The Impact of Parental Alienation on Children and Families
What happens when one parent attempts to create a rift?
Medically reviewed by Yolanda Renteria, LPC
Parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a term you might not be familiar with but may have experienced. It sometimes occurs in families going through challenging times like a divorce or separation.
The phrase was first used by Dr. Richard A. Gardner in 1985. He was trying to describe what happens when a child or children in a family strongly favor one parent over the other, especially when the parents aren't getting along.
This syndrome isn't just about the kids loving one parent a little more; it's about the kids starting to push away, or even reject, one parent for no good reason.
Takeaway
At first, people thought this only happened in families that were breaking up, but it can occur in any family, even when the parents are still together. Sometimes, the parent the child favors helps turn the child against the other parent, even if they don't mean to.
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It's Not Always Unintentional
Licensed psychotherapist and chief clinical officer at D'amore Mental Health, Gary Tucker, explains further that in parental alienation, one parent attempts to induce their child to reject the other parent.
This can be done through various means, such as telling the child that the other parent hates them or has physically abused them. It can also manifest itself through blame-shifting and punishing children for wanting to pursue relationships with their estranged parents.
Some experts don't agree with using the word "syndrome" to describe this phenomenon, and doctors and therapists have argued over its use for decades. But no matter what you call it, parental alienation syndrome is a real problem that affects many families and could cause irreparable damage.
The Controversy Surrounding Parental Alienation Syndrome
While parental alienation syndrome has been studied and discussed for decades, it's still a source of debate among experts on the subject matter. One of the main points of conflict is whether it should be classified as a "syndrome" or not.
In medical terms, a syndrome is a collection of symptoms that consistently occur together. Critics argue that parental alienation syndrome doesn't meet this criteria because it can manifest differently in each family and child.
Another area of dispute is the potential for misapplying the concept during legal battles. Critics worry that the term could be used to discredit one parent unjustly and influence court decisions in favor of the other. This has led to some skepticism and caution about accepting parental alienation syndrome as a valid legal argument.
Takeaway
Some psychology and family therapy professionals also argue that the term might oversimplify complex family dynamics. They suggest that it can place undue blame on one parent without accounting for other factors like the child's temperament or the roles and behaviors of all family members involved.
Despite these controversies, there's widespread agreement that the phenomenon—whatever it may be called—exists and can significantly impact families and children.
What Are the Signs of Parental Alienation?
The signs of parental alienation can vary from family to family and may be subtle or overt. Here are some common signs that could indicate parental alienation is occurring:
Negative talk: The child consistently talks negatively about the alienated parent, often repeating phrases or criticisms they've heard from the favored parent.
Lack of guilt: The child shows no remorse or concern about their poor behavior towards the alienated parent.
Unfounded accusations: The child makes exaggerated or unfounded complaints against the alienated parent.
Idealization of favored parent: The child perceives the favored parent as perfect and can see no fault in them, often in stark contrast to their view of the alienated parent.
Withdrawal and distance: The child becomes emotionally distant, unresponsive, or even hostile toward the alienated parent.
Resistance to visits: The child strongly resists spending any time with the alienated parent, often making excuses to avoid visits.
Rejection of extended family: The child extends their negative feelings and behaviors toward family members associated with the alienated parent, like grandparents, uncles, and aunts.
Selective memory: The child may claim not to remember any positive experiences or emotions associated with the alienated parent, focusing only on the negative aspects.
Fear or anxiety: In some cases, the child might show signs of fear or anxiety when interacting with the alienated parent, even if there is no history of abuse or mistreatment.
Support for the alienating parent: The child strongly sides with the favored parent in disputes, showing little interest in hearing the alienated parent's perspective.
Understanding these signs is crucial for anyone dealing with a family situation where parental alienation may be happening. It allows for early intervention, which is vital for mitigating the long-term effects on the child and family.
Is parental alienation a form of narcissism?
Parental alienation and narcissism are different but can overlap. Parental alienation involves a parent turning a child against the other parent, while narcissism is a personality trait marked by self-centeredness and a lack of empathy.
A narcissistic parent may be more prone to engage in parental alienation to maintain control or seek validation. However, not all instances of parental alienation are rooted in narcissism.
What Are the 5 Stages of Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation typically unfolds in stages over time. While every family's experience is unique, here are five phases that show the typical progression of parental alienation.
Refusing to contact the alienated parent
At this stage, the child is confused about the conflict between their parents. They may hear negative comments from the favored parent about the other, leading them to question their feelings and memories. They may also avoid the alienated parent or refuse to contact them.
Prior existence of a positive relationship with the parent
The child begins to internalize the criticisms and negative portrayals of the alienated parent. They start to doubt their own experiences and may question whether the alienated parent is as good or loving as they initially thought, even though they had a positive relationship with the parent before the alienation.
No evidence of abuse by the alienated parent
In this stage, the child starts to align more closely with the favored parent. They may begin adopting the favored parent's views and justifications for the alienation, such as abuse or neglect. However, there's typically no evidence of abuse or neglect by the alienated parent before the conflict begun.
Alienating behaviors by the preferred parent
By this point, the child has little to no emotional connection with the alienated parent. They may refuse all contact and even become hostile. The child's views are now firmly aligned with those of the favored parent, who employs alienating strategies to further sever ties between the child and the alienated parent.
