Hayley Kiyoko Hopes You Enjoy ‘Panorama’ For Both the Journey and the Destination

Stephen Daw

Hayley Kiyoko was riding high in 2018. Having released her debut album Expectations to critical acclaim, and garnering her now-famous moniker as the music industry’s “Lesbian Jesus,” the rising singer trained her eyes up toward superstardom.

Then, as she tells it, she lost herself. Ongoing struggles with her bodily health, depressive episodes, a more generalized loss of confidence and the isolation of the pandemic put Kiyoko in a place where she was profoundly uncomfortable. “I knew who I was, but that person is now gone,” she remembers thinking. “So, it became a question of, ‘How do I find myself when I’m lost? It’s right there, I can see it, I just can’t connect to it.'”

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The answer came, as it has so many other times in her career, through music. Now, years later, she’s ready to share that journey with her fans — Panorama, Kiyoko’s long-awaited sophomore album, is a lush, detailed exploration of navigating the highs and lows of life. But instead of focusing on each individual point in that emotional rollercoaster, Kiyoko instead focuses her lyrical lens on the transitions in between. “When you’re in those lows, you’re waiting to get to a high to enjoy life and take in the view,” she tells Billboard. “I wanted this album to be a reminder to stay present.”

Kiyoko talked with Billboard days prior to the album’s release about waiting four years to put out a follow-up to Expectations, getting to become a reality TV producer for her “For the Girls” music video, and why she’s not concerned with her album dropping on the same day as Beyoncé.

I know you’ve been working on Panorama for a long time now, how are you feeling with it finally coming out on Friday?

I feel like I’m finally getting more excited! It’s been very stressful trying to get everything together in time, and getting ready to head out on tour [with Lauv], so it’s been a lot lately. But I am starting to get really excited, because I genuinely can’t wait to see what the fans think of the music. They’re definitely gonna lose it.

Has there been any stress happening with the album coming out the same day as Beyoncé’s new album?

As a normal human being, for sure, I had that initial panic. But then I was like, “Wait a second … this is awesome. It’s Beyoncé and Hayley Day. We get to roll in as one!” There’s room for everyone here, I’m just happy to have a seat at the table. Also, I feel like we’re serving very different vibes, so we’re giving everyone everything on July 29th. Maybe Beyoncé isn’t aware that I am a part of that conversation, but I am very aware that we are doing it together. [Laughs.]

It’s been four years since you released your debut album Expectations — what made you want to wait on your sophomore release?

I definitely wanted to jump into the album immediately after Expectations, but I had a really hard time in 2018 and 2019 touring and writing. Some people can do that and are really good at it — I have to be 100% focused on the music to make it happen. I finally started working on the album in early 2020, finished it up in 2021, and I have been sitting on it since. I can’t believe it’s only been four years, it feels like a lifetime ago! From Expectations to now, I feel like we’ve all grown so much, so it’s gonna be really great to share this with my OG fans, as well as some new fans. 

I don’t know, it just feels like a new world we’re all in right now, and music hits differently as we’re continuing to navigate this very challenging life that keeps getting presented to us. They don’t make it easy! That’s why we need new music to get through it! That’s why I named the album Panorama, actually — it’s about getting through the highs and the lows, and loving yourself along the way. Even when you’re going through a hard time, you’ve already been through so much to get to where you’re at, so it’s about being kinder to ourselves. 

You worked with Nate “Danja” Hills a lot on this album. How did that collaboration come about? What did he bring to the table for Panorama?

Yeah, I was really honored to have Danja believe in me as an artist. I had pretty much finished the record when I presented it to him, and was like, “Hey, this is where it’s at, this is where I want it to be.” He saw the vision — I mean, he is so beyond talented, and he really created space for my voice to shine through. Growing up, I loved indie and alt bands, so I just love noise and walls of sound, and it felt cool that this album has a really good balance of that kind of production I love to do, but also creates space for a more refined version of my voice. 

