Raise a dog…or a kid: Tough choice - The Funny Business of Parenting
I spoke with a group of experts recently about whether dogs or people are easier to raise. The verdict, after heated debate: grownups who like peace and quiet should stick to dogs, since they don’t bark as much.
Here are the conclusions, based on solid unscientific evidence and possibly the opinions of a highly qualified team of 9-year-olds. If you’re on the fence about parenthood, you can rely on this information to make an intelligent decision. “Or, just rock-paper-scissors it – that works for most stuff,” said one of the experts, who may or may not have been in a hurry to get back to playing basketball.
Both kids and dogs:
behave for a fun treat (or the promise of a treat, i.e., candy or a pony, but deliver it fast.)
can sense a grownup’s mood, using it to their full advantage with strategic requests for treats.
might attempt to comfort you if you’re sad, but know that those treats are still on their minds.
know when you’re lying or faking it so don’t even try, unless you’re a trained actor who is also blessed with a great amount of natural talent.
borrow your things and may bury them in the backyard. So, don’t get too attached to your things.
stand on furniture, might rip it beyond repair and will most certainly stain it, while you’re distracted. So, don’t get too attached to your furniture.
are interested in bodily fluids, solids and other awkward topics a grownup would like to avoid.
The differences between kids and dogs are that:
while both kids and dogs can be loud, at least dogs don’t speak English and can’t be snarky.
they both cost money to feed, but kids are pickier and will eventually eat more than any dog could.
you can get an emotional support dog, but the reason you may need one is because you have a kid.
even though kids and dogs both appreciate simple things like going for walks, kids would much rather play computer games, so you have to get those if you have a kid.
some dogs shed more hair, but kids sneeze more often, especially when playing sick to get out of doing work.
in a perfect world, live unicorns would be available, in every size and color.
Important questions to ask that might help with your decision:
Would you enjoy walking a dog on a leash, which is normal, or walking the kid you have to put on a leash, which is embarrassing?
Which would you rather hear at 6 a.m.: “I’m hungry, can we have homemade pancakes” or “bark, bark?”
Wouldn’t getting a couple of fish be easier?
Pam J. Hecht is a writer, instructor and mother of two (but not necessarily in that order). Reach her at pamjh8@gmail.com or pamjhecht.com.
This article originally appeared on Greenville News: Raise a dog or a kid: Tough choice - The Funny Business of Parenting
