EXCLUSIVE: Mom of late Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst weighs in on recent pageant resignations

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The mother of beloved former Miss USA 2019 Cheslie Kryst is sharing her late daughter's powerful story and the reality of living with mental illness in the pageant world.

April Simpkins fulfilled one of her daughter’s final wishes in April by finishing and publishing Kryst’s memoir, “By the Time You Read This: The Space Between Cheslie’s Smile and Mental Illness,” which tells Kryst’s story through her own words before she died by suicide in January 2022 and Simpkins' own reflections as her mother.

“My job was not to convince other people of who she was, but to hold tight to who I know she was,” Simpkins said of her daughter while speaking with TODAY.com in December 2022.

Now, Simpkins is continuing the conversation, telling TODAY.com that the book gives a behind-the-scenes look at both the good and bad experiences of the titleholders and will be a way to carry on Kryst’s legacy for years to come.

In recent weeks, the Miss USA organization has experienced several resignations, with former Miss USA 2023 Noelia Voigt citing mental health as a contributing factor. As more women are hanging up their crowns, Simpkins is taking another deep dive into the “critical” conversation around mental health, both in pageantry and beyond.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

In light of the recent resignations in the Miss USA Organization, have you been thinking about Cheslie more?

I don't know that I've thought about her suddenly more because thinking about her is part of my day. Many of her artifacts from being Miss USA are here in my house, like her sash and her crown and crown replicas.

I have been thinking a lot more of the women who have resigned, and I've certainly thought a lot more of my personal dear friend Paula Shugart, who was in a leadership role when Cheslie was there. I've thought of them more, but I think about Cheslie every day.

What would Cheslie be saying to these women resigning right now?

I couldn't paraphrase word for word, but I know that Cheslie would be giving them lots of words of support and encouragement, having been a titleholder herself, and knowing all of the great things that it did for her. I think she would weigh the gravity of that decision of resigning and be there to offer her support.

What is the most misunderstood part of the impact the pageant world has on mental health?

I think pageantry as an industry has certainly gone through an evolution, and I'm glad to see that from where it began to where it is now, and the opportunities it affords women.

There's this assumption that (pageants are) all about outward beauty and doesn't carry any other accolade for the woman who wears that crown or competes for it. It does not speak to the skills that these women gain and it certainly does not take into account the lifelong friendships and sisterhood that it generates.

It did afford Cheslie opportunities that she may not have had were she not in a pageant. She was a brilliant correspondent for “Extra.” It was being in the pageant and having the opportunity to do many interviews so that “Extra” could see her personality, how she engaged, and gave her that opportunity that she would not have had.

So often, people will speak either based on someone who had maybe a very negative experience, and then want to use that to describe everyone's experience. And that’s really unfortunate. I think there were a lot of good things about the pageant.

I do think there are some things about pageantry that are unfortunate, and part of the job of being Miss USA or being a titleholder in a very prominent pageant. Cheslie talked about those things (in the book) and did a wonderful job, in my opinion, of giving people a behind-the-scenes look at the good and the bad.

The downside, and she talked about this, was the grueling schedule. If you are a Miss USA titleholder, you are going to travel the United States and sometimes that schedule can be daunting. Cheslie did a great job of being very transparent about the things she found to be challenging in that regard.

What was going through your head when Cheslie won the title for Miss USA?

I was there when Cheslie became Miss North Carolina USA (in 2019), and Cheslie is just such a go-getter. When she won her title in North Carolina, she famously talked about how she must have done like 50 appearances, and this was in addition to preparing for the national pageant and working a full-time job as a licensed attorney, still representing clients, and also doing the pro bono work that she loved and community service with Dress for Success. I knew that if she earned that national title, she was going to be gung-ho with that as well. And she absolutely was, so I was proud of her for that.

I personally grew weary when she won the Miss North Carolina title and I began to see the online trolling. It was a proud moment for her to win that title and have the opportunity to be one of 51 women that year to compete on the national stage, but the fans are very competitive and they want their state to win. And so they do a little bit of trash talking. That was the one thing that really surprised me, and Cheslie began to coach me, saying, “Don’t read the comments, Mom.” But it’s hard not to do that as a mom, because a lot of those comments are very complimentary.