That’s interesting that he came in with the album almost already finished. Did that approach feel really different for your process?

Definitely, yeah — I had already written all of these songs, and then he brought me in to re-produce some part, and then I re-recorded things, I re-wrote things, and really sat with the work for a long time to make sure that it was being heard the way I felt it. For the first album, I kind of just wrote it and released it. I got to live with this one; even after we finished it, I’ve had it for at least a year, I’ve been listening to it on my own. So, getting to share it with the fans is gonna be crazy.

I really think they’re gonna lose it when they hear this.

[Laughs.] The title of this article should just be “The Gays Are Gonna Lose It.” Or like, “Everyone Is Being Fed.” “There Will Be A Feast At Dawn!”

It’s true, they’re going to eat it up! Especially after listening through the album a few times, there is a lot of talk on the album about freeing your mind and becoming more in-tuned with your body — what precipitated those lyrics in your life?

Oh, I went through some extreme lows the past couple of years. I went through a lot of health issues, some really tough times getting my body to show up for itself. I had to look internally, and at a certain point, I did lose a lot of confidence. Obviously, with that, I was battling a lot of depression and self-blame over why I couldn’t show up for myself. We blame ourselves when we’re dealing with mental health issues, or why we can’t be better.

It’s harmful to be blaming — like I sing on “Found My Friends,” it’s about realizing that my best friend is myself, because I’m the person that survived all of these things. I’ve been able to hold my own hand through all of that, so I need to celebrate my friendship with myself. 

You’re well known for directing all of your music videos, and that “For the Girls” looks like one of the more ambitious projects you’ve made — what stands out in your memory from that shoot?

This was one of my favorite shoots I’ve ever done. Directing it was so different, because with other music videos, you’re mapping things out shot-by-shot and shooting it until you get what you need. With this music video, it literally was shot like a reality show — I told the girls, “These are the beats we need, but let’s see what happens,” and we would just have the cameras rolling. Also, to be surrounded by my community was so wonderful to have all of these people ready to have some fun. It just felt great to have fun together again. It was an absolute blast on set, we wanted to turn it into an 18 episode series. I mean, Mary wearing the veil and jumping into the pool was incredible — it was just the best time. 

Were there any nerves about your girlfriend Becca making her surprise appearance at the end of the video?

Oh, no, we were so excited. It happened so naturally, she was ready to share about us, and so I was stoked to share it with her! Music video shoots are so quick, though — I think she was on set for maybe 10 minutes, and I was like, “You have two takes, look at me with those eyes and then get outta here.” It was so fun to have her on set, and to see her fans show all of that love and support that she so deserves! I mean, I tend to be a pretty private person, so it was a 10 out of 10 experience. 

Another thing I noticed listening through this album, as with your last album, is your constant exploration of queer joy — it’s refreshing, considering that a lot of queer art tends to focus on pain and suffering a lot more. Why is that important for you to focus on with the majority of your work? 

Because hope is very vital for me! I was starving for it when I was growing up, and I want to create worlds like Panorama where you can feel safe to escape and be loved. Reality doesn’t make it easy for the LGBTQ community, so yeah, there is trauma, and there are hardships. But there’s also so much joy, there’s gold at the end of the rainbow. I’ll always need that kind of hope, so I hope that continues to strike a chord with my fans. 

Do you have a favorite song on the album?

How dare you? [Laughs.] I have a few favorites — “Underground” is my immediate favorite, because that feels like my soul. Like, if someone asked, “Hayley, what do you sound like,” I would send that record. It’s got this heavy weight to it, there’s a lot of boldness, but there’s also some sensitivity and sadness there. And then I also love “Panorama.” I was like, “Wow, I can finally catch up to myself.” One of the lyrics is, “I don’t have to be on top to see,” and that’s what I feel like it’s all about. We don’t have to wait to get that job promotion, or find love, or this or that to enjoy life. 

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