The Jonas Brothers Are Causing Some Waffle House Drama
As a native Floridian, it's basically my civic duty to investigate a pressing recent development: Have the Jonas Brothers really eaten at a Waffle House?
You see, the question has been plaguing me since this past weekend, when I watched the Jo-Bros perform their new single, "Waffle House," on Saturday Night Live. At first, I was all, "This song has no business being a certified bop," which then swiftly turned into, "Wait, do the Brothers Jonas really think that we, the people, believe they've actually dined inside a Waffle House?"
I took an informal poll (i.e., texted all my other Southern friends), and they were all in agreement: "I'd expect a song about Waffle House to be a lot darker." I even texted a former coworker (whose own sister sings background for the Brothers) and, after laughing, her sister sent along some compelling Twitter evidence.
Hard-hitting journalist that I am, I think it's time we took a deep dive through the "Waffle House" lyrics to settle the debate:
I'm not familiar with stress being figured out at a Waffle House. Stress is often sourced from a Waffle House.
Okay, yes. Fire is very accurate. And breaking things.
Okay, now this is compelling. While the Waffle House can often be a bizarre after-hours playground, it can also be a supremely heartwarming place to rub elbows with all kinds of folks. Their hash browns and coffee have never failed to make me feel deep, profound love (which could just be the carbs and caffeine kicking in).
According to the Jonas Brothers, "'Waffle House' was born from a simple but powerful idea: When you sit down with the people that matter most, anything is possible. This song isn't about a restaurant, it's about coming together with the people you love and making your dreams come true."
But if you name a song after a restaurant that's loaded with equal amounts of love and controversy like the Waffle House, and then say the location doesn't matter, they could have just as well named their song "Bennigan's," "Macaroni Grill," or "Cracker Barrel." That takes a stalwart Southern chain full of multitudes (which SNL aptly covered in a recent sketch) and reduces it to a post-show, Denny's-esque theater kid haunt.
Let it be said, I want to believe the Jonas Brothers. My Spotify Wrapped is basically guaranteeing me a spot as a top .001% listener (with confirmed Jonaticism) just from this song alone. While the lyrics do contain plenty of compelling details (namely all the mentions of fire), I'm still confused as to how the Jonas Brothers ever thought New York City would have a Waffle House if they are, in fact, Waffle House super fans.
At the end of the day, I do believe that these New Jersey brothers needed a place to hang after shows, but were underage so bars were out of the question. But I'm going to need to see the literal Waffle House receipts (or just know how they order their scattered hash browns).
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