When she went on to win the national title, (the negative comments were) going to continue because now she's representing the country at the Miss Universe pageant. It expanded from people on a state level, hoping their state wins, to people on a global level, hoping their country wins. So now, some of the comments were coming from other countries. For me, that was hard. While Cheslie was the kind of person who stayed steadfast in what she knew she needed to do to prepare for that competition, I do believe that some of those comments got to her. I mean, she's human. How could they not?

It seems like the kind of fame that happens nearly overnight.

I love how Cheslie talks in the book about how they go through two weeks of rehearsal because they want to win that (Miss USA) title. But there's not a lot of explanation of what happens in the immediate once you win that title. And so if she didn't know (about the overnight fame), we certainly didn't know.

When Vanessa Lachey said “North Carolina” ... my husband and I did not know what to do. Do we go to the stage? Is someone going to come get us? We couldn’t even approach the stage because we didn’t have any security passes or anything. So we had to have somebody who could identify us: “Yes, those are her parents.” And boom, we were in the room talking with her.

I really thought after she won, she would come home first and we would celebrate her, and she would pack up her things and say goodbye to everybody and move to New York. When Esther Swan, who was the director of talent (for Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe), was in the room and said Cheslie's leaving at 4:30 in the morning to catch her flight, that was the moment we — Cheslie, me, my husband — realized her life is literally about to change overnight. She's not coming home. She's gone to live in New York.

Did Cheslie expect that to happen so quickly?

I really don’t think so because we all looked kind of shocked. And they were telling Cheslie, “Take out any of the clothing that you haven’t already worn,” so that she could send the rest of her clothing home because she would be meeting with a stylist. Her wardrobe was going to be planned for her. I was sitting right next to Cheslie and we were all kind of stunned together.

She did not return (home) until she did her homecoming week in June, I believe, but we decided that we would stay with her in the room for as long as we possibly could, as long as we could stay awake. My husband must have dragged me out of there probably at like 2 in the morning. I wanted to drink it all in.

Has the Miss USA Organization changed since Cheslie competed? Can you see where these resignations are coming from?

I don't know really anything about the organization as it is right now. When Cheslie was there, the level of support she got was incredible. And I've mentioned this before, I don't think it's the same.

I know that USA and Universe were bifurcated. Now, Universe and USA have their own leadership. When Cheslie was there, it was combined, but that also meant when Cheslie moved to New York into the titleholders' apartment, she was rooming with Miss Universe, who had already been there, so there's this kind of overlap. She's moving in with someone who has lived in that apartment for a while and has kind of learned how things work, has been in New York. Cheslie talked about Zozi (Tunzi) moving in, who became Miss Universe 2019, and how Cheslie showed Zozi the ropes.

So, you had kind of this soft landing, even though it was all new. Your roommate is someone who had already gained lived experience.

Did Cheslie get a lot of support from the Miss USA Organization?

Yes ... When Cheslie lived (in a titleholders’ apartment in New York), Paula lived in the same building. I know that because when COVID-19 hit, Paula would help make sure that they had essentials that they needed, so she wouldn’t have to leave the building. And were Paula not available, because she was the president of Miss Universe Organization, Esther Swan, who was the director of talent (for Miss USA, Miss Teen USA and Miss Universe), was always there. As a matter of fact, there were a number of times when Cheslie would need to make a decision and she would tell Esther, “Let’s get my mom on the phone,” and me, Cheslie and Esther would laugh and talk. She had so much support. It was incredible.

I don't know what it's like now, but when Cheslie was there, she did (have support). Cheslie was dealing with a mental illness and having support (was) vital, having someone to talk to, just someone who had eyes on her sometimes through that process of getting her bearings.

I'm so grateful that she had Zozi there through the pandemic, that Cheslie did not have to be in an apartment isolated by herself. She had a roommate that she could talk to and laugh with and they can share stories and how they're feeling, so it was a different experience for her.

Do you feel that Cheslie's mental health worsened after she claimed her Miss USA 2019 title, or was the pressure constant?

