Rev. Kelley Becker: There is beauty and freedom in letting go

This time of year, the neighborhood my husband and I live in puts on quite a show. It is spectacularly beautiful. I am reminded of a quote by an unknown author, “Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

This idea has resonated with me for a long time. It has taken on a new significance this year because I’ve been forced to let go of a lot. In February, my dad died, and in September, our 5-year-old Labrador Retriever, Shadow, died. I am still grieving both losses; some days are harder than others, but there isn’t a day that I don’t think of both. That is the nature of grief.

Grief shows up in times and situations when we don’t necessarily expect it. I expected that Father’s Day and my dad’s July 4th birthday would be hard days. I did not expect to burst into tears last week at the thought of wearing a necklace he gave me years ago. I did not expect to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I picked up an empty, discarded Diet Pepsi bottle in the church parking lot. You see, my dad jokingly referred to Diet Pepsi as the elixir of the gods. Personally, I don’t think Diet Pepsi is very good, but I still went to the store, bought one, and cried while I drank it.

Shadow died the week before I came back to work from my summer sabbatical. The kind people at the church I serve told me I could take more time off if needed. I knew staying at home, alone in our house, would not be a good thing. Everywhere I looked, I saw him. I gathered up all his toys and put them away. But for weeks, I found his lost tennis balls under and behind everything. I still have dreams about him. In the dreams, my husband and I are searching for him. Just when we get close to where the AirTag says he is, he’s gone. It is so hard to let go.

When I look outside at the leaves that have turned and the ground that is slowly getting covered by them, I am reminded that there is something beautiful in this season of loss. I know grief comes because we have lost what we love. I was lucky to love and be loved by my dad. He was my stepdad, but you would never have known that by talking to either of us. He chose to love me when he and my mom got married 46 years ago. He always introduced me as his daughter. I don’t think I ever heard him say the word stepdaughter. I knew I belonged to him, and he belonged to me.

When I was a teenager, I was…challenging. I often stayed out past my curfew. I was very sassy, and often, my mom and I were like oil and water when we were together. As an adult, I joked that my dad saved my life more than once. I came in one night at about 4 a.m.; my mom was in the living room, worried sick. When I walked in unscathed with an attitude, my mom went from worried to furious in about 2.2 seconds. As I said, I was sassy, so naturally, I said the wrong thing on purpose. My dad said, “Go to your room as fast as you can.” And I did. My mom had a lot she wanted to say, which she said loudly to him after I went to my room. To sum it up briefly, I was grounded forever. My dad often played the buffer role between my mom and me. He used humor to diffuse tense situations. I’d give anything to hear him poking fun at my futile attempts at making up a plausible story that explained my tardiness.

Shadow was my best friend and constant companion. He went to work with me almost every day. He instinctively knew when I’d had a bad day. He knew when to be silly and when to plop himself next to me and rest his nose in my lap. Our long walks and time at the ARF dog park were balm for my soul. He loved to chase squirrels, birds, and cats. He felt strongly that they shouldn’t be in our yard. We never had to put him on a leash in our yard because he refused to leave my side. When my dad died, there were days Shadow’s fur was wet because I laid next to him and cried until I was worn out. I would give anything for one more day with him.

I’m trying to let the beauty of the falling leaves teach me how to let go. I find beauty in letting memories and love connect me to my dad and Shadow. The ways in which my life is better because I loved and was loved by them are, indeed, beautiful. Every time I can laugh at myself amid my big feelings, I give thanks for my dad. My husband and I are fostering an 8-year-old black Labrador as a way of honoring Shadow and giving another dog some of what he gave us.

Life requires us to let go of a lot. What do you need to let go of in this season? Theology that hurts you or other people? Anything that doesn’t feel like love is not a God thing. Fear of people who believe, dress, or think differently than you do? Our differences make life more fun! Everyone has something to teach us about Love. Take time to listen. Your past mistakes? Let them go. Forgive yourself and apologize to the people you’ve hurt.

I hope you have time today to see what the trees and the falling leaves are showing us. It is truly spectacular. Letting go isn’t always easy, but there is beauty and freedom in doing so. Let go of what is keeping you from a life you love, a life of being who you were created to be. Hold on tight to Love…it will never let you go. We are better together. Happy Fall!

Rev. Kelley Becker is senior minister at Disciples Christian Church in Bartlesville.

This article originally appeared on Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise: Rev. Kelley Becker: There is beauty and freedom in letting go