Lil Nas X Addresses 'J Christ' Rollout Criticism: 'I Messed Up Really Bad'

Lil Nas X is responding to the criticism aimed at the rollout of his recent music video "J Christ," with a sincerity that shines a new light on the 24-year-old.

On Monday, the musician took to social media to address the backlash he's faced for his Christianity-referencing videos, including a promotional video that showed him eating Communion wafers and drinking wine. While Lil Nas X said he isn't apologizing for the visuals in his music video, he did acknowledge those disturbed by the promo video, noting that he messed up when trying to alleviate tensions before releasing the official music video.

"Hello, everybody," he began in the clip. "I wanted to, not necessarily apologize but I wanted to explain, like, where my head at and where it's been for like the last week."

"So first of all, when I did the artwork, I knew there would be some upset people or whatnot, simply 'cause religion's a very sensitive topic for a lot of people," Lil Nas X continued. "But I also didn't mean to mock. This wasn't like a 'F**k you to you people,' 'F**k you to the Christians.' It was not that, it was literally me saying I'm back like Jesus."

The Georgia-born artist pointed out that he wasn't the first rapper to use religious imagery and dress up like the religious icon, adding that he "won't be the last" to do so.

Still, the GRAMMY winner said that he understood that the past controversies surrounding his "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)," music video would cause people to believe "anything that I do related to religion can be seen as mockery."

"That just was not the case with this," he told his followers. "And I will say though with the Communion video, with me eating the crackers and juice, I thought that video was going to be the video to lighten the mood. To take it down, less serious or whatnot. I thought that was something that we all wanted to do as kids or whatnot, but I didn't understand the idea of... the reality of what it is."

Lil Nas X insisted that he didn't "mean it as like a cannibalism thing or whatever the freak," adding that he does apologize for the promo tactic.

"But I do apologize for that, I will say I am sorry for that. Though I don't agree with all of Christianity's rules or whatnot, I know not everybody follows Christianity by the book one hundred percent or the world would be a lot crazier," he added. "But I do apologize for that. This is not to try to get everyone on my good side or whatnot, this is more so to clear my own head about my own decisions. I know I messed up really bad this time, and I can act unbothered all I want but it's definitely taken a mental toll on me."

Speaking directly to his Christian fans, the "Industry Baby" rapper stated that he wasn't "against" them. "I was put on this Earth to, you know, bring people closer together and promote love. That's who I am, I'm not like some evil, demon guy trying to destroy everybody's values and stuff. That's not me," he said.

He added that "no disrespect" was intended with the "J Christ" music video, having assumed that by not showing a devil figure, there would be an "understanding" that he wasn't trying to "diss Christianity."

"I hope sooner or later we can move forward and I'm excited for the rest of this era and things I have planned," he concluded.

Lil Nas X has been candid about the tumultuous relationship between his sexuality and his Christian upbringing, which he explores in his musical.

In a May 2021 interview with GQ Style, the artist recalled growing up surrounded by religion with his gospel singer father. He explained that living "deep into the internet" challenged his belief in Christianity and as he grew older, he grew determined to live true to himself as a young gay man. He confessed that the way Christianity was presented to him made him feel like it wouldn't allow him the space to do that.

"That was one of the main reasons why I never wanted to be gay," he told the outlet. "I even thought, 'If I have these feelings, it's just a test. A temporary test. It's going to go away. God is just tempting me.'"

"Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" is a prime example of how Lil Nas X has made his music reflect his journey and his mindset. He explained to the outlet that the music video felt like a "reclamation of power," fighting all the things he was afraid to be before.

"It's rebellious on many, many levels for me...That I never want to portray too much feminine energy...That I have to keep it very safe and PG-13. And that even, as a gay artist that I have to be... Respectable," he said, adding that he feared he wouldn't be "allowed to be really sensual or anything... Like I'm gay but I'm not 'gay'... Like, I'm gay but I have to make sure you feel like I can be straight-passing too."

He certainly hasn't held back in that regard since.

When the video was released in March 2021, Lil Nas X admitted that he expected some backlash when sharing a message to his 14-year-old self on social media.

"I wrote a song with our name in it. it's about a guy i met last summer," he wrote at the time. "I know we promised to never come out publicly, I know we promised to never be 'that' type of gay person, I know we promised to die with the secret, but this will open doors for many other queer people to simply exist."

"You see this is very scary for me, people will be angry, they will say I'm pushing an agenda. but the truth is, I am. the agenda to make people stay the f**k out of other people's lives and stop dictating who they should be. sending you love from the future. -lnx," he signed the note.

The coming weeks will see the debut of Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero, the documentary following the rapper over 60 days as he performs on his Long Live Montero tour, which supported Montero, his full-length 2021 debut album. In the diary film, Lil Nas X discusses his career and his place in the pop world as a Black and queer performer.

The documentary was directed by Zac Manuel and the Oscar-nominated Carlos López Estrada, who has also directed music videos for Billie Eilish, Katy Perry and Carly Rae Jepsen.

Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero will premiere on HBO on Jan. 27 at 8 p.m. ET, and will also stream on Max.

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