Over-the-top proms: tacky or terrific? The internet is divided

In the wake of the 2023 prom season, teens are posting pictures and videos of their celebratory nights, sparking an online debate on "over-the-top" proms.

MarKeisha Snaith, 31, shared one video on Twitter of two teens (not her kids) preparing for prom. The video zooms in on the teenagers' impeccable outfits and accessories, hair and nails.

"I guess proms are like weddings nowadays," Snaith tweeted. "Is this doing too much?"

"Some people answered the question appropriately: Yes or no," Snaith, who lives in Maryland, tells TODAY.com. "Others assumed I was hating. I'm definitely not a hater of what anybody chooses to do with their children or how they choose to spend their money. Growing up, I can say for myself that we never had proms the way they're having proms now."

Eric Thomas, 35, defends "over-the-top" proms, telling TODAY.com: “People need to stop trying to police how people express joy, especially communities of color.”

“If somebody wants to celebrate their children and they don’t get a lot of opportunities to do so ... who am I to tell somebody that they should have fun in a way that I find fiscally responsible?” Thomas, who lives in Michigan, says.

“We should let people wear a nice dress and stand in front of a nice car for a weekend.”

'It's a terrible cycle'

Snaith remembers that she had to pay for her own prom, adding that as a Black person she wanted to call attention to the issue of "extravagant proms" within the Black community.

"The one thing that I've struggled with for a while and I've been a huge advocate for is educating our youth on how we can better invest their money," she says. "That starts in the household."

Snaith says she is worried that over-the-top proms put pressure on parents.

"It's a terrible cycle," Snaith adds.

The entrepreneur is not the only one to think these types of prom experiences are unnecessary and fiscally irresponsible.

"The over the top prom send off trend is so annoying," one twitter user posted.

"Damn, this was for prom, that's crazy," another twitter user said, sharing another wedding-like video of a teen dressed up for prom in an extravagant headdress, white gown and posing with a live snake.

'Overdoing prom is not the worst thing a parent can do'

Thomas says people should think about their judgments on how a person "displays value."

"We think poor people should look a certain way, and that 'Black' and 'poverty' is a synonymous experience," he says. "Those are really the things we're battling with: 'We think that you are probably a part of a low-income community, and if you're going to be poor you should look more haggard ... and if you're overly joyful, then obviously you don't need help and support.'

Thomas is not alone in thinking that "over-the-top" proms are really not a big deal.

"Proof that prom culture has always been over the top and extra to us," one Twitter user commented, along with photos of Black teens posting for prom in years past.

Nelba Márquez-Green, whose daughter, Ana Grace, was shot and killed inside her Sandy Hook Elementary School classroom in 2014, also weighed in, tweeting: “Overdoing prom is not the worst thing a parent can do. The worst thing a parent could ever do is bury a child. Let people celebrate. Tomorrow is not promised.”

Claire Short, 22, was a sophomore in Ohio when her then-boyfriend, a junior, gave her what many considered to be an extravagant proposal: He ran a 5.5 mile route to spell out "prom" on his tracker, then sent it to Short.

"I thought it was sweet," Short, who just graduated from Colgate University, tells TODAY.com.

Short thinks many teens feel "pressured" to have excessive proms, adding that "prom culture and joy expression in young adults is impacted a lot by heteronormativity and gender roles at that age."

She also thinks the online debate is often perpetuated by older generations who "are a little bit more out of touch" with a "culture that has changed."

"(They) don't know what it's like to be a teenager in high school in the 2020s," Short says. "Their input is just not wanted or necessary or useful."

This article was originally published on TODAY.com