliyah sighs in relief. "That's what I thought," she says. "We have that in common." Congrats, Cruz—you've passed the first riddle.
But the sphinx is not yet finished. Answer my second riddle, if you dare: "Now close your eyes, and name me one." Cruz smirks, responding, "you." Amazing job. You're doing great! All undercover experts know that riddles always come in thirds, however, and now comes the most dangerous one of all. This is what Joe warned you about, Cruz, so stay vigilant! "When you were a kid, did you have slumber parties?" she asks. Doom befalls Cruz. This is the ultimate test. Cruz answers, "No." So, Aaliyah pledges to throw her first one tonight. "What the fuck am I doing?" Cruz whispers to herself when Aaliyah leaves the room. Umm... sounds like you're having the best night of your life, girl.
Meanwhile, Joe heads to the White House for a debrief. Kaitlyn questions her husband about the meeting—and he reveals that both the National Security Advisor and the Secretary of State may be present. Damn! You really don't want to answer to those guys, I guess. The job titles alone send a chill down Kidman's spine. Now, we finally get some of the answers I was harping for earlier. There's a mole in Kudra Petrol, according to Kaitlyn, but he's not "one of ours." The target "runs what we call a sort of bank for terrorists," she explains. The part her money-grubbing husband would like: $80 million worth of black market oil reportedly hits the market the second the CIA takes this guy out. "It's a matter of perspective," he responds. Man, either this guy is just repugnant—or the insider trading of destructive natural resources couldn't be any more boring.
At the briefing, Morgan Freeman's character, Secretary Edwin Mullins, finally arrives. After Kyle explains to him his events of the whole US/Mexico kerfuffle, he responds: "I've heard some bullshit in my time, but that is... bravo." None of the people here—including Joe, Westfield, Kaitlyn, and Kyle—have elected to tell Mullins the truth. "So, we're all just going to pretend that a CIA quick-reaction force did not execute a kill mission in front of CBS-fucking-News?" Mullins asks them. They're giving Freeman all the best lines.
Kidman, on the other hand, gets this line: "Secretary Mullins, I'm confused. Did CBS News report that CIA QRF operated within the borders of the United States? I've not heard that." Look, she had all the best lines last episode. This week, it's Freeman's turn. This dull conversation goes on for another three minutes—and the group plays dumb enough to walk away unharmed. Also, Secretary Mullins announces that he's taking over their Lioness mission. The plan is to hit the target with a drone strike at his daughter's wedding, even if Cruz and every other innocent person at the wedding dies as well. Joe says the risk comes with the job, but I'm certain Cruz isn't aware of that.
Speaking of Cruz: she and Aaliyah are having the best sleepover ever. They're eating popcorn and watching movies together. First Paranormal Activity, then The Notebook—an insane double feature?! "Have you seen The Notebook?" Aaliyah asks. "I haven't seen anything," Cruz responds. Cruz! Just try to be normal for like, a second. She bawls her eyes out while watching the film, and then tells Aaliyah not to marry Ehsan.
Back at the bunkhouse, the CIA is "bored." There's only one guard posted at the Hamptons house, and the conversations they're listening to between Aaliyah and Cruz aren't exactly stimulating. Then, they hear the sound of glass breaking, so they knock three home invaders unconscious. They're just some hooligans who tried to rob the place. Joe sends Kyle to the house with some hush money. They torture them instead. Who are the aggressors now? This whole C-plot feels unnecessary. They could have just told them to drive away, which they end up doing anyway.
Leaving Washington D.C., Joe tries to sort through this mission and their target's aim. So am I! "He funnels money to ISIS, Taliban, and Hezbollah... any terrorist group who puts a hand out he funds," Joe explains. "He doesn't give a shit. I'm surprised the Saudi's haven't killed him themselves." Kaitlyn reckons that he just "wants the region destabilized," but Joe? She "doesn't see a single political benefit from that."
Back at home, Joe's husband, Neil, is left to take care of Kate's recovery from the car wreck all on his own. "Whatever you said worked," he says, "but she's going to need more of you." Too bad! When Cruz wakes up in the Hamptons, she finds out everything has changed. Downstairs, Aaliyah is screaming in delight, because her mother has chosen Majorca as their wedding destination. It means that if they choose to do a drone strike on her father and kill everyone, it's now going to be in Spain—not the Middle East. The op is now, most definitely, impossible.
But Aaliyah, in her excitement, finally kisses Cruz. After Cruz jumps away a little, Aaliyah asks, "What was that?" Cruz, stunned, doesn't respond. "Well, you won't believe Majorca," Aaliyah says, quickly moving on. "Want some breakfast?" Cruz simply looks out the window, speechless. It's a tough scene to read. Is this Cruz realizing that she'll now have to fake a relationship with Aaliyah to stay on her mark, or is this Cruz realizing that she may actually have feelings for her? Unknown! I guess we'll have to wait to find out next week—when Cruz will probably also learn that the U.S. government plans to sacrifice her in the attack, too.
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