Drew Robinson and his dog Ellie still spread the word about mental health for the Giants

It’s a bright San Francisco morning at Channel Street Dog Park. Drew Robinson is talking calmly about some of the darkest things a person can go through. And all his 5-year-old golden doodle service dog Ellie wants is for Robinson to throw that green rubber ball in his hands.

Robinson, a 30-year-old mental health consultant for the San Francisco Giants, played parts of three seasons with the Texas Rangers and St. Louis Cardinals between 2017 and 2019.

In February 2021, in a much-read feature by ESPN’s Jeff Passan, Robinson revealed an incredible story: He survived an April 2020 suicide attempt that cost him use of his right eye and he wanted to play baseball again.

His comeback fell short, with Robinson hitting .115 in 111 plate appearances in Sacramento with the River Cats in 2021 before announcing his retirement. But it’s led him to another path, one that helps Robinson play a vital role in burgeoning mental health work by the Giants organization.

“What I notice is, the players listen to Drew in a different way than they listen to a professional,” said Shana Alexander of Folsom, the Giants’ mental health director.

They pay attention to him – and to the dog that’s at his side every place he goes.

Finding the will to live

At the start of an interview with The Bee at the dog park, a 10-minute walk from Oracle Park, where Robinson and Ellie recently spent several days, Robinson explained it was no problem to discuss at length the incident that changed his life.

“I’ve realized it wouldn’t be beneficial to kind of share it, but then also hold back,” Robinson said. “So I’m comfortable talking as in-depth as needed.”

First, he answered questions about how he got Ellie as a puppy, surprising his significant other, Daiana Anguelova, at Christmas in 2016. The two already shared a dog, Brodi, and a small apartment. But, lacking a Christmas present for Anguelova, Robinson couldn’t resist. “It was the best impulse decision ever,” Robinson said.

In 2019, however, life began to change with Robinson experiencing what he called his “three ingredients for recipe of disaster.” First came a season-ending injury, then a release by the Cardinals, and finally, a decision to call off a planned wedding with Anguelova. She left, taking Brodi and Ellie.

By the time Robinson went to spring training with the Giants organization in early 2020, he’d already begun to plan to end his life.

“It was on my mind,” Robinson said. “So, so often, which was really tough to think about because I was still my … normal goofy, fun-to-be-around self at the field because I enjoyed the baseball lifestyle. But at the same time, if there was downtime in the day during practice or during a game, I would be sitting there thinking about it.”

There is a long history of suicide in Major League Baseball, with 91 players dying by suicide, according to Baseball-Almanac.com, most recently former A’s outfielder Jeremy Giambi on Feb. 9.

Around the time of his planning, Robinson saw a therapist for two or three months, though he wasn’t seriously committed. “I’ve been wording it was as like I was looking for help, but I wasn’t asking for help,” Robinson said.

His suicide attempt came at his Las Vegas house around 8 p.m. on April 16, 2020, about a month after the COVID-19 pandemic halted the season. In a course of improbable events, Robinson shot himself in the head but remained cognizant, eventually going to bed, waking up early the following morning, and wrestling during the day with making another attempt.

“I remember thinking man, I’m not gonna be able to play baseball again,” Robinson said. “And that’s when I really caught myself. Like, if you’re thinking about baseball, you must be thinking about the future.”

He called 911 at 3:48 p.m.

Getting Ellie back

Robinson spent a week and a half in the hospital, followed by five days in a psychiatric hospital.

Anguelova, who’d remained in Robinson’s life, went into support mode. With Robinson barred from having visitors, Anguelova would drive to the hospital parking lot with their dogs and talk on the phone with him as he lay in bed, unable to leave. She would look up at the hospital windows, wondering aloud which one was his.

Anguelova continued to visit Robinson after he was released from the psychiatric hospital, sometimes leaving Ellie with him and taking Brodi home with her. Slowly, Anguelova and Robinson rekindled their romantic relationship, with the two girlfriend-boyfriend today and taking things slow, Robinson said.

