What You Should Know Before Sexting and Sending Nudes
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Chances are you’ve heard of the term “sexting” or the phrase “sending nudes.” You might have read about them, heard the phrase in a movie or TV show, or talked about them with your friends or your significant other. For those who don’t know, a “nude” is a naked photo, one that is sent to a person over the phone, usually for sexual intentions. A “sext” is a message, sent either via text, direct message, or audio, that is sexually explicit. “It can include descriptions and discussion of sex, nude or semi-nude photos, flirting, and expressing your sexual desires,” Hannah Meropol, Attorney at C.A. Goldberg, PLLC, explains.
“People sext for lots of different reasons. Some people use sexting to explore their sexuality, to connect with others, or because they find it exciting. Other people may experience pressure to send sexual messages from romantic partners or friends,” Meropol adds. “If someone is demanding or otherwise pressuring you to sext them — for example, by threatening to reveal your secrets or disseminate your sexual photos — that’s not ok.”
Sexts and nudes are much riskier and much more dangerous than you might think, and sending and receiving explicit content can get you in a lot of trouble. Depending on the state you’re in and your age, you could even be breaking a law when you send or receive a nude. These legislations exist to protect minors from sexual predators, but sometimes, they can affect two people sexting consensually.
So, before you press send on that pic, here’s everything you need to know about sexting and sending nudes.
Is it illegal to sext?
It depends on the state. “In some cases, it can be illegal to send a sexually explicit image, for example, if the person depicted is under 18 years old or did not consent to it being shared,” Meropol explains.
In New York, for example, it is illegal to distribute child pornography, and the age of a minor is 17 or younger in the state. So, if you receive a nude or sext of someone 17 or younger and show it to someone else, that's considered distributing child porn and is illegal. Minors sending sexts between each other is illegal, too. If the the two people involved are under the age of 20 and are within five years if age of each other, they may have to participate in an educational program that “that provides information regarding the legal consequences and non-legal consequences of sexting, and the problems associated with technology and bullying,” according to the Cyberbullying Research Center.
In Illinois, the exchange of sexually explicit messages is prohibited, according to the Illinois State Bar Association. If a minor, classified as under 18 in the state, sexts, or someone receives a sext from a minor, they may have committed a felony under the Illinois Child Pornography Act. Virginia passed a law in April 2022 that bars any adult (18 or older) from sending an unsolicited “intimate image” via digital communication (text, email, direct messages, etc.) to another adult, according to USA Today. Meanwhile, the state prosecutes sexting as a minor (anyone under 18) as a child pornography offense, whether you send or receive the message.
Federally, it is “illegal to produce, distribute, receive, or possess with intent to distribute any obscene visual depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct.” That means, if you are under 18 and you are sending or receiving a sexual picture, you are violating the Prosecutorial Remedies and Other Tools to end the Exploitation of Children Today (PROTECT) Act of 2003. Alternatively, if you are a minor and you send a nude to someone who is not a minor, that person could be charged with child pornography, and therefore be marked as a sex offender.
These laws are meant to protect you, so know your state laws before you press send.
Is it still considered sexting if it was sent over social media, in private or direct messages?
In most cases, yes. “Sexting can take place via text, instant message, Direct Message on a social media platform, and email.” Meropol confirms. “Sexting can take place through any digital communication platform.” This means it’s still considered sexting if the sexually explicit message, photo, or video was sent via Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, or some other platform.
What are the risks of sexting?
In addition to it being potentially illegal, a sext could be forwarded or shown to someone other than the intended recipient. Alternatively, the recipient’s phone could get hacked, or someone else could find the message on their phone and share it with others. Once the text, picture, or video is sent and out of your hands, it’s out of your control.
“If someone shares your intimate photos without your consent, this is not your fault,” Meropol explains. “It is only the person who breached your trust and disrespected your privacy who should feel shame. But sadly, the risk of public disclosure is one that you should be aware of, because it can cause severe and lasting harm to you, including feelings of regret, anxiety, and other emotional distress.”
