How Often American Couples Really Make Love, By Age
How Often Do Couples Do It?
If you’re in a committed, long-term relationship, it’s easy to wonder how "normal" you and your partner are compared to your peers — especially when it comes to arousal.
Over the years, various studies have tried to answer the age-old question of how often couples making love. While some show that arousal occurs about weekly on average, a couple’s age, libidos, and other factors can change that number drastically.
Below, we’ve dug into the most recent scientific research to find out how often couples usually make love and the related trends researchers have found. We’ve also shared several tips and techniques you can use if your relationship is going through a dry spell.
Factors That Affect How Often Couples Make Love
Have you ever wondered how you and your partner stack up in terms of frequency? Well, the most straightforward answer is that couples do it 53 times per year on average, or just over one time per week.
This number comes primarily from a study published in 2017.
However, like with many statistics, numerous additional factors play a role in how much love people have. These include:
Age. People in their late teens, 20s and 30s have it the most often, while older adults are usually less active. We’ve dug into the link between age and activity in more detail below.
Location. The frequency is pretty consistent across the United States, but there are some location-based differences. For example, research shows that people in the West have it the most (approximately 60 times per year, on average), while people in the East have the least (just under 50 times per year).
Relationship status. It's is far more convenient when you and your partner live under the same roof — a fact that has historically given married couples and people who live together an advantage in terms of frequency.
Work. Working full-time seems to get in the way of it. Full-time workers average 45 acts per year, while non-workers and people employed part-time have it an average of 62 times per year.
Average Frequency of Love-Making By Age
It’s normal to slow down a little as you get older, at least when it comes to physical activity. Love-Making is no exception, with data showing that younger people, on average, have it more often than older people.
According to the same research mentioned above, people have it much more in their 20s than by the time they reach retirement age:
In their 20s, people have it an average of more than 80 times a year, or slightly more than once every five days.
By the age of 45, people have it an average of 60 times per year, or just over once a week.
By age 65, most people have it around 20 times per year, or less than one time every two weeks.
How Often Do Married Couples Have It?
We’ve all heard that it slows down once you tie the knot — a belief that can feel correct since many relationships slow down after that initial honeymoon phase.
For decades, though, this belief was untrue, and married people had it more often than their single counterparts. However, since the 2000s, the gap between married and unmarried people has shrunk considerably and, in some instances, has even reversed.
As of 2014, married people had it slightly less than their unmarried peers (55 times a year for married people vs. 59 times for unmarried people).
Experts aren’t sure precisely why this difference exists or why what used to be an advantage has become a disadvantage, but some believe it may be related to the increasing age at which most people get married.
In 1990, the average age for women to get married was twenty-three. As of 2016, the average marriage age for women was twenty-seven.
This difference in average marriage age may be responsible for the decline in frequency among married couples over the last few decades.
How Often Should Couples Make Love?
From time to time, just about every couple ponders certain questions. How much should we be having? Is our life normal? Are we having less than we should be, and does it mean something is wrong with our relationship?
Whether you’re in a relationship or single, there’s no magic number when it comes to the number of times you should have it per week.
Instead of worrying about what other people do, it’s always best to focus on maintaining a love life that keeps you and your partner happy.
Some people like to have it every day or sometimes more than once a day. Others prefer it every other day, once a week or even less frequently than this.
How to Have More Love with Your Partner
There are a few things that you should be aware of when it comes to maintaining a healthy love life.
First, if you’re not making love as much as you’d like, it’s important to talk to your partner about your feelings.
Second, it’s also important to let your partner know if you think there’s a mismatch between the amount of love you want and the amount of love they want.
If you’re both starting to feel frustrated or if you’re no longer having love at all, it’s often a sign that it’s time to take action.
Good ways to rekindle the fire include:
Communicating with each other about your needs
Talking to a therapist or other therapy provider
Making more time to connect and have love
Treating love-related issues like erectile dysfunction
Focusing on the health benefits of it
Checking your physical health and testosterone levels
Read on to learn more about each of these techniques, with practical tips that you can use to enjoy a better love life.
Communicate With Each Other
Communication is essential for almost every aspect of your relationship, including your connection.
If you’re frustrated or disappointed with your love life, your first step should always be to talk to your partner. Tell them how you feel about your love life — and, most importantly — why you feel that way.
Sometimes, a quick conversation is all it takes to recognize you’re actually on the same page regarding love, which makes it easier to identify what you can do to make your love life more enjoyable.
If you’re looking for simple changes that you can make as a couple, our list of ways to spice up your love life shares simple techniques that can make love more exciting.
See a "Love" Therapist
In some cases, just talking to your partner isn’t enough to solve an underlying issue causing you to make less love. If that’s true for you, try talking about it with a therapist.
This is a form of counseling that’s built around identifying and solving issues. It’s often used to treat intimacy problems, differences in drive or worries about issues that can get in the way of having a healthy love relationship.
