Meghan Markle Says Calling a Woman “Difficult” Is Just a “Code Word” for Bitch
In the latest episode of her Spotify podcast, Archetypes, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, investigates the misogynist implications hiding behind the insults society throws at women.
Specifically looking at how the terms bitch and difficult are often weaponized against women who exercise their own agency, the duchess leads an insightful conversation on how these words can affect a working woman's career. She invites various guests to help her break down the labels, including Mellody Hobson, co-CEO of Ariel Investments and chairwoman of Starbucks; Victoria Jackson, a cosmetics entrepreneur; Robin Thede, comedian and creator of A Black Lady Sketch Show; Allison Yarrow, an award-winning journalist and writer; and Lucy Cooke, a zoologist and documentary filmmaker.
Meghan begins the episode by referring to bitch as "the B-word" or spelling it out, rather than actually saying the insult aloud outright. She explains that she has "zero interest" in using the word herself—so much so that even discussing "the B-word" gives her "hives"—but she still respects other women who have decided to reclaim that word for themselves.
"These women I respect, whose work I love, a lot of them are entirely comfortable with that," Meghan says. "They want to do that, to take the power out of it."
Still, the "very charged word" connotes the idea that women are "difficult." Meghan adds, "Which is really just a euphemism—or is probably not even a euphemism—it's really a code word for the B-word."
While speaking to Cooke, who wrote Bitch: A Revolutionary Guide to Sex, Evolution and the Female Animal, the duchess describes "this larger notion of difficult women who are threatening the human social order."
"Being masculine is being aggressive and dominant, and being feminine is being submissive," Cooke says, before debunking the so-called innate feminine tendency to be submissive. "It really annoys me, these labels, because actually being feminine, you know, amongst the animal kingdom, involves being aggressive and promiscuous and competitive, and dominant, and dynamic and varied and all the things that males are."
Meghan reflects on Cooke's answer in a voice-over. "So perhaps the truth is that labeling a woman as the B-word, or as difficult, is often a deflection, a way to hide some of her really awesome qualities: her persistence, her strength, her perseverance, her strong opinion, maybe even her resilience," she says. "Calling someone the B-word, labeling them as difficult, it's often a way to insult and dismiss someone."
Meghan also recalls a recent conversation she had with a friend, who said something poignant that stuck with her.
"I was talking to a good girlfriend of mine this past weekend, and when I saw her, she said something I had never heard before—She said, 'Well, isn't that a convenient villain.' An assertive woman in a position of power, being called the B-word? How very convenient," the duchess says. "But that's what happens when we label someone, a woman, especially, one of these words. It becomes a way to take their power away. Keep them in their place. A lot of times, it's tied to the very women who have power and agency, as my friend was suggesting, who aren't comfortable being silent, like businesswomen and entrepreneurs."
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