Literally Every Other App Is a Better Dating App Than Actual Dating Apps
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Swiping through dating apps can feel like playing a really shitty round of Candy Crush—suddenly nothing’s matching and you missed your stop on the train because you’ve been in a fugue state for the last hour and a half. They’re like an addictive trap you can’t escape. Why is it that when you redownload them after a breakup, you see the same guys you saw five years ago all over again?! It’s like a bad college reunion. (“Hey, nice to see you’re still into fishing. That’s a really big fish!”)
Sometimes dating apps can even be better for finding an insurrectionist than a boyfriend—women are literally doing the work of the FBI—which just proves it’s time to take matters into our own hands. There are over a million apps on the App Store, and any one of them could be a better dating app than the actual dating apps. Maybe I’m kidding, maybe I’m not! You’ll never know until you try. So clear some storage on your iPhone, get to downloading, and feel free to organize these in your “Shopping” folder because, hello, it’s time to find your soulmate on the worldwide digital marketplace.
(And yes, for legal reasons this is a joke. 😊 ) (Unless you actually end up getting married to someone off these apps. If so, then I’m being totally serious—please invite me to your wedding.)
1. Starting with the most tried and true…LinkedIn.
It’s already your first stop after seeing someone cute on an app, so why not just begin there? You can search by company, education, and location—basically the top factors of compatibility. (Just missing personality and hand size. What can I say? I like big hands.) Show me handsome men in my favorite position: CEO. As a bonus, you can see their endorsements. Public speaking! (Wow, huge bonus, thank god!) Leadership! (I’m wet!) And who cares if they can see that you searched for them? Just make sure your profile is up to date: “Open to work and play.” 😈
2. Zocdoc
…is full of doctors, hello! Need I say more?! It’s a dream to date someone who can tell you what they got wrong on Grey’s Anatomy (turns out, a lot!) and reassure you that you’re not dying, you’re just gassy. And it all starts with making an appointment for a checkup. Two birds, one stone.
3. SRVE, Zen, Gradito
Looking for a private chef? Multiple apps send one directly to your home, and you might just find yourself a snack. Yes, chef! Thank you, chef! I am turning a corner in our relationship, chef!
Download SRVE Download Zen Download Gradito
4. IMDbPro
What about an actor? IMDbPro (which has both a website and an app) gives you access to the direct contact info of anyone who has ever booked a role. (But take it from me, don’t date an actor.)
6. Strava or Peloton
For the athletically minded (could not be me), Strava connects runners, cyclists, and hikers to record their workouts, share photos, and Like each other’s posts. Yes—your sweaty post-run selfie goes straight to the feed of single runners in your area, so make sure you’re wearing a cute matching set! Dating is a marathon, and you might as well date while training for a marathon…or while pretending to train for a marathon. Even the Peloton app can lead to love. Start with a “high-five” to a stranger with impressive stats and work toward becoming ~workout buddies~ IRL. (They wouldn’t have that feature if they didn’t want you to flirt!)
Download Strava Download Peloton
7. Letterboxd
For the people who would rather sit (me!), Letterboxd is the perfect place to bond over your taste in movies—everyone from the Scorsese-heads to the old school Apatow-lovers, mingling in one place. If you both watch The Hunger Games as your go-to comfort film (hey, watching hot teens murder each other before bed is normal!), that might lead to snuggling in for a movie marathon rewatch. And hey—you’ll know exactly what they thought about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie (anything but five stars is gonna be a red flag).
8. Goodreads
And for the readers (you’re bragging), Goodreads, obviously. It’s the literal plot of a romance novel that you and a stranger bond over reading the same books despite being a continent apart. Then you start a book club. Then eventually you kiss…and it gets naughtier than that, but you can fill in the details. You’re a book lover—your whole thing is being horny.
