Happy birthday scenarios unwrapped

Is your heart touched when a Facebook friend thanks everybody for remembering their birthday? Mine is, regularly.

But what if you didn’t send a birthday wish, fancy or plain, with or without a birthday cake and animated shooting stars or flames or whatever? You missed it.

Do you feel guilty? Do you send a belated wish?

Advice:

Unless it’s your parent, child or grandchild, just forget it, and use your time to unload the dishwasher. Is the birthday person scrutinizing his or her FB friends list, determining exactly who didn’t say “Happy Birthday”? Probably not.

You’re welcome.

Save your guilt for your own birthday. If you’re old, feel bad about living another year without having accomplished enough for the good of mankind. Or without having made much headway on that list of things you’ve gotta get done before you quit celebrating birthdays.

Incidentally, don’t feel guilty about feeling guilty. Feeling guilty means you’re not a sociopath. Congratulations.

If you’re a young parent you may feel guilty for not throwing big enough parties for your children, especially the ones still in their single digits. “Big enough” is normally defined as the kinds of parties their friends have.

And don’t forget you’ve got to strive for the same level of elaborateness for all your offspring. Otherwise, one or more will be jealous of the feted one and will grow up with sibling jealousy disorder. Once diagnosed, they’ll blame you.

You’re welcome.

Me, I’ve got no siblings and didn’t know what the word meant until the early 1970s. My friends had siblings, but they didn’t know what the word meant either.

At least I had an Aunt Sybil. We digress.

Meanwhile, how important are birthdays? If a child doesn’t get to celebrate on a level tantamount to the celebratory level enjoyed by his or her peers or siblings or both, what will happen?

Besides sibling jealousy disorder? Use your imagination to think of something worse.

Such concerns have turned birthdays into big productions. I just attended a party for a 4-year-old granddaughter. The indoor space with all its fancy play equipment and foam floor was grand. My friend Terri also just attended a party for her 4-year-old granddaughter, hundreds of miles away. We shared pictures.

"Looks like our party,” Terri said.

Yep, the birthday business has achieved franchise status. No surprise. That happens when a good idea makes money.

Per franchise rules, everybody takes their shoes off, even grandparents. The children happily spread their germs over all sorts of stuff, rock climbing wall to zip line. Then cake gets eaten and favors get distributed. It’s the perfect party.

By the way, current birthday protocol dictates no gifts get opened on site. That way no child feels bad for bringing a lesser gift to the party.

If it’s more rewarding to give than receive (which it is), much givers’ joy gets subtracted from the event.

If you agree, you may be guilty of old-fashioned thinking.

That’s OK. You’re still right.

This article originally appeared on Wichita Falls Times Record News: Happy birthday scenarios unwrapped