“If you receive a sext, you must take seriously your responsibility to respect the sender’s privacy,” she adds. “If you share a sext someone sent you, you are likely inflicting serious and permanent harm on that person while also putting yourself at legal risk.”
What happens if you send nudes and someone forwards or posts them elsewhere?
It’s terrifying, confusing, and hurtful to learn that an intimate, private photo intended for a partner was distributed without your consent. If this happens, first, “take a deep breath and try to stay calm,” Meropol says. “Stop any harsh self-talk.” Next, talk to a trusted friend or adult and explain the situation. “You have many tools to contain the spread of your intimate content,” she assures.
Although it’s upsetting, try to document evidence of the distribution of the nonconsensual photo or video, Women’s Justice NOW, a women-led nonprofit based in New York City, advises. If the intimate content was posted on social media, report it. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok all prohibit nudity and sexually explicit content, and have a feature that lets you report an account or post. Meropol points to C.A. Goldberg’s website, which provides a list of social media sites (including dating apps) and their specific policies on image-based abuse and the process of self-reporting. You may have to fill out additional information once you report the account or post, but this is one crucial step you can take to get nonconsensual images or videos removed.
Also, if possible, consult a professional or law firm “with expertise representing survivors of image-based sexual abuse,” Meropol says. “We may be able to help you remove your content from the Internet, advise you about applicable criminal laws, get your offender to stop their misconduct, or represent you to pursue civil claims or an order of protection.” “Revenge porn” and non-consensual photo sharing is a criminal offense in almost all states and there is legal action you can take against your offender.
What is “revenge porn” and how does it relate to sexting?
Revenge porn is a term you may have heard in the context of sexting. A criminal offense in nearly all states, revenge porn refers to the distribution of intimate, sexually explicit photos or videos of an individual without their consent. Meropol notes that this form of digital abuse is usually done by an ex-partner for retaliation or blackmail purposes.
“However, image-based sexual abuse is not limited to these particular circumstances and can take many forms,” she continues. “For example, it can involve the spread of intimate photos by strangers who accessed them by hacking a person’s devices, social media, or cloud-based storage accounts. Image-based sexual abuse can also involve catfishing victims for intimate photos and then demanding payment or even more intimate photos under threat of sharing them.”
“All forms of image-based sexual abuse can have huge repercussions for a victim’s relationships, career, and mental health,” she adds.
Is there a way to safely sext?
Despite the very real risks and potential legal implications, some people will send sexts anyways, and if you plan to, there are some things you need to keep in mind to protect your privacy. “If you are sexting, there are things you can do to decrease risks like not showing your face, name, voice, or other identifiable things like tattoos or personal backgrounds,” Meropol says.
To ensure your privacy and remove (or at least lessen) the possibility of someone sharing your intimate message or nude, don’t text them. Yes, you can delete the sext, but the receiver may not. Snapchat might seem like a good option because the photos disappear, but the option to screenshot creates a problem.
Instead, download apps like Signal or WhatsApp, which are good for protecting the photos against hackers. WhatsApp blocks users from taking screenshots of “View Once” messages, however, Signal currently does not offer a defense against screenshots. DiscKreet is a messaging app that locks your sexts in a password-protected system. In order to view the photo, both the recipient and the sender have to enter a passcode at the same time. If the recipient wants to check out the pic at a later date, they have to send a new request to the original sender.
If you don’t want to send a nude, don’t. There should never be any pressure involved, and Meropol notes that it may be illegal. “If you feel like you are pushing, persuading, begging, coercing, or demanding someone to send something intimate: stop,” she says.
Finally, ask permission before you send a sext, and if you choose to do so, only send intimate messages to people you completely trust. “Don’t assume it’s okay to send someone sexual content, even if they are your significant other,” Meropol advises. “It is not okay to randomly expose yourself to someone IRL, right? So don’t do it digitally either.”
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