Is It Just Me Or Is Every Food Brand Super Thirsty?
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In the year of our lord 2024, the next NSFW photo you see could very likely be at the grocery store. As the old adage goes, sex sells, and that's clearly what food brands have been doing with their branding. But now more than ever, we're seeing marketing with golden olive oil dripping on bare skin, suggestively be-cheeked ice cream containers, and spice kits to get you in the mood for "forking." Every brand at the supermarket just seems so incredibly horny right now.
The connection between sex and food has long been clear, although often restricted to edible underwear sold at very specific stores. But what's most alarming about these new grocery products is that they aren't "adult" items that you need to be 18 or over to purchase. You can simply grab them at Erewhon, any old Kroger, or when you're doing your weekly HelloFresh order. You can scroll Instagram and see no less than four sets of nipples trying to sell you olive oil. Your child in the grocery cart could soon very well be eye-level with puckered up, plump dumpling or a peachy-looking butt cheek.
"Slippery and smooth for all your needs," reads the website for the new sensual massage oil made by avocado oil brand Chosen Foods. With copy edging towards profane, the 100% "pure" avocado oil also promises "100% pure pleasure." That's not all. A dumpling brand called Thirsty Dumplings claim their plump dumplings are "So good you'll catch fillings." The thirst traps are becoming true to their name.
Dr. Tom Reichert of the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa calls this advertising approach simply the “Buy this, get this” formula. By that he means, “If you buy our product: (1) You’ll be more sexually attractive, (2) have more or better sex, or (3) just feel sexier for your own sake.”
You can, as the kids say, become a "snack" by buying a sexified snack. What's crucially (and refreshingly) noticeable about most of these products is how it's not just women being used as sex objects in order to sell, say burgers or soda. There's a strange equality present in Single & Fat's olive oil ad, and the golden drip of Velveeta's "Drip" lip cuff.
There's no denying that the way to anyone's heart is often through the stomach, but now the phrase is hitting commodity levels. According to a study done by Tinder and HelloFresh, "70% of survey respondents saying that cooking something for or with their partner is more intimate than fooling around." In fact, the research also states that when a partner is a good cook, respondents are willing to overlook certain flaws including snoring (33%), being messy (22%) and stubbornness (21%). Coining maybe the catchiest phrase I've ever read, Tinder and HelloFresh recently decided to market to the swiping masses by creating a line of "Forking Seasonings" meant to spice up dinners and love lives (complete with a quiz to help you determine the spice level of your relationship).
But why now? Well, what I call the "Yes, Chef" effect is clearly at play here. Hearing Jeremy Allen White demand a double-entendre-laced "Yes, Chef" on The Bear cemented in our society that having a mastery around the kitchen is the clearest way to cosplay you're a so-called "Sexually Competent Dirtbag Line Cook" on the streets and in the sheets.
No one wants to be vanilla in the bedroom or kitchen. So playing upon this desire for food-addled sex appeal is what these products are trying to sell. That's clearly the case for Sweet Cheeks "Threesome Vanilla" flavor. The flavor, per their website, sounds like steamy erotica you want to read from the comfort of your (shielded) phone screen only. "Indulge in a tantalizing blend of three different vanillas," it reads. "We’ve infused the rich sultriness of Madagascan, the aromatic allure of Tahitian, and the spicy kick of Mexican vanilla. With a peck of sea salt, seduce your taste buds in the most delightful way."
Yes, it might not be long until being and buying "vanilla" isn't so plain after all.
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