Many therapists specialize in treating problems like performance anxiety, which can affect your physical and emotional ability to make love.
As part of therapy, your therapist might provide “homework” — activities that you and your partner can work on together to strengthen your connection, feel more relaxed with each other or introduce more of a spark into the bedroom.
If your love life is suffering because of depression, anxiety or stress, you can also connect with a therapy provider online to process and navigate your emotions.
(Related: Does Honey Make You Last Longer?)
Make More Time for Love
If you’ve recently noticed the frequency of love-making dropping in your relationship, it might help you and your partner to make changes to your lifestyle that prioritize time for love and minimize stress, anxiety and distractions.
Life gets busy sometimes, but if you’re constantly dealing with a busy schedule — and your partner is too — finding time for love can get seriously difficult.
Sometimes, making simple changes to the way you plan your day can make finding time for love easier. Try:
Planning time for one or two romantic nights a week. A date night is a great way to make intimacy part of your schedule again. Consider making some days “off-limits” for thinking about work or other responsibilities, giving you and your partner more time to enjoy each other’s company.
Switching off the TV, computer or other devices. If you usually spend your evenings relaxing in front of the TV, try switching it off at least one night a week to give yourselves more time for love. Toys are the only devices you should be playing with at this time.
Schedule love-making ahead of time. If you’re running short on time, consider putting time on the calendar just for love. While scheduling love might not sound all that romantic, it’s unlikely you’ll care much once you get started.
FYI: Some things can’t be avoided. The question “How often do married couples with kids make love?” has a very different answer from the answer for childfree couples since kids often significantly reduce time and space for intimacy. If your intimacy is struggling because of unavoidable responsibilities, take the celibate time to express affection in other ways — your love life will come back eventually.
Share the Health Benefits of Love
Love is critical not just for your well-being and quality of life but also for your physical and mental health. And if you share this information with your partner, it may help the two of you refocus your energies.
Health benefits of having love include:
Better cardiovascular health. Love is a form of exercise. While it might not be quite as intense as running or lifting weights, love can get your muscles moving and your heart beating, meaning it often benefits your cardiovascular health.
Reduced stress. Love is relaxing and fun — which makes it great for relieving stress. Research shows that love might help to reduce exposure to stress, modify the body’s stress response and help promote recovery after stressful events. Cuddling helps too, FYI.
Stronger intimacy and emotional connection. Having frequent love creates intimacy, which is vital for developing and maintaining a strong emotional connection with your partner. This connection can provide the support that makes certain parts of your life easier to manage.
(Related: ED Cures for Seniors: How to Get Hard at 65+)
If You Have Erectile Dysfunction, Treat It
Erectile dysfunction (ED) is a common health condition that may affect your love life. Research shows that 30 million men in the United States, or just under a third of the entire US adult male population, are affected by ED.
Contrary to what many people think, ED can develop at any age, including in your 20s, 30s and 40s.
A variety of factors can cause or contribute to ED, including:
Physical health issues, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes and certain types of medication
Lifestyle and health-related factors, such as a lack of physical activity, excessive alcohol consumption, drug use, smoking and having excess weight or obesity
Psychological and emotional problems, such as depression, anxiety, stress or feelings of guilt about love
Medications, such as blood pressure treatments, antiandrogens, antidepressants, ulcer medications and prescription sedatives
Since ED can take a serious toll on your well-being, it’s important to seek expert help if you’re one of the millions of affected men and get medication if necessary.
Check Your Physical Health
If you’re making love less often because you just don’t feel the urge, it could be worth looking into your physical health.
Desire is both mental and physical. As you get older, issues that can affect your drive tend to become more common.
These include:
Low testosterone, which can reduce your level of interest in love-making and make maintaining an erection harder.
Clogged arteries and/or high blood pressure, which can affect blood flow and contribute to problems like ED, poor stamina and low satisfaction.
Some physical issues may also affect your partner’s libido. For example, many women feel less interested in love-making during perimenopause and menopause.
If you think a physical issue like low testosterone is causing you to feel less interested in love-making, consider meeting with your primary care provider or a urologist. They’ll be able to check your testosterone levels, if appropriate, and diagnose any relevant health issues.
How Often Do Couples Make Love? Final Thoughts
When it comes to love-making frequency, what’s considered normal or “enough” varies a lot from one couple to another.
On average, most people have it about once a week. However, there’s nothing wrong with having more (or less) of it if that’s what you and your partner prefer.
If you think you aren’t having it often enough, let your partner know. You can solve most issues by talking with your partner, making changes to your lifestyle and setting aside extra time for love-making.
Other options for improving your connection include seeing a therapist and treating common problems like ED.
If a health problem like ED is affecting your love life, consider trying an FDA-approved ED medication like Viagra (sildenafil) or Cialis (tadalafil) to boost your confidence and improve your erections.
This article originally appeared on Hims.com and was syndicated by MediaFeed.org.
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