Mitch Albom: Detroit hosting the NFL draft? Now we know things have changed

On behalf of the city of Detroit, I would like to welcome our new best friends here for the NFL draft. All 400,000 of you. Spread out. There’s plenty of room. Some of you might be watching Roger Goodell from the river, but hey, a seat’s a seat.

Now, first off, since a great many of you are football junkies, let’s address the elephants in the room: Russ Thomas, Chuck Schmidt, Matt Millen, Martin Mayhew, Bob Quinn …

Enough. We’re getting PTSD.

It’s true. Detroit does not have a glorious history with the draft. We are to the draft what Will Smith is to the Oscars; we’re surprised someone hasn’t slapped us in the face! When your first-round picks include Reggie Rogers, Charles Rogers, David Lewis and Andre Ware, you should be running AWAY from the event, not hosting it.

Ah, but those days are gone. In the blink of an eye, Detroit has become a pro football mecca. The Detroit Lions were a breath away from making the Super Bowl in January, remember? Our current GM, Brad Holmes, is on such a winning streak, Warren Buffet calls him for stock tips. And for the first time in forever, Detroit is scheduled to make its first-round pick after most fans have gone to sleep.

BIG DAY FOR LIONS BEFORE DRAFT: Lions sign Penei Sewell, Amon-Ra St. Brown to deals worth more than $230 million

Which gives us plenty of time to play host to our guests. All 400,000 of you. Just file in calmly. Plenty of room. Yes, Corktown is a great place to see the draft. On a TV set. But a great place.

This isn't the city you've heard about before

Now, many of you are here for the first time. And that’s fine. We know historically, Detroit has not been atop too many “Places To See Before I Die” lists.

But that’s changing. This isn’t your granddaddy’s Detroit. We’re no longer the gum on the bottom of America’s shoe. Our city has undergone a huge renaissance. We have a thriving downtown, an active riverfront, a mayor in his third term who is overwhelmingly liked, and a new reputation for avoiding maladies that are sinking many other metropolises, like overwhelming homelessness or riotous behavior.

The truth is, while once defined as the “Rust Belt," parts of Detroit now gleam. We’re almost shiny. Sometimes, we have to stop and stare at ourselves in the mirror, like Maria in “West Side Story,” and sing out, “Who can that attractive place be?”

OK. That may be pushing it. But the point is, we are proud of Detroit. We like living here. We even like its quirks. So in an effort to make this the most pleasant experience for our visitors this week — all 400,000 of you — let me answer a few questions before you ask them:

So what's with that sign?

Yes, that is Canada on the other side.

Yes, it is south of us.

Yes, there’s a tunnel to get there. Right under that water you’re staring at.

Yes, that really is a sculpture of a fist. Joe Louis’ fist. We think it’s cool.

Yes, we have a lot of places called Coney Island. And no, they are not small amusement parks. They sell hot dogs. Try one.

Yes, we have a lot of pizza here.

No, Sanders hot fudge has nothing to do with Barry.

Yes, that blue and white building really is where all the Motown records were made. And no, you won’t be bumping into Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder or Smokey Robinson this weekend. Unless you’re in L.A.

Yes, it really is called Campus Martius. We don’t know why.

Yes, that huge structure is the Renaissance Center. And no, please don’t go in there. By the time you find your way out, you’ll have missed the whole draft.

Yes, there really is an Eight Mile.

No, Eminem doesn’t live there.

Yes, Dan Campbell does chew nails. (Well, that’s what I heard.)

No, we’re not mad at Matthew Stafford.

Yes, the best dessert on Woodward Avenue is Detroit Water Ice, where they have countless flavors of Italian ices and soft serve ice cream. (OK. I’m biased. But all the profits go to charity.)

Also, our mayor’s name is Dug-gan, not Doogan.

We call it Vernors. You call it ginger ale.

It’s pronounced “Lasher.”

And that “Detroit” sign you passed on the highway? Yeah. We know.

So, once again, welcome. We’re happy you’re here. And we truly hope you have a great time in our beloved city. But remember that a lot of longtime Lions fans will be mixing with you for the next few days. So in the interest of being polite guests, please refrain from using the words “Eric Ebron.”

We’re better at this draft stuff, but we’re still sensitive.

Contact Mitch Albom: malbom@freepress.com. Check out the latest updates with his charities, books and events at MitchAlbom.com. Follow him @mitchalbom.

This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Mitch Albom: Detroit hosting NFL draft? Now we know things have changed