Presence is the present: How to celebrate grandparents in a digital age
On this Grandparents Day, the enduring wisdom and impactful legacies of grandparents remind us of the timeless value of elder connections and the richness of their life lessons.
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Grandma’s hands
Clapped in church on Sunday morning
Grandma’s hands
Played a tambourine so well
Grandma’s hands
Used to issue out a warning
She’d say, Billy, don’t you run so fast
Might fall on a piece of glass
Might be snakes there in that grass
Grandma’s hands.
“Grandma’s Hands,” by Bill Withers (1971)
Nothing compares to having regular, meaningful interactions with those we love. With all of the technological advances ostensibly replacing in-person contact (for better or worse), there has been a discussion percolating online about how interacting with this generation of grandparents is different — some of the hands-on engagement is not like it used to be.
We don’t know about the stats on that decline, but we can acknowledge the social and cultural shift from face-to-face time to FaceTime. So, on this Grandparents Day, we pay homage to the faith of our elders — the given and chosen grandparents who have been present, providing our lives with the intergenerational experience and wisdom that helps us carry the culture forward.
“Grandma had a good run. Grandma was well into her 90s…Grandma was the one who took me to church. Grandma was the one who taught me about the lord,” — Deion Sanders.
Leading into what would be his last season as the football coach at Jackson State University before leaving for Colorado, we witnessed Deion “Coach Prime” Sanders navigate the loss of his grandmother. She was a woman who was always on the horizon of his sportsmanship, instilling life lessons of commitment and longevity as a Black titan in majority white spaces.
Such sentiments are shared by Nikki Giovanni, recently interviewed for theGrio’s “Masters of the Game.” In addition to stunning poetry commemorating grandmothers, Giovanni pays tribute to her grandfather in an edited volume called: “Grand Fathers: Reminiscences, Poems, Recipes, and Photos of the Keepers of Our Traditions.” In it, Ms. Giovanni reflects upon the strength, wisdom and values her grandfather instilled in her while also exploring these patriarchs’ self-discovery as they transition from “learning” fathers to “teaching” fathers in life. Often neglected in our laudation, she praises grandfathers as she writes, “Grandfathers have seen it all…Cross their fingers that they were good fathers. Cross their fingers that they were better grandfathers.”
NBA star Chris Paul was so deeply impacted by his late grandfather — affectionately called “Papa” — that he titled his first memoir “Sixty-One: Lessons from Papa on and off the Court.” Amidst anecdotes of his Papa’s everydayness, including his hands, oily and stained from tinkering with cars, or his tendency to play with his “fake” teeth, Paul shares Papa’s wisdom. Those teachings permeate Paul’s faith-filled perspective on life as a father, competitive athlete, and his engaged involvement in the community that helped to raise him. They are details that stick with us, giving personality and staying power to the rich knowledge that grandparents embed within us.
Similarly, embedded familial memories help to close the gap for high-performers like newly-crowned 2023 U.S. Open winner Coco Gauff. Her maternal grandmother, Yvonne Lee Odom, integrated Florida’s Seacrest High School at 15 years old, embodying a confidence bolstered by the supportive presence of her own father (Gauff’s great-granddad). Odom’s story provides the context from which Gauff emerges, fearlessly continuing the project of dominating and diversifying the predominantly white domain of tennis.
Their testimonials about grandparent and elder connections give us something to look forward to and affirm as elders, rejecting the superficial values that teach us to avoid signs of aging. Proverbs 16:31 states, “Gray hair is a crown of glory [or splendor]; it is gained in a righteous life.” This sentiment, embraced in Black culture, emphasizes the honor and wisdom associated with age and experience. We know many of our elders paved the way for us in various ways. Although they may not have enrolled at university, they were students at the University of Life. They drop gems of knowledge that encourage us along the way — or point to pitfalls we may not be aware of. When we think of the wisdom shared, what comes to mind? Is it those old-school health remedies? What about cautionary tales? The life anecdotes we draw upon now did not need validation from a study or an Ivy League institution to know them to be true.
Our Elders and Black Culture
Our Black culture is richly and creatively embedded with traditions and undertones of respect for the past our grandparents could teach us. When viewed through the lens of Black culture and belief traditions, Grandparents Day underscores the profound reverence and significance placed upon elders, directly tying to sacred teachings on wisdom and faith.
To participate in Grandparents Day, perhaps incorporate these practices.
Oral histories and storytelling sessions: Reclaiming the African art of storytelling is crucial to ensuring that we gather all the available living libraries in our lives. Take time to really listen to the elders you know — and consider those you might like to get to know in local eldercare facilities.
Curating intergenerational activities: To gain hands-on interaction, consider volunteering to read or offer introductory or continuing education in emerging technology, arts & crafts, or a specialty of interest to connect with people who have a life’s worth of experience.
Advocacy through amplification: Amplify the stories of the chosen and related elders in your life. Sharing their stories and their information enables them to live on in subsequent generations. Such sharing can help peers and mentors in our community in innumerable ways by shortening the distance with a well-worn playbook.
The narratives of Sanders, Giovanni, Paul, and Gauff seamlessly connect us to the broader discourse that ties us all together and prioritizes grandparents and elders in the Black community. The observance of Grandparents Day, accentuated by these testimonies and so many others, is a testament to the central role of elders in Black culture. When viewed through a spiritual lens, these stories further underscore the profound reverence we should have for elders, tying us to sacred teachings that forever etch them into the eternal realm of divine wisdom and faith.
As we observe the brightest moons and the rising suns,
We gaze upon the supernovas among us, our grandparents and elders
May we take in the rich constellation of wisdom and strength they provide
May we embrace the faith they imbued from inside
May the Divine Creator continue to imbue life, health, and strength to them all
May a sense of care and protection be instilled in us, their progeny
To those grandparents and elders who have transitioned to the ancestral plane
May we carry within us the spiritual DNA that connects us to their superpowers
In alignment with our Divine Creator’s greatest plans from now to eternity. Amen.
Rev. Dr. Alisha Lola Jones is a faith leader helping people to find their groove in a fast-paced world, as a consultant for various arts and faith organizations and professor of music in contemporary societies at the University of Cambridge in Cambridge, England. She is an award-winning author of Flaming? The Peculiar Theopolitics of Fire and Desire in Black Male Gospel Performance (Oxford University Press). For more information, please visit DrAlisha.com.
Rev. Calvin Taylor Skinner is dedicated to empowering frontline communities in Knoxville, Tenn. and the United Kingdom. He uses Faith and Policy to address energy justice, criminal justice reform, voter education/mobilization, electoral politics, and global affairs. Along with his wife, Rev. Dr. Alisha Lola Jones, they lead InSight Initiative, a consulting firm focusing on capacity building and live events production.
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