Phyllis VanBuren: Power of Words

Not all childhood ditties are truthful. How many of us recited “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” In our youth, we believed it. Why? As children, we trusted our parents to tell the truth, even as we held back the tears caused by tormentors. Or maybe we chose to offer the challenge of a physical confrontation to ward off our bullies and prayed that they would choose another victim, leaving us often alone … and without friends.

How wrong we were. It’s a lie!

Many years later, some of us found Proverbs 18:21a, realizing the power of words. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue …”Some verbal attacks are mortal. Words cut to the bone, slash the heart, destroy one’s self-esteem … and these wounds are usually invisible and go untreated. Invisible scars. Hurtful words are weapons of massive destruction.

Men and women reportedly use approximately 16,000 words daily. Typically, those words are used in communication with other persons. ALL words leave an imprint.

Yet another “pearl” comes to mind — "Think before you speak.” And let’s add … before we text, email, or post. Those digital formats never forget, not even when the words are allegedly deleted. Some suggest drafting a message, saving it on the device without sending/posting, reading it a day or two later and then DELETING it. The act of writing down one’s feelings is therapeutic, the re-reading — a window of reason, and the deletion — the removal of the anger. That would seem to be a much better approach than the actual attack on another human being. Words have power!

Words can encourage, can edify, can build up. Our words should honor God and His love. Our words should bring light to the darkness of the world. Wise people reflect God’s truth in their lives; the foolish hold God’s truth in contempt and choose their own path.

King Solomon is often cited as the wisest man who ever lived and is attributed as the principal, if not the only author, of Proverbs. In Proverbs 12:18 we read "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Since we know the pain of hurtful words, let’s consider the role of wise words that promote healing within others. We alone are responsible for the words we use.

In a conversation, one person speaks while the other listens. Or that is the intent. However, how do we listen? Do we listen “for the message,” or do we formulate our response even as the other person speaks? I fear the latter is frequently more realistic. Since words are powerful, weighing our words is the more prudent action. If the exchange is emotionally loaded, another adage may be helpful — “Count to 10 before you speak.” Fools babble.

Would we use the same words if our parents were present? Our Heavenly Father is always present. Do our words honor Him? Do our words reflect integrity or baseness? Should we recall another adage of our youth — someone should wash out our mouths with soap for improperly using words?

Are our compliments sincere or falsehoods to manipulate another to fall victim of malicious ridicule? Empty and evasive words are equally hurtful.

While some claim that“silence is golden,” that is another partial truth. Forcing others to use the vocabulary of silence is more deadly than hateful words uttered in anger.

If we are unable to control our tongue, maybe we should recall an admonition of our mother — “If you cannot say anything good, don’t say anything at all.”

Words cause deeper and longer-lasting pains than sticks and stones. At least, there is a greater chance of recovery from physical injuries.

And, yes, I wrote these words weeks ago, read them many times, edited them many times, and chose to share them in the hope of sparing others from “death by tongue.”

Therapeutic? Hopefully.

— This is the opinion of Times Writers Group member Phyllis E. VanBuren, a lifelong learner and enthusiastic educator, who values family, friends, faith, honesty, liberty and integrity. Her column is published the fourth Sunday of the month.

This article originally appeared on St. Cloud Times: Phyllis VanBuren: Power of Words