‘I have to live my life with anger now.’ Jurors hear raw grief from Parkland parents

Jurors on Tuesday heard from more families of the 14 students murdered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High in Parkland.

The relatives read their “victim impact” statements in the trial against gunman Nikolas Cruz, who has already pleaded guilty to murdering the students and three staff members,. and wounding 17 others, during the Feb. 14, 2018, massacre. The jury will consider whether to sentence Cruz to death, or life in prison.

Loved ones of three victims — students Joaquin Oliver and Alaina Petty, and teacher Scott Beigel — on Monday became the first to tell their stories to jurors.

On Tuesday, the scene was equally as emotional. Several of Cruz’s own defense attorneys wept as families spoke. At least two jurors wiped away tears, as did media members watching in the gallery. Even lead Broward prosecutor Mike Satz dabbed his eyes, once the jury went on an afternoon break.

Jurors heard more heartbreaking life stories, this time about:

▪ Alyssa Alhadeff, the older sister to two younger brothers. She was the captain of her school’s soccer team and aspired to go to law school. She was 14 when she was shot to death.

Her mother, Lori Alhadeff, called her the “heartbeat” of the family. Jurors heard that Lori sometimes sleeps with Alyssa’s blanket, and sprays her daughter’s favorite perfume, Victoria’s Secret PINK star petals body mist, to feel close to her.

“It’s like I have all the love in the world to give and no one to give to,” Lori said.

Her father, Dr. Ilan Alhadeff, angrily raised his voice in recounting the family’s grief. One of his sons asks to go see Alyssa at the cemetery. Another asked to switch bedrooms to be closer to his sister’s old room.

“She has this infectious laugh that now I only get to watch on TikTok videos,” Ilan said, adding: “Daddy’s girl was taken from me. ... All I know is a piece of my heart was not just cut out, but it was ripped out of my damn chest. My insides burn like a damned inferno. It took me so long to be able to feel empathy again. I have to live my life with anger now.”

Ilan and Lori Alhadeff testified side by side. Afterward, still in the witness box, they shared an emotional embrace.

Alyssa’s grandmother, Theresa Robinovitz, recalled that after the murder, she walked into her granddaughter’s house, looking around and thinking: “The photos on the walls will never change.”

▪ Nicholas Dworet, the captain of the MSD swim team, who was about to graduate and eventually attend the University of Indiana on an athletics scholarship. He was 17.

His parents, in a statement read to the jury, said Nicholas hoped to study finance and one day move to Boston with his girlfriend.

Parents Annika and Mitchell Dworet sat together in the witness box. Annika recalled her son’s close relationship with his younger brother, Alex, who was also wounded in the attack. She smiled remembering her older son’s insatiable appetite, particularly for sushi, pizza and sweets. “We found a hidden stash of Oreo boxes in his closet,” she said.

Nicholas had also wanted to compete in the 2020 Tokyo Olympics, for Sweden, the country of his family’s origin. After his death, his parents found a note he’d written to himself, vowing to make the team. “I will give all I have in my body and mind to achieve my goals,” he wrote.

Said Annika: “There are no words to express how much we will miss Nick.”

▪ Luke Hoyer, the 15-year-old youngest of three siblings. His mother remembered the countless hours spent with her “Lukie Bear,” ferrying him to basketball games, friends’ homes and his favorite Chick-fil-A restaurant. She recalled his morning routine of watching ESPN sports highlights over breakfast.

On his final morning — which was on Valentine’s Day — she left him a card and Skittles on his bathroom counter. He thanked her. It’s still there today. His room remains untouched, Gina Hoyer told jurors.

“My world is different now. Every morning I wake up knowing Luke is not upstairs in his bed is pure agony,” she said.

His sister, Abby Hoyer, noted all the parts of her life that are not normal: coming home to a shrine dedicated to her brother, seeing his ashes in her mother’s closet, celebrating his birthday without him.

“On the days I don’t think about my brother I feel guilty,” Abby Hoyer said. “On the days I do think about him, I feel broken.”

▪ Carmen Schentrup, 16, a creative teen who loved music, voraciously reading books and visiting museums. She aspired to attend the University of Florida and become a medical scientist, her parents said in a letter read to the court.

“She was going to change the world. We love and miss her dearly,” said the letter read by State Attorney’s Office victims advocate Ta’Veca Collins.

▪ Jaime Guttenberg, the 14-year-old dancer who longed to attend the University of Florida and become a pediatric physical therapist.

“She wanted to help a child walk for the first time,” her mother, Jennifer Guttenberg, tearfully told jurors.

Her death roiled the family, even as her father, Fred Guttenberg, became a prominent activist against gun violence.

Tensions exist now, where none did before. Fred Guttenberg told jurors that his son, Jesse Guttenberg, remains angry. He was 17 at the time of the shooting, and was also a student at MSD. He accompanied his younger sister every day to and from school.

“My son wishes it was him. He struggles with the reality he could not save his sister,” he told jurors. “He has struggled with me. I was the one who convinced him to run, to turn around and not go into the building.”

Guttenberg also grapples with the banality of his final words to his daughter, before he rushed her off to school that morning.

“My final words to my daughter ... were not ‘I love you,’ but were ‘You’re going to be late,’ ” he told jurors.

The family now feels incomplete. Their first road-trip vacation after Jaime’s death was not their usual haunt, South Carolina, because that was her favorite destination. The trip ended up “lousy,” Fred Guttenberg said, with his wife and son begging to go home within minutes of leaving.

Jennifer Guttenberg told jurors she won’t even eat Jaime’s favorite foods, or watch her favorite TV shows.

“I can’t watch Gator football games because Jaime should be at her dream school watching those games herself,” Jennifer Guttenberg said.

▪ Meadow Pollack, 18, a senior with plans to attend Lynn University. She was the sister to two brothers.

Her mother, Shara Kaplan, told jurors that Meadow’s death is an “unspeakable punishment.”

“It has destroyed my life and my capabilities of ever living a productive existence,” Kaplan said.

▪ Aaron Feis, the school monitor and assistant coach who died as he ran into the freshman building, toward the gunfire.

His wife, in a statement read to the court, recalled the devout man she met in church years ago, who cooked for his family during holiday gatherings and valued how sports could positively affect students.

His daughter, Arielle, will be 13 in June. “Aaron was the doting father every little girl hopes and dreams about,” Melissa Feis said in a letter read by friend Marilyn Binner.

▪ Martin Duque Anguiano, who was 14 yeaers old, a native of Mexico. In a letter read to jurors, his family said he “was an old soul” who loved “Star Wars.” He wanted to one day become a Navy SEAL.

“He always told his parents he was going to buy a house for them,” the letter read.