These Mom Jokes Will Definitely Give Dad a Run for His Money
Dad, it's time to step aside—moms are the ones who actually hold the title for the funniest parent. With all the mess children put them through, they have to have a good sense of humor! Just look at Ree Drummond's funny Instagram posts! Or the grace with which she takes a classic snake prank! She's definitely the first to laugh. Ree is not the exception to the rule, she exemplifies it—moms really can do it all, including telling hilarious mom jokes.
Motherhood can be hard, and that's probably why moms are the best at poking fun at life. (Have you seen these hilarious mom moments on TikTok?!) Brighten your day with these silly knee slappers. From cute one-liners to puns to jokes for children, these are the perfect quips to make the whole family giggle. Want to make your own mom smile? Cook her a great meal on Mother's Day and serve it up with one of these jokes written in a funny Mother's Day card. Or, if her birthday is around the corner, pair a cute joke card with some great gifts for moms! They even make cute Instagram captions for the sweetest tribute to the woman who's always been there. (If you ask us, these rival the best dad jokes.)
Funny Mom Jokes
How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
What did the accountant say while making breakfast for her kids? This whole parenting thing taxing.
Thanks to you, I pee a little whenever I sneeze! TMI?
Helping the kids with homework: Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
What's a mom joke? Look in the mirror, kiddo.
Never tell a mom you need some personal space. You came out of her personal space!
Mom's recipe for iced coffee: 1. Have kids. 2. Make coffee. 3. Forget you made coffee. 4. Drink it cold.
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
Why pay a therapist when you have me?
Here's one way to teach the kids about irony: scream, "STOP SCREAMING."
When your mom asks if you want some advice, remember it is a rhetorical question.
All we can really do as parents is try our best and set aside enough money for therapy.
There are no rules in this house… besides never ask me for anything before I've had my coffee.
Kids are a challenge. Wine is necessary.
The only thing that rivals birthing children is waking them up the day after break ends!
Do I like spending money on my kid's summer camp? No, but we all need a break!
Some graduate with honors, I am just honored my kids graduated.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way someone is excited to see you!
The most magical power a mother has is the ability to translate toddler nonsense and respond, "Okay, I'll get you that in just one minute."
Never get a dog right before you have kids they say. Did my husband listen?
I'm a strong woman, who's raising a strong girl, which is why I need a strong drink.
Good moms let you lick the beaters after making brownies, great moms turn them off first.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!
What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I'm going on ahead.
Mom, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Mom, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
I have a joke about chemistry, but I don't think it will get a reaction.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
My mom told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
I used to be a vegetarian, but then I had too much beef with the other moms.
When I had my first I was addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
I like telling mom jokes. Sometimes, she laughs!
What's brown and sticky? A stick—gosh, not all mom jokes need to be about cleaning something up!
How do you get a country girl's attention? A tractor.
My husband asked me to stop swooning over Kevin Costner. I said maybe…
Why do moms switch to drinks that are bitter and sweet once they have kids? They've been served a cold glass of reali-tea.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
Why do some couples go to the gym together? Because they want their relationship to work out.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
When does a joke become a mom joke? When it becomes apparent.
I've been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it's better than sitting around doing nothing!
According to my kids, dogs are boys and cats are girls, but moms, only moms are bears.
Honey, stop looking for the perfect match… use a lighter.
What did the drummer call her two daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
Why do moms feel the need to tell such bad jokes? We just want to help you become a groan up.
Our wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers!
It's not easy being a mom. If it were, Dad would do it!
You understand on a deep level why Mama Bear's porridge was too cold.
I'm my kids' favorite person to overthink things with.
I don't care if the glass is half empty or half full, I still need a refill!
Not old, just retro.
Are my kids perfect? No, but we can blame dad for that one!
Your welcome for all the good looks!
My kids: 3 out of 5 stars, could have been a bit quieter.
How old are you again? I've lost track at this point.
I smile because I'm your mother, but I laugh because there's nothing I can do about it!
A mother's sacrifice isn't giving birth. It's going nine whole months without wine!
We have the perfect mother-daughter relationship. You're my daughter, and I'm perfect!
Being a mom is hard. You have to raise kids and a full-grown man!
I heard a man often ends up with a woman like his mom. That explains your taste in fun, pretty, and a little insane.
Of all the evil stepmoms, aren't you glad you got me?
At least it was a me-mom-rable childhood, right?
I always have a take on everything. My husband calls my explanations momsplaining.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale but in reverse. You begin in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after people.
Some days you question your parenting. Other days, you have to question your child's childing.
Mother: (n.) One person who does the work of 20 for free.
It's spicy: universal mom code for 'I don't want to share.'
How many moms does it take to get you to clean your room? One, but it takes 18 years!
Son: "Mom, can I get $20?" Mom: "Does it look like I'm made of money?" Son: "Well, isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
What does the mom diet consist of? All of the foods her kids can't finish.
Cleaning with children in the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
You know you're a mom when sleeping past 8 a.m. feels as magical as riding a unicorn.
Life of a mom: It takes 35 minutes to put shoes on your toddler, but they can open three apps, delete iTunes, and call your boss in 17 seconds.
If I ever go missing, just follow my kids. They can find me wherever I try to hide!
Moms are the only ones who know the true meaning of 24/7.
First child eats dirt, mom calls the doctor. Second child eats dirt, mom cleans out their mouth. Third child eats dirt, mom wonders if she still needs to make lunch.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
Cute Mom Jokes
Mom: Master of multitasking, maker of memories, manager of money, maker of meals, made of magic.
Home is where your mom is.
You're welcome for the fabulous DNA.
You're welcome for the womb and board.
My greatest failure: never being able to teach you how to fold a fitted sheet.
I never expected to miss having you in the house so much!
I love you loads… like the loads of laundry you probably have waiting for me.
I'll say you're my favorite if you give me a massage!
If kids were flowers, I'd pick you!
I'm a woman like no m-other.
I'm truly the mother of invention.
How do I always find your missing phone? I have an amazing mom-ory.
Never make fun of me for how I use my phone, if I taught you how to use a spoon.
Having a strange mom is character-building.
Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.
Why is Mother's Day before Father's Day? So kids can spend their Christmas money on mom.
I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps… I love that one more.
I hate when I'm waiting for mom to cook dinner and then I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.
What do Italian kids say to their moms? "Mama mia, you make the best food!"
What was Cleopatra's favorite day of the year? Mummy's day.
Nothing is really lost until mom can't find it.
At my age I'm no longer a snack; I'm a Happy Meal. I come with toys and kids.
Best Mom Puns
I always did my best to rosé you right.
Aw honey, I'll always be chicken up on you!
Who's da mom?!
I'm knit-really the best mom
I think I had a pretty mom-mental role in your life!
What did the Mama tomato say to the baby tomato?
"Ketchup!"What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's Pop-corn?
Mombie: (n.) A sleep-deprived supermom who feeds on caffeine and feeds on kisses.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long!
What do you call a short mom? A mini-mum.
What sweets do astronaut moms like? Mars bars.
What warm drink helps mom relax? Calm-omile tea.
It was my mother's birthday yesterday. I think it's time to take a mom-ent to celebrate how awesome she is.
How does a mom always knows when kids are sick. She uses a ther-mom-eter.
What's it like living with kids? Well, it's never mum-dane.
Best Mom Jokes for Kids
It's spicy: universal Mom Code for 'I don't want to share.'
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
What color flowers do mama cats like to get? Purrrrrrrple flowers.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her? I really hit the mother lode with you.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day? They shellabrated their mommy.