The child exhibits symptoms of parental alienation.
In this final stage, the child has no emotional or psychological bond left with the alienated parent. They may reject any form of contact or communication, possibly extending this rejection to other family members associated with the alienated parent.
The Impact on Children and Families
The effects of parental alienation extend beyond the immediate tension between a child and the alienated parent. It has a ripple effect, which influences the emotional and psychological well-being of all family members involved.
For children:
Emotional instability: Children affected by parental alienation often exhibit emotional issues like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Impaired relationships: Learning to alienate a loved one can harm the child's ability to form healthy relationships, not only with the alienated parent but also in their future relationships.
Academic decline: The emotional turmoil often triggers poor academic performance, as the child finds it difficult to concentrate on their studies.
Long-term psychological effects: The trauma of alienation can lead to long-lasting psychological problems, requiring therapy and sometimes medication.
The psychological effect of parental alienation on a child can be profound. They may feel confused, sad, and lonely due to losing a relationship with one parent they still love. Tucker says this grief may be compounded by insufficient evidence to counter the lies told by the other parent and an underlying uncertainty about when or if the estrangement will end.
For families:
Broken Bonds: Families suffering from parental alienation often experience broken bonds that extend to grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Family gatherings and holidays may become sources of stress rather than joy.
Legal challenges: The favored parent might use the child's alienation as a strategy during custody battles, further complicating the legal aspect of separation or divorce.
Financial strain: The legal proceedings, coupled with therapy and counseling for the child, can result in significant financial stress for the family.
Parental distress: The alienated parent experiences severe emotional and psychological stress, often feeling helpless and frustrated due to losing a relationship with their child.
All of these effects can have a significant impact on the family dynamic. It can strain relationships between siblings, as they are forced to take sides in can emotionally charged situation.
Some families may also become divided by the process, with one side supporting the alienating parent and the other trying to protect their child from further harm. Depending on how people handle the situation, it can lead to lifelong pain between family members, adds Tucker.
Legal Perspectives on Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental alienation is a key issue in child custody and divorce cases. Although it is not universally recognized as a formal legal term, its impact is becoming more recognized and often debated in courtrooms.
In custody battles, parental alienation may be introduced as evidence by the alienated parent to show the other parent's negative influence on the child. However, courts often have to be careful when deliberating on cases of parental alienation, as there's always a risk of false claims.
A parent could, in theory, use parental alienation as a tactical move to gain custody. Expert testimony often plays a role in such cases. Family therapists, psychologists, and other professionals may be called upon to offer their insights into the family dynamics. Their input helps the court make a well-informed decision about custody and visitation rights.
Takeaway
The legal system's primary focus is always on the child's best interests. If parental alienation is proven, the court will typically take steps to protect the child. This may involve altering custody arrangements or mandating family therapy.
Additionally, there could be legal consequences for the parent found to be instigating the alienation. These consequences can range from losing custody to facing restrictions on visitation rights.
It's also crucial to acknowledge that laws and court stances on parental alienation can vary significantly from one jurisdiction to another. What may be a compelling case of parental alienation in one state may not necessarily be the case in another state.
Psychological Perspectives on Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental Alienation Syndrome is not currently recognized in established medical classifications like the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) or the International Classification of Diseases (ICD).
While PAS as a diagnostic term is not recognized in major psychiatric manuals like the DSM-5, parental alienation is acknowledged, says Nationally Certified School Psychologist Alex Anderson-Kahl.
Takeaway
Current perspectives often emphasize the importance of distinguishing between genuine cases of parental alienation and situations where children reject a parent for valid reasons like abuse. It's also viewed as less of a 'syndrome' and more of a relational and systemic issue.
Symptoms like anxiety, depression, and attachment issues are common with parental alienation and could extend into long-term mental health problems.
Various treatment methods are being tested, from family therapy to individual counseling for the affected child. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and family systems therapy are two of the most popular forms of treatment used to help with parental alienation syndrome.
Interventions and Support Resources for Parental Alienation Syndrome
While no single solution works for all situations, various interventions and support resources are available to help with parental alienation.
Family therapy
A comprehensive family therapy program can help break down the barriers of alienation. A trained therapist can guide the family toward healthier communication and resolutions by providing a neutral space where family members can discuss their issues.
Individual counseling
Individual counseling can be a haven for a child impacted by alienation to express their emotions and develop coping strategies with their therapist. It's also important for parents who feel disconnected from their children to seek therapy.
Therapy can provide a safe space for emotional support and practical guidance on rebuilding the parent-child relationship.
Parenting programs
Specialized courses to improve communication and conflict resolution between parents can be helpful, especially when parents are separated or divorced.
Legal mediation
In some cases, resolving the complexities of custody and visitation rights can be simplified through legal mediation, where a neutral third-party mediator can guide parents toward mutually beneficial arrangements.
Online support groups
There are online communities like The Parental Alienation Awareness Organization (PAAO) where people can share their experiences, challenges, and advice. These communities provide emotional support and can be a valuable resource to find coping strategies.
Expert consultation
If you suspect you're dealing with parental alienation, seeking advice from professionals specializing in family conflict might be helpful.
Parental alienation is an issue that affects not just the immediate family but also the society at large. Early intervention is crucial for effectively managing the syndrome, although it is still controversial in psychological and legal circles.
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
