Ron White: ‘I’m not going to be retired. I’m just going to stop making money.’

No one told Ron White it’s time to retire, because no one could possibly be that stupid.

Ron White, at 65, is one of the most successful, lucrative and bankable acts in comedy.

He made the decision to quit because he can.

There are comics who are more famous and who made more money (maybe). Few ever found an audience better than Ron White.

“There were never any goals, but it just turned out I had this connection with middle America and it went from coast to coast,” White said. “I thought I was good at being a stand-up comic and I know stand-ups who are better than me but they didn’t do as well because they didn’t appeal to the masses.

“That plus everything Jeff Foxworthy did for me. I got famous with 10 minutes of material. That first show took 16 years to write. It was the perfect storm. After that first DVD came out, it sold 4 million copies, and people just passed it around. I could put a date on a calendar and sell out in two minutes.

“I just assumed it wouldn’t last that long, but it kept on and on and on. Then it continues on.”

Eventually, it had to stop.

White plans to retire at the end of this year from touring. Before he retires, he will play two shows on Oct. 29 at The Pavilion in Irving.

His final show will be on Dec. 31 in Tulsa.

The Texas native recently did an interview with the Star-Telegram, and covered topics such as Donald Trump, what he wants to do in retirement, and why the south is good material for a comic.

Are you really going to retire?

I will pop in and do sets. I still like writing. I just won’t tour any more. I don’t want to be on a schedule where I have to be somewhere. I have worked every weekend for 36 years and it’s been great, but I want to go to a concert every now and then.

What do you see yourself doing in retirement?

Whatever I want. I want to see the world. I want to see my mom, who is in Florida right now. It’s time to retire. Ticket sales are as good as they’ve ever been. I figured someone has to put a stop to this so I pulled the plug. I am open to the idea that I may hate retirement, so I may go back. During the pandemic, I didn’t miss it at all.

Is this right that your first show ever was in Arlington?

It was. My first 300 shows were in Arlington. It was the Funny Bone off 360 and Arkansas.

Did you have Fort Worth hangout spots?

My son was born in Fort Worth. There was a Funny Bone comedy club in Fort Worth. I’ve done shows at Will Rogers. Fort Worth is a favorite town of mine. I just preferred it because of how original it is. I was in the movie, “12 Mighty Orphans.” We stayed at the Drover. I had a blast at the premiere.

Often times when comedians do interviews they can be quite unfunny; do people just automatically expect that you’ll be funny all the time?

All the time. When I was younger I was funnier. I was a better comedian. I met someone the other day who told me, “I thought you’d be funnier.”

Why is the South the butt of so many jokes?

I’ve never really made fun of the south but maybe I’m lying. It’s an easy target. It’s people’s perceptions of Alabama and Mississippi, of being on the slower side, which I can assure you it’s absolutely true.

I’ve never been much for low hanging fruit; it’s why I never did political humor. Back in 2016, when every comic was doing Trump material, I decided not to. I know my crowd is very, very divided and I don’t think people are coming to me for political satire. Since I’ve never done it before there was no reason to do it then.

I think my crowd appreciated that. I may have offended people but not over anything I could intentionally avoid. I want them to have fun at my show, and not leave any smarter than when they got there. You felt the release of laughter, and that’s what they want.

Two staples of your act are cigarettes and booze. You never see people smoking anywhere, does that make you wistful at all?

I still smoke on stage, and no one does it anymore. I come out with a cigar, take a couple of puffs, and put it out. I haven’t had a drink of alcohol in two years. After a lifetime of doing it and doctors asking me, “How long do you want to live?” I quit. My girlfriend lives in Oxnard and the people who live around her just retired into full-time alcoholism. It’s not pretty. I’m like, “I am just like them.” I was drunk every night for years and I believe there is only so much alcohol you can drink.

Did all of this traveling and the road ever get to you?

It’s not good for you that’s for sure. You are in a different time zone every day almost. The hours suck. The food is roady. It’s hard to keep weight off. We eat after the shows at a Taco Bell on the way to Omaha in a tour bus.

It’s a pretty brutal way to live but I gotta tell you for the most part I loved it. I loved the travel as long as there was a stage to get on. I have no other skills. I happened to be really good at one thing and it’s something I love and that’s be on stage. I still go on stage with a drink in my hand it’s a show. It’s not the truth it’s a show. It could be true, but it doesn’t have to be to make your laugh.

To be successful in this type of career you had to sacrifice a lot in terms of being at home, etc. Was it worth it?

Not one thing I would do different. It was in my blood to do stand-up and the career went further than I ever dreamed. When I was a club headliner that was enough. I could have done that for a long time and been happy as a clam.

Even after Jeff Foxworthy blew up, with me standing right next to him, I didn’t think it would happen to me. I was doing more business on the road than anybody. I was one of the top touring acts in the world by myself. There might have been one other guy, it was Jeff Dunham. Dave Chappelle does huge shows, and Joe Rogan does, but they didn’t do as many.

I was just always on stage.

Like any comic you use personal situations for material; anywhere along the way you did that and the person who was part of the joke said that’s not funny, don’t do that.

My mother. My son, also. I was doing a line that I bought my son a house so he’d quit staring at me waiting for me to die. Now, he doesn’t do that. He never has. He works hard.

I’d act like mother has a dumb voice, which she does not. She didn’t like it. I said, “Keep cashing checks, mother, we’re doing great.”

Is there anything associated with entertainment that you really wanted to do but for whatever reason it just never happened ?

I’d say no. A lot of people use TV sitcoms to jump up to the level of business that I do. I tried TV and I tried different things every now and then, but my career caught hold anyway. I didn’t do TV for money. Whenever I did I did TV or movies it cost me money because I had to stopped touring.

I got to be the perfect amount of famous, which is not everyone knows who I am because it didn’t come from a huge platform, it was grassroots.

I don’t sit around with any regrets at all. I got to do all of this with my friends. I still don’t mind traveling on the bus; I don’t want to have to do it. In my mind that’s retired; if for some reason I decide to crank up again I will but I don’t see it.

I don’t have a high school diploma because my brain doesn’t work that way. I knew it worked but not sure where.

I set out to accomplish what I wanted, which I have done and more in a tricky art form.