Sick of all the terrifying and sad headlines that have dominated the news these last couple of weeks? So are we. As a partial antidote, check out our Retail Police Blotter, a semi-regular roundup of all the weird crimes that went down at the nation's retailers and fast food joints.
Nude Woman at Walmart
Do you ever leave the house to go shopping, and the whole time you can't help feeling like you forgot to do something?
For one Pennsylvania woman, that "something" was apparently "putting on clothes." Jessica Lynn Weitkamp allegedly took a stroll through her local Walmart in the buff, and along the way she yelled at employees and caused more than $300 in damage. She was nabbed by police on her way out the door and charged with a variety of crimes, including "open lewdness."
Pushing her Luck
A second Walmart crime this week comes courtesy of Florida, where a woman stole a TV worth $448. Then she came back later that same day and attempted the exact same crime, apparently emboldened by her first success.
That time, loss-prevention officers were ready for her, and managed to stop her from absconding with the second TV. But she apparently kicked, elbowed and clawed at security and managed to give them a slip, and police still don't know who she was.
Presumably she's at home watching her stolen TV, and is extremely miffed that she doesn't have a second TV to watch at the same time.
Trading McDonald's for Sex
Police in Albuquerque, N.M., watched as a man picked up a woman in an "area known for prostitution." Then they watched as the two drove through the McDonald's drive-through and ordered some food. When they caught up with the couple at a local park, they found the two in the throes of passion.
Both of them confirmed that he bought her food at the drive-through, and received sex in exchange.
Mace Attacks at TJ Maxx
Minnesota's City Pages brings us the tale of a thief who did a bit of shoplifting at his local TJ Maxx, then covered his escape with a cloud of pepper spray that sickened several customers and employees.
That's weird enough on its own, though not unprecedented. (A few years ago, for example, a Black Friday shopper pepper-sprayed other Walmart customers during a scrum to get to some heavily-discounted video games.) But what makes this story truly strange was that store management didn't think the incident warranted calling the police, who only found out about it from one of the victims. According to the Star Tribune, there have been similar attacks at other TJ Maxx locations in the area, and upper management had hoped to crack the case in-house.
Dapper Shoplifter Cleans Out Multiple Walgreens
A Denver-area shoplifter managed to steal from seven different Walgreens stores in the space of two days, getting away close to $5,000 worth of merchandise.
The secret to his success? He's so well-dressed that no one suspects him. Police say he wore a sweater over a dress shirt and tie, and had a jacket slung over his shoulder like a fashion model.
And his haul from the robberies suggest he's looking to maintain his dapper lifestyle -- the products he walked out with included teeth-whitening strips and weight-loss pills.
Matt Brownell is the consumer and retail reporter for DailyFinance. You can reach him at Matt.Brownell@teamaol.com, and follow him on Twitter at @Brownellorama.