Paris Hilton's Taco Bell Hotline and Pepsi Colachup: Weirdest Fast Food News This Week

What Are They Thinking?

My job as a food writer involves thinking way too much about fast food, watching too many food TikToks, and sifting through mountains of restaurant-related press releases. That means I come across some really crazy stuff. Even to my fast food-attuned brain, there are still some things every week that stand out for one reason or another, whether it's some new Oreo pizza abomination at Domino's Japan or a soap opera-like tale about a restaurant hiring a fake priest in order to trick employees.

Here is the latest bizarre, wild, or otherwise notable food-related news I've come across, so that you too can share the burden of useless knowledge, disgust, and/or intrigue.

Denny's Free Bacon Stunt

Denny's just revealed the most convoluted bacon promotion ever conceived. The restaurant ran an open letter to Americans in USA Today and the Los Angeles Times, asking them to use clues to track down specific celebrities on social media and hound them into going to Denny's and ordering bacon, thus unlocking free bacon for everyone on August 21. Do they think people actually care about this? Do they think we don't know this has all been pre-arranged with their celebrities? Does this stunt feel like a hostage negotiation to anyone else? Hooray free bacon, I guess.

Colachup: Pepsi's Condiment Abomination

This week in things no one has asked for, Pepsi decided that it needed to make a condiment in order to tie in with all the hot dogs Americans will be eating for the Fourth of July holiday. So it infused Pepsi into ketchup, creating the Frankensauce they call Colachup. Why are they so desperate for this kind of marketing gimmick? Thankfully, it appears it'll only be available at some Major League Baseball games on July 4th, after which it will be erased from everyone's collective memory forever.

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Paris Hilton Shills Taco Bell's Volcano Menu

Taco Bell convinced washed-up it girl Paris Hilton to record a 1-800 hotline for the rerelease of the coveted Volcano Menu. It's a HOTline for HOT spicy tacos from the "that's HOT" catchphrase woman, get it? Well, I called it, and your options include hearing Hilton's advice on how to "sliv" (no I don't know what that means, either), reciting the Volcano Menu to you, her advice on bangs ("No one looks good in bangs, babe"), and simply "press zero to hear Paris say 'That's hot.'" You can call the hotline yourself at 1-844-THTS-HOT, or just read what I had to say about the Volcano Menu when I tried it instead. I promise it's more informative than the hotline, but no promises on the fun factor.

South Park Creators Reopen Casa Bonita

In bizarre yet wholesome news, the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, have officially reopened Casa Bonita, a Denver restaurant with a cult following thanks to its cliff divers, kitschy decor, and terrible Tex-Mex food. It was featured in one of the most memorable episodes of South Park because Stone and Parker had a nostalgic love for it, as many Denver residents do. When Casa Bonita closed and filed for bankruptcy during the pandemic, they stepped in and bought the business. It finally reopened this week, complete with Pepto Bismal colored exterior, rebuilt fountain, and the all important sopapillas.

Related: Star Power on Tap: 31 Restaurants and Bars Backed by Celebrities

Home Run Inn Launches Beer Pizza

Home Run Inn, a Chicago-based pizza chain (and some of the best frozen pizza you can buy), decided to combine beer and pizza, but not in the way you'd expect. Instead of throwing some beer in the crust, they decided to beer up the tomato sauce. Seems weird, but beer and pizza go together anyway, so why not? Unfortunately, the sauced up pizza is only available at its restaurant locations and Wrigley Field, and not your grocer's freezer.

Related: Best Cheap Pizza: Deals and Price Comparison

Kraft Singles for Dessert

Kraft has put American cheese where it doesn't belong: on top of apple pie. A slice of sharp cheddar is a common and perfectly acceptable apple pie topping, but we all know that Kraft Singles are far from good aged cheddar. Not to mention, it's freakin' $45 for two little slice-topped pies. Stop trying to be what you're not, American cheese, because we love you just as you are.