PSA: It's OK For Kids to Feel All the Back-to-School Feelings

It's part of our job as parents to sit with our kids in their feelings—even the not-so-happy ones.

Fact checked by Sarah ScottFact checked by Sarah Scott

Preparing to head back to school doesn’t just mean checking supplies off lists or purchasing some new clothes. There’s an emotional component involved.

“This moment made me so sad,” reads a text overlay on a recent video posted by Valerie, a mom of three who posts under the username @valedelcid on TikTok.

In the video, we see Valerie brushing her young son’s hair before his first day of school. He and Valerie are both feeling vulnerable.

“Mom, but I really want to stay at home,” the child says in a shaking voice. He seems on the verge of tears.

“You don’t want to go to school anymore? I thought you wanted to go to school,” Valerie responds.

Warning: You may want tissues for what’s next.

“I do, but I am going to miss you,” he says as TikTok melts (probably).

Valerie responds, “I’m going to miss you, too…but it’s going to be an exciting adventure for you, right?”

Then, there’s a brief silence before Valerie pivots to an encouraging approach.

“I am so excited for you to go to school and learn some stuff, and then you’re going to come back and tell me all about your day,” Valerie says.

While Valerie gravitated between empathy and hope, she admitted in the caption, “This was so hard to navigate because I really just wanted to cry!”

She’s not alone.

Emotion and Support Filled the Comments

Valerie’s video has 3.6 million likes and over 22 million plays to date. While Valerie kept the tears in check, other TikTokers cried before the 45-second clip ended.

“The way I cry over strangers is wild,” one person writes.

“I’m crying with you,” says someone else.

There’s not a dry eye watching this. All the mama’s crying,” another comments.

“Mama, I feel you,” writes someone else. “I dropped off my 3-year-old today by myself. It was tough. Yesterday was his first day of preschool, and it was harder. I literally can't concentrate at work.”

Other commenters wanted to check in on Valerie’s son, with one saying, “Please tell us he had the best day because I can’t—my heart can’t." (It appears the little guy did have a good day.)

Valerie does also get some props for approaching a situation that's difficult for her, too.

“This was so pure. You’re such a good mom,” a person says.

“Moms do not get enough credit for how strong they have to be. This is a perfect example,” writes another.

“You [are] acknowledging his emotions, still giving him love, LISTENING to him is already giving him more than he needs,” someone else replies. “You’re doing great, mama. Ya’ll’s bond is so cute to see.”

Let’s double-tap this last comment.

It’s OK To Sit With Negative Emotions Sometimes

I have two children, one is starting their first year in school, and the other attending Pre-K 4 at a new school, which means a longer day and a step up from the play-focused nursery school format from the previous two years.

While prepping for homework, lunch requirements, daily must-brings, and other essentials, it all feels so…official and scary to me–so I can imagine what he must feel.

I expect to hear my son have similar comments to Valerie's son about going back to school. Though some do experience end-of-school blues, many kids don't want to say goodbye to summer. And it's hard to watch your child head into the unknown without a smile on their face, especially if they struggle with the new experience.

It's natural to want to swoop in and tell them to not be afraid–that it’ll all be OK and ensure they will have fun anyway, like Valerie does. But sometimes there's a power in inviting the emotion in and sitting with it for a minute.

Remembering my own butterflies leading up to my first days of school, my instincts might say to give my kids tips for overcoming worry or sadness. But I realize they won't walk through life feeling happy and confident all the time–and that's ok.

I felt there was so much pressure on my generation—especially on women—to constantly feel happy and confident that we could (and should) handle everything. As a result, I personally struggle to manage emotions that are anything other than positive, and am consistently chasing the next thing that will make me feel better—a trip, an essential oil, a massage, or a job.

The attempts to protect myself from hard feelings, while well-meaning, got in the way of my emotional development, and it’s something I’ve had to work hard to reverse throughout the years.

Validation Over Protection Can Be Better for Growth

I learned one of the most impactful things someone can say to me when I’m struggling isn't, "Relax. You'll be fine," but rather, “You have a right to feel that way.” And despite our best efforts to protect and preserve their happiness at all times, kids deserve to have their emotions heard and felt, too.

Make no mistake—I am not a perfect parent or a psychologist. I’m just trying to take a know-better, do-better approach to living and parenting.

I think the only way to learn how to manage uncomfortable feelings is to experience them, sit with them, and understand that it’s normal not to always feel good.

So, when my son expresses all his feelings about returning to school, I won’t try to filter them immediately. I'll sit with him in those feelings and then help him put one foot in front of the other, even if neither of us have 100% certainty about where we’re headed.

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