You've Probably Experienced Limerence Without Even Realizing. Here's What the Potent Emotion Means
/ˈlɪm.ɚ.əns/
Maybe it happened when you got your first glimpse of Regé-Jean Page in Bridgerton. Or after Stephen Nedoroscik (a.k.a. Pommel Horse Guy) dominated at the Olympics. Or because Chappell Roan exists. The intense pull you feel for that person isn’t love—it’s limerence. This means having strong, near obsessive feelings for someone who likely isn’t reciprocating them.
“Limerence is a mental preoccupation with a recipient of desire,” says Colette Fehr, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Florida. “It involves the release of powerful neurochemicals such as dopamine, noradrenaline, and oxytocin—which create pleasure and bonding—and the experience of potent emotions such as euphoria, anxiety, excitement, and longing.” That means you can feel nearly high in the presence of your limerent object...but might also feel like you’ll die without them.
Think back to a junior high crush. Sweaty palms, learning their schedule so you can cross paths with them in the hallway, that feeling of yearning when you know, logically, that your life isn’t She’s All That or A Cinderella Story and they probably don’t know you exist. In real adult life, it could be going on two dates with someone and getting worked up that they might be The One (and subsequently picturing your wedding). Limerence can last for years, so, while it’s commonly applied to people you really don’t know that well, it can exist in long-standing platonic relationships with friendships or coworkers, too.
Social media is ripe for limerence—and the borderline delulu-ness that accompanies it. If you’re losing yourself every night in a rabbit hole of the same influencer’s IG feed—and fantasizing about meeting them—maybe take a step back.
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