Here’s What Your Parenting Style Says About Your Family
Like children, no two parents are exactly alike. The differences span all aspects of daily life. Some first-time parents have no trouble adjusting to middle-of-the-night feedings; others find this new schedule makes them desperately sleep-deprived. Some parents find pure delight in setting up elaborate arts-and-crafts projects; others would rather sign up their kids for a structured program outside the house. Differences abound—and that's because we're all inherently unique.
It's not just a parents' personality that affects parenting style, either. It's essentially everything that shapes an individual—their age and gender identity, their own developmental history, their morals and religious beliefs, their education level, and even their mental and physical health.
And while no one parenting style is necessarily wrong or right, it's important to understand how—and why—you parent the way you do, plus assess whether or not it's the right approach for your own child (also a unique person with individual wants and needs).
To help you learn more about the most widely recognized parenting styles and identify which one describes yours, we consulted psychologist, family therapists, and behavioral health professionals. Overarchingly, the experts agree: There are four main types of parenting styles.
What are the 4 most widely recognized types of parenting styles?
According to Dushyanthi Satchi, LCSW, there are four parenting styles that are most cited by mental health professionals today and have been the most widely researched in terms of their effects on children: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved.
"These categories, created by Diana Baumrind in the 1960s, are basically distinguished by two factors: the degree of sensitivity to a child's needs and the degree of control over the child."
But what about pop culture references like "helicopter parent," "tiger mom," and "gentle parenting"? There are other styles that have been coined by various clinicians over the years, but Satchi says most clinicians don't typically utilize them because they don't have a lot of research to back them up in terms of impact on the child.
What parenting style is best?
Parents of all kinds typically just want what's best for their children, so it's no surprise they often want to know which of the aforementioned parenting styles is superior. But the truth is: It's a tough question to answer.
While experts generally agree with the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), which says "a balanced, 'authoritative' parenting style has been strongly associated with positive mental health and behavioral outcomes in children and adolescents," there are certainly some pros and cons to each style of parenting.
Let's take a hard look at each one, according to Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist in Santa Rosa, California:
1. Authoritative
The parent consistently sets firm, clear guidelines and reasonable expectations. The parent is attuned to the child’s needs and creates a strong emotional connection. Safety, security, and predictability are the norm.
Children of authoritative parents tend to be self-starters, confident in their abilities, and grounded. Given their parents’ secure style of child-rearing, these children tend to feel very safe and trusting of the world and of others. These children are largely secure, enjoy positive mental health, and tend to grow up to enjoy healthy friendships and romantic relationships.
2. Authoritarian
Authoritarian parents are generally overly rigid. They tend to have unreasonable expectations and may frequently criticize their children. The parent sets the rules, bottom line—they're often unwilling to discuss or shift expectations in reasonable ways.
This parenting style can have significant, lasting mental health consequences. The child of authoritarian parents may be afraid to appropriately question authority or may have very poor boundaries. On the other hand, the child may become a bully or act with aggression in order to counteract the authoritarian parents’ unreasonable rules and rigidity.
On the upside, children of authoritarian parents may be high achievers, since they have always been held to such high standards.
3. Permissive
In this "free range" style of parenting, the parent is often concerned with being overly restrictive and, as a result, defaults to leniency and even a lack of guidance. The permissive parent may be under-attuned to the child’s actual needs in the hopes of fostering independence.
Children who thrive on independence may truly blossom with permissive parents, despite the lack of clear and consistent guidelines. However, children who have a higher need for safety, direction, and security may become highly anxious and insecure if the parents are permissive.
4. Uninvolved
The uninvolved parent lacks a sense of connection to the child. The parent is consistently preoccupied with self-needs, work, or other life issues. The norm is a lack of attention to child-rearing and unresponsiveness to the child’s needs.
Those who have uninvolved parents often have difficulties with stability and interpersonal connection throughout life. These children may have very disorganized internal and external worlds. Because of this lack of healthy interaction, unstable and ambiguous behaviors are common.
What’s your own parenting style?
The truth is: Most parents fluctuate between all the styles based on the situation, says Satchi. "Is it about safety? Higher control. Is it about an outfit on a a Saturday? Higher sensitivity."
That said, parents are categorized by which style they most lean into. Do you generally take a free-range style to parenting—letting your child explore the world around them without much guidance? Chances are you're a permissive parent. Or do you tend to have very strict rules—and punish your child for not following them? Maybe you're an authoritarian parent.
Still not sure? Here's a quick quiz to help you determine your own parenting style.
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