Rob Oller: Cry me a river. Michigan Maize and Boohoo gives real victimization a bad name
The entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in college football, where all sorts of different Michigan football spy scheme slogans are popping up on T-shirts.
“M Espionage Video Dept.”
“Cheaters of the West.”
“Hell to the Victors.”
I’ve joined the fray by designing my own snarky slogan: M GO BOOHOO. I accept only cash and money orders, thank you.
Labeling the Wolverines as crybabies is the perfect way to describe the school’s obsession with playing the victim card, a decision as off-key as quarterback J.J. McCarthy being touted for the Heisman Trophy. (Throwing for 60 yards on 7 of 8 completions, with zero attempts the second half against Penn State should be an automatic disqualifier; way to promote your guy.)
I mean, “Michigan vs. Everybody” loses steam when you bring the abuse upon yourself.
And make no mistake, the Wolverines have done this to themselves. You would not think so by listening only to the outcry up north, which makes it sound like the rest of college football twisted UM’s paw behind its back and made it cry “Uncle Harbaugh.”
Bah. The alleged sign-stealing scheme did not appear out of thin air, as some Maize and Boohoo’ers would have you believe. Connor Stalions did not don sunglasses and trick his way onto Jim Harbaugh’s staff. He was hired. If nothing else, Harbaugh should be held accountable for that. Was the Michigan coach impressed by Stalions’ military background? Front-porch vacuum cleaner business? Or maybe it was, ‘Hey, this guy is a genius at knowing our opponent’s sideline signals. I don’t know how he does it. I don’t want to know. But I’ll gladly accept the intel.”
Nah, it couldn’t be that last one, could it?
Michigan is outraged because on Friday the Big Ten suspended Harbaugh for the last three games of the regular season, less than 24 hours before the Wolverines were to play Penn State. The remaining suspension may be delayed, depending whether a judge issues a temporary restraining order on Friday, but as of now Harbaugh will not be on the sideline for the Ohio State game in Ann Arbor.
Michigan would have you believe it is being victimized, in the way a child complains about being disciplined for getting caught with a hand in the cookie jar. School president Santa Ono tweeted Sunday, in part: “Like any community, we face our share of challenges and adversity. There have been many such moments in our history … .”
Countless members of the University of Michigan family have reached out to me over the weekend and I wanted to express my appreciation. Like any community, we face our share of challenges and adversity. There have been many such moments in our history. But as our team showed so…
— Santa Ono (@SantaJOno) November 12, 2023
Makes you want to say a prayer for Michigan, doesn’t it?
The university argues that Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti subverted due process by ruling prematurely, pointing out no evidence has been revealed proving Harbaugh knew Stalions was breaking NCAA rules, or that Harbaugh did anything to merit the Big Ten imposing conference sportsmanship bylaws to suspend him.
Let’s dig into that one by agreeing for purposes of discussion that Harbaugh was unaware of Stalions’ scheme to scout opponents in person and tape their signals, a violation of NCAA rules. Let’s allow that Harbaugh’s ignorance of the situation lets him off the hook, at least directly. (Indirectly, NCAA rules state that a coach is responsible for the actions of his staff even if he is unaware of those actions).
Let’s further allow, again only for sake of argument, that no one on Harbaugh’s staff other than Stalions knew of the illegal espionage taking place. Or at least no one of such importance as for it to matter. Essentially, Michigan seems to be saying that Stalions was a misguided lone wolf willing to break rules to help his beloved Wolverines, little more than a fanboy jock sniffer who inadvertently sabotaged the program and left Michigan in quite a pickle.
Let’s further green light Harbaugh to coach this week against Maryland and Nov. 25 against Ohio State. Let’s wait … and wait … and wait … for Central Michigan to explain who, if not Stalions, was on the CMU sideline dressed in Chippewas staff clothing and wearing what appeared to be spy sunglasses during the season-opener against Michigan State.
After the dust settles, what then? We know something happened. Even the most ardent Michigan fan, although maybe none of the school’s legal team, agrees Stalions was up to no good (or a lot of good, depending where you stand on rules of fair play). OK, well, Michigan fired him. Or he resigned. Semantics. Punishment delivered. Turn the page.
Not so fast, Meeshiganders. Some thing, if not some one, has to pay. And that means The Program takes the hit. You can’t just wish away the spy scheme by punishing a “low-level” staffer. Doesn’t work that way (except at Kansas). If the NCAA investigation concludes that the sign-sealing scheme gave Michigan a huge competitive advantage – it’s called cheating – then the Wolverines will wish a Harbaugh three-game suspension was the worst of it.
But it won’t be. Or should not be. An appropriate penalty would be a significant fine. If Texas A&M can pay a $72 million buyout to Jimbo Fisher, UM can pay at least half that much for curb-stomping the integrity of the entire sport. But it can’t stop there. The NCAA and/or Big Ten needs to chop Michigan scholarships by at least 15 over three years. And a bowl ban of at least one season.
You think Michigan is crying now? Wait until Harbaugh leaves after the season, having pushed the envelope to egregious levels, and all those wins and potential championships get vacated. The Maize and Blubberers can “Bet” all they want that their smartest guys in the room will outwit the NCAA stooges, but eventually their tears will fall on a college football landscape that mocks the misery they brought upon themselves.
This article originally appeared on The Columbus Dispatch: Suspension of Michigan football coach Jim Harbaugh is crying shame