9. Spotify
Music lovers, you have Spotify. Playlists are public, and it doesn’t take much to see who in your circle has your favorite songs on repeat. Plus, it’s anonymous! Wait, you also have Noah Kahan’s “Stick Season” in your “wake up and wind down” playlist? That’s so crazy because I randomly have tickets…
10. Duolingo
Even Duolingo has a feature that lets you compliment your fellow language learners on a streak. You’re both learning Spanish, tienen mucho en común. You might as well put your new skills into practice because we all know that’s the best way to learn, and hitting on someone is so much sexier in another language. “Voy a un restaurante” could easily become “Vamos a un restaurante,” you just need to change the conjugation and ask that scholar out!
11. Roomi or Roomster
On Roomi and/or Roomster, they’re looking for a roommate, you’re looking for a significant other…same difference. It all leads to living together. Users have to verify themselves (no bots!), and you get a sense of their decorating skills. Good taste in lamps? Oh yeah, I’m gonna go ahead and schedule a tour!
Download Roomi Download Roomster
12. Airbnb
Your Airbnb host owns a house…maybe even in an exotic locale. One of the most attractive things in a partner? The potential for dual citizenship. Not your fault you fell in love with your Roman host! And don’t sleep on the experiences. One thing I need to experience is dating someone with a boat. Sunset cruise around the French Riviera with Pierre? Hell oui.
13. Facebook Marketplace
Facebook makes me ill, but the Marketplace is a public service. The fiddle-leaf fig tree you found might have a hot plant zaddy behind it—only takes a few clicks to find out, and babe, you’re about to meet the love of your life up for the pickup. Quickest message-to-first-date ratio of any app.
14. Rideshare apps
Uber and Lyft match you with someone with a car, and who doesn’t aspire to be a passenger princess?! Most rides will be just that...a ride. But every so often, you’re paired with someone hot in the driver’s seat and might need to leave your phone behind for a guaranteed second meetup.
15. Food delivery apps
Seamless or Grubhub can be dating apps if the person delivering your Pad Thai is hot. Especially if the food arrives on time. And if it doesn’t, well, the customer service agents definitely know how to keep a conversation going and meet your needs!
Fine, I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m starving.
Download Seamless Download Grubhub
16. TikTok
This goes without saying, but TikTok works too. We’re all spending hours upon hours scrolling anyway, might as well make it productive. The algorithm is designed to show you videos that meet your interests, so just train it that your interests are single guys with jobs, men in therapy, dudes with motorcycles, sensitive bakers, or queer women who look kind of like Timothée Chalamet—there’s a niche for everyone. It’s not called your “For You” page for nothing!
17. Twitter/X
Look, X is toxic, and I’m not about the overall vibes since Elon decided to send the company over a cliff, just like a self-driving car. But I have more than one friend who met their significant other on Twitter, for real. Two people who can make pithy statements about current events ad nauseam…yeah, that text banter is going to be electric. This is (probably) your last chance to retweet a crush’s post (flirty!!) before the app is gone for good. Go, go, go!
18. And last but not least...Instagram.
Duh. Even without a specifically dating-focused profile, it doesn’t take much to find out if someone you’re interested in is single...just cross-reference on the ’gram. All your potential matches are visible, and there is no paywall. The love of your life could just be a DM away. (And randomly, he might be named Jason Momoa.) My boyfriend slid into my DMs (more than once!). He had to get a “K” in his follower count for me to message back, and that’s standards, honey. No other app gives you as much insight into what that person might be like, and isn’t that the hardest part of the early stages of dating? So I’m empowering you to look at your mutuals’ mutuals, see who else is following your gym, and send that DM.
(I’m not in good faith going to recommend Snapchat for any purpose. Get out of here. No one should be getting updates about your day, all day every day. That’s between you and your demons. And the fact that you can see where your mutuals are hanging out without you on a map? Hellish! Delete!)
Look, am I endorsing light stalking? Yes. Yes, I am. But you could call it stalking, or you could call it “research.” And, babe, when it comes to dating, I take my studies extremely seriously! When people ask you how you met, you don’t need to say, “I masterminded our romance when I saw him on the staff page of a ceramic studio because I specifically wanted to date a hot guy who makes vases.” Instead, you can say, “We met in pottery class!” And that has a much better ring to it than “We met on an app.”
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