In these NFL playoffs, the Dallas Cowboys’ ”Magic Number” is just two

The Dallas Cowboys are back here again, and you best prepare your hearts, and homes, accordingly.

You have filled your Mug-O-Cynicism to 122 oz.

All easily-thrown objects will be out of the living room by 7 p.m. on Monday. Just in case you are feeling as if you may be blessed with drunk muscles on Monday night, may not be a bad idea to move the microwave and ‘fridge into the front yard.

Your Cowboys anger, Cowboys defeatism, and Jerry rage are all adjusted to January levels. Because we know what’s coming.

It’s the NFL playoffs, where the Dallas Cowboys go to die.

This coach, this quarterback, this owner, this vice president, and the entire franchise will be evaluated based on what they do now, and if they can collectively win two more games.

Not three. Four is a fantasy.

Get your expectations down, people.

Just give us two.

Two more wins.

This impossible task begins on Monday night when the Cowboys play Grampa Tom Brady and his Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Fun Factoid: The Cowboys’ last playoff road win came on Jan. 17, 1993 when they defeated the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC title game en route to winning the Super Bowl in the 1992 season.

Given the fluid, mediocre nature of the NFC, it’s just as plausible the Cowboys will go to the Super Bowl as it is they will lose to Tom Brady again, this time on a last-second, 99-yard Hail Mary pass.

Regardless of what happens on Monday night, the team is not firing head coach Mike McCarthy nor will they dump quarterback Dak Prescott. Don’t think Jerry Jones is selling the team, either.

The team is 24-10 in the past two seasons combined with an NFC East title, and consecutive playoff appearances. You don’t fire that coach, or cut that quarterback.

Also, the Dallas Cowboys have not won two playoff games in the same postseason since 1995; that season, the Cowboys defeated Philadelphia Eagles in the divisional round, the Green Bay Packers in the NFC title game en route to their last Super Bowl title.

The boring reality about the Cowboys is that they are not a horrible NFL franchise. They win more football games than they lose, and generate a ton of money.

They are a pretty good team that, for whatever reason, has not had a decent January playoff run in 25 years. Beginning in 2006, the final year under coach Bill Parcells, the Cowboys have consistently played relevant games throughout the entire season.

Since winning the 1995 Super Bowl, the Cowboys are 4-11 in the playoffs. This includes an 0-7 record in road playoff games.

The closest the Cowboys have come to reaching an NFC title game in that span happened three times:

In 2007, the Cowboys were 13-3 and had home field advantage, but lost in the divisional round to the New York Giants, 21-17. That one still stings.

In 2014, the Cowboys lost 26-21 at Green Bay in the divisional round; it’s known as the “Dez Bryant ‘Catch’’ game. The Cowboys could have won this game, but the defense was so average it’s hard to see this group winning the Super Bowl.

In 2016, the Cowboys hosted Aaron Rodgers and the Packers in the divisional round, and lost 34-31 on Mason Crosby’s 51-yard field goal as time expired. This was Prescott’s rookie year, and despite finishing 13-3 the defense wasn’t quite strong enough.

The Cowboys have done what this team is supposed to do by making the playoffs again. They positioned themselves to do something meaningful in January.

It would be wonderful to think that this team is good enough to go on a run and reach the Super Bowl, but there are only three teams in the NFL that inspire such belief. They are all in the AFC (Kansas City, Cincy, Buffalo).

The goal for the Cowboys is to win four straight games, but, at this point, we will all be thrilled if they get two.