Longtime teacher brought the joy of music and of life to students of all ages in Quincy

QUINCY – Gay Carbonneau was so much more than a music teacher.

She discovered music at age 5 and that helped set her life's course. Her mother was a classical singer; she learned to play the piano so she could accompany her. Deep inside, she wanted to sing herself. And eventually she did.

In her 20s, in the 1950s, she sang with a small band on a local radio station in Boston, then produced her own show "Classical Auditions of the Air." Later she sang as a lyric soprano at area churches and with women's clubs. After she was married and had children, she taught music for 21 years in the Quincy elementary schools.

"I found music is the best thing in the world to share," she said when she turned 90 in 2019. "Music speaks to each person however they need it. It's a bridge."

How music helped her stay young

When Gay died on March 28 at age 95, she left a legacy of living her life with curiosity, creativity and kindness, using music to stay young in spirit and connect with others.

Days before pneumonia took her, after months of cancer treatments, she made it to the Boston Symphony one more time and also joined friends for lunch.

"She still feels very present," her daughter, Danielle, 60, who lives in Washington, D.C., said last Friday. "She was easy to be around, fun, casual. But she also gave a lot of thought to things and didn't take herself too seriously. And she accepted people where they were."

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Gay Tapley grew up in Portland, Maine. She was raised in a pacifist Quaker household with her great-grandmother a part of the family. After she graduated from high school in 1947, she attended Eastman School of Music in Rochester, New York. and in 1948 represented the U.S. Federation of Music Clubs in Europe, part of efforts to preserve classical music for young people after WWII.

A handsome, dapper, adventurous couple

She transferred to the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston, graduating in 1953. It was there that she met her husband, Maurice Carbonneau, They were a handsome couple, dapper, adventurous and came from different backgrounds. He was one of 11 children in a French-Canadian family; his father managed a grocery store. She was an only child; her father was a Supreme Court judge in Maine. He was Catholic, she was Protestant.

They married in 1958 and had three children, David, Danielle and Dianne, moving from Weymouth to Houghs Neck in Quincy in 1960 to be near the ocean she loved. As teachers, they welcomed music students from across the country and Europe into their home, traveled and organized an annual Christmas caroling and party in Houghs Neck.

As an elementary school music teacher, Gay had to travel between five different schools in Quincy, carrying her supplies with her, finding new ways for her students to connect with one another.

"Do you know what your own family background is?" she asked one day during a lesson on folk music and when most of her students answered "Irish," she wanted more. "What else are you?" she pressed. "Go home and ask your parents."

The students came back with a melting pot of answers.

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"She put together a music program that pulled in all the different cultures of the students," her daughter, Danielle Carbonneau, 60, of Washington, D.C., said. "One of the moms even came in and taught a Lebanese folk dance. She made a beautiful program where all the students and their families were represented."

A Houghs Neck home filled with music, guests

Maurice Carbonneau had developed an acclaimed teaching and singing career when he died unexpectedly of a heart attack at age 64 in August 1993. Prior to joining the North Quincy High School faculty, he had performed in fully staged operas and concerts.

Gay told her children that she had seen what happened to other women who lost their husbands.

"This is where people start to lose contact," she said. She resolved she would not.

"I'm going to have to say yes," she said, meaning she would "do the work" in maintaining social contacts. She called people up to do things, she accepted invitations, her daughter Danielle said. "You go and you're glad afterwards that you did," she said. "You show up."

At age 90, she was giving piano lessons in her home on her Steinway; of her seven students, her oldest "beginner" student was 87, her youngest, seven. Her neighbor, Lois Murphy, had always wanted to play the piano; Gay took her to a music store to buy a keyboard and they began lessons.

'She was so alive and sunny and loved music so much'

"Every week, I had that intimate hour with her," Murphy said. "It was special just to be in her presence because she was so alive and sunny and loved music so much. And she was always so encouraging. There was no pressure.

"What a gift to have been so close to a remarkable woman who brought joy to so many with her love of music."

Gay Carbonneau grew up around women who lived very long lives – her mother, to 97; her great-grandmother, to 103. As she went through her own 70s, 80s and early 90s, she stayed active, going to the symphony, movies, theater, garden club, book club.

Sharing music was her fountain of youth, she explained in an interview in 2018.

When she learned at age 94 that she had cancer, she and her family carefully evaluated the effects chemotherapy would have on her and decided to go ahead with it. For about a year, she had treatments every three weeks; they did not make her sick but were tiring; she would recover after a few days.

'At this age, kindness is the thing I try to be'

"She loved to have her hair done and she looked so pretty," Lois Murphy said. "And then a time came when she just couldn't do it anymore and she never complained, she just accepted it with so much grace."

In one of my past interviews with her, Gay said:

"At this age, I find kindness is the thing I try to be. There is too little of it in the world.

"Every day is a surprise. We cannot plan how it comes out, and if you can just accept it for what it is, and try not to get upset about little things. And a sense of humor is my most dependable ally."

I have kept the cards she sent me; I will remember her wisdom and the gentle way she spoke, with humor, acceptance and hope. Thank you, Gay Carbonneau.

Visiting hours are from 2 to 6 p.m. Saturday at Keohane Funeral Home, 785 Hancock St., in Quincy. Her memorial service is at 1 p.m. April 27 at Bethany Congregational Church in Quincy.

Reach Sue Scheible at sscheible@patriotledger.com.

This article originally appeared on The Patriot Ledger: A life well lived: How Gay Carbonneau of Quincy made music her muse