Cheslie competed in pageants for most of the time she was in law school, so she was in the Miss America system first. In the Miss America system, you don't start at state level, you start at local level. Cheslie was competing and winning or losing pageants before she made it to the final two at the Miss America. So this was not new for her, how pageants were going to impact her mental health.

I feel safe in saying that she had good tools in her toolbox, to deal with a lot of the pressure and stereotypes that come along with pageantry. And it just kind of moved to the next level. But I feel certain in saying that she had solid support from the local level to the state level to the national level. She had good support. That's so important, that support. I'm always very specific because I can't speak for everyone's experience.

What do you think of women in the pageant world trying to destigmatize the conversation around mental health?

I think it's critical. There are many things that I appreciated about Cheslie's reign in comparison to the reign of some others. Cheslie was determined to show her real self. Cheslie would have pictures on her Instagram, for example, that were snapshots she took not curated photos from a photographer. She would show herself without makeup and her hair pulled into a bun. She was fine to be in her eyeglasses with her hair bonnet on that she wore at night.

She took some heat from people who thought, "Well, she doesn't look like a pageant queen," and Cheslie's response to that was, "No, this is what a pageant queen looks like. I'm a real person." That was always this underlying tone.

I do think that the pressure, sometimes self-imposed, to look like a pageant queen can impact your mental health, because it does force you to wear this mask.

When Cheslie passed, because so many people were so shocked that this happy, bubbly, cheerful person (died by suicide), I'm like, "You have to take into account that her jobs required her to show up and present herself a certain way. You can't interview celebrities and noteworthy people on a red carpet or at a film event and wear outward signs of depression. The celebrity is probably not going to come over to you if you don't look inviting or sound happy to see them." And that's a challenge.

I saw (former Miss USA 2023 Noelia Voigt’s and former Miss USA Teen 2023 UmaSofia Srivastava’s) moms talk about the changes they saw behind the scenes in the personalities of these young women. My hope is that they will normalize this conversation around the importance of taking care of your mental health. You have to do that for yourself, and if you feel like your mental health is being compromised, just like your physical health, you need to say something.

I don’t know what their stories are, but I know that it clearly got to a point that Noelia felt like, “I need to leave this position for the sake of my mental health.” And as an advocate, I’m proud of her for doing that. There are a lot of people who stay in roles, even though it’s impacting their mental health and they pay a price for that. Your mental health, the toll it puts on you long term, is unfortunate.

It's a big misunderstanding that someone who presents well can't be depressed.

It's so far from the truth. There are celebrities who aren't smiling enough and people go after them. How can you look depressed? How can you have this attitude? I don't see journalists, who are on TV, presenting in any other way but the way we expect them to show up. And if they show up in another way, it's news, and people aren't kind and gracious.

There are a lot of us who are forced to wear a mask, but it does not take away from the fact that your mental health behind that mask might be suffering. I do hope that we continue to make space for people to say, “My mental health is being compromised. I need to make a change.”

How do you see Cheslie's legacy continuing to be carried out?

With regards to this book, I know that her legacy is going to carry on for years to come. I remember a quote, and I'm paraphrasing, that legacy isn't something that you etch in stone, it's something people carry inside of them.

A number of people who have read her book have messaged me to tell me it helped them, or they are giving the book now to their daughter so they can have conversation, or they received the book as a gift (and said), “Thank you for sharing so transparently.” I really believe that Cheslie’s legacy is being transparent, showing what it looks like to really have that battle going on, but still continue to move forward.

Like I said in the book, she did not allow her mental illness or its side effects, like the constant headaches, to take away her ability to love and give and experience joy. Cheslie had a strong spirit of giving. With the Cheslie C. Kryst Foundation, we're going to continue giving in her honor to young people and adults, organizations that support the mental health of our young people and young adults.

Is there anything else you want to add on this conversation around mental health?

I hope these conversations around mental health continue. I stood on the Miss Universe stage in January of 2023 and told people to share Cheslie's story. And my hope is that this book will be a buy one, give one, so that we can continue these conversations and talking about mental health.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com