Robinson also eventually got the idea to bring Ellie places with him.

“I kind of just took her out in public one time just to see how it would go,” Robinson said. “And she did amazing. And I was like, ‘You know, like this would be pretty awesome to bring her, like take everywhere.’”

He got Ellie certified as a service dog, bringing her to Sacramento last season, where teammates would lift her in the air. Manager Dave Brundage even wanted Ellie to travel with the club, Alexander said. “She just brings a lot of joy and energy wherever she’s at, even if there’s a loss,” Alexander said.

With Ellie trained as a service dog, she can go pretty much wherever Robinson does, though she’s not always with him when they’re at the ballpark. Giants personnel don’t seem to mind Ellie hanging around. Giants infielder David Villar, whose family dog Toledo had to be put down in January, said everyone enjoys having a dog in the clubhouse.

“Dogs bring a sense of joy to humans, especially when you see Ellie and how sweet she is,” Villar said. “And everybody just really gets along with her.”

Fernando Perez, director of video coaching for the Giants and a former MLB player said he’d maybe not ever seen a dog more impressive at catching balls. “I’ll juggle the ball with my feet, like a soccer ball and she’ll catch it every time,” Perez said.

Perez is not alone.

“I think we all at one point or another have had a catch with Ellie with that ball,” said Giants third baseman Jason Vosler, whose grandmother runs a home-based dog-grooming business.

While Robinson spoke to The Bee, Ellie mostly sat attentively and patiently, only occasionally trying to get Robinson or his interviewer to play and throw her preferred green ball in the air.

Ending the stigma of mental health

Alexander, who is trained as a clinical psychologist and in her third year with the Giants, noticed something when she went to Sacramento last year to help out with the players.

“Eight different guys approached me, and I thought, ‘Oh man, what’s going on with Sacramento?’” Alexander said. “And they all shared, ‘Well, Drew shared he works with you. And so we thought, if Drew works with you, it might be worth working with you.’”

When Alexander got wind of Robinson’s retirement, she thought it would be amazing for the team to create a role for him “so he could support mental health needs.” Robinson now works full-time for the team, speaking to community groups and traveling throughout the Giants’ farm system to interact with players.

Meanwhile, in March 2021, Alexander hired an old colleague and fellow clinical psychologist, Scottsdale-based Emily Payette to serve as the team’s minor league mental health coordinator. Payette agreed Robinson has been helpful in getting players to use her and Alexander’s services.

“The players have just so much respect for him, based just on who he is as a person, his history, his time in baseball, and he advocates just all the time for players not to hold things in but to utilize services,” Payette said. “He normalizes it.”

Payette is also guardian of a 10-month-old golden doodle puppy, Willie (for Willie Mays), that the Giants are trying out in the minors as a therapy dog. Ellie tolerates him.

“Poor Willie, he just doesn’t get social cues a lot,” Payette said. “Ellie loves fetch and she’s, as you know, hyper-focused on that ball and playing fetch. A lot of times, Willie just wants to play and will come up to her and try to engage her in play and sniff. … She’s just like, ‘Get away from me.’”

In September, the Giants will hold suicide awareness nights in both San Francisco and Sacramento. Ellie and Willie will be at the local event. Robinson will, too.

Two years into his recovery, Robinson is statistically speaking, still at some risk. The Harvard School of Public Health notes studies showing that of people who attempt suicide, 30 percent will make another attempt, with about one-quarter of that number doing so fatally.

Robinson stays active in his work and his recovery, meeting weekly with a psychiatrist. On Aug. 1, he announced the arrival of his mental health nonprofit, the Better U Foundation.

As his interview wrapped up, Robinson mentioned a quote close to his heart: “People would rather hear from you, than hear about you.”

And then it was time for Robinson and Ellie to head to their next destination.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides confidential assistance to anyone in crisis and their loved ones through a live chat and free 24-hour hotline: 988. WellSpace Health operates the Sacramento region’s 24-hour hotline: 916-368-3111 or text HOPE to 916-668-4226.