Guest column: Give foster kids a chance for a family to love

Every year, thousands of teenagers age out of foster care without the support of a family. No one to call when they have a flat tire, nowhere to go for the holidays and no one to share their good news with. It's a heartbreaking statistic, one in which I once feared I'd be a part.

My journey through the foster care system spanned most of my life — 5,176 days, to be precise. Navigating the foster care system has been a defining journey, one that has shaped my perspective and fueled my desire for change.

You may have come across my photo and profile in the Telegram’s Monday’s Child, which features profiles of children and teens in foster care waiting to be adopted.

While these profiles help shed light on who we are, they only scratch the surface. There are so many misconceptions about us. We are often labeled as "bad kids" or "troublemakers" by people in our communities, programs, schools. It's a damaging stereotype that couldn't be further from reality.

All of us entered foster care through no fault of our own and just like any other kid, we long for the love and care of the adults in our life. But that is not something we always receive when joining a foster home or a group home.

A crucial aspect of improving the foster care system lies in the thorough vetting and close oversight of potential caretakers, from foster parents to group home staff. My own story, like many others, includes instances of abuse and neglect at the hands of caregivers who were entrusted with my protection and well-being. Foster care should never be a lottery of safety; we must guarantee a nurturing environment where children can grow safely to be the best versions of themselves.

Besides close ongoing supervision, it's vital to provide regular training opportunities. Offering flexible training options for individuals with unconventional schedules or child care needs will not only enhance the quality of care but also enable a diverse range of people to engage in fostering, adoption or another caregiving role.

Longing for a family to call my own was a daily ache during my time in foster care. What I craved most was the love and care that comes with belonging to a family. The little things like eating dinner together or watching TV. More than a decade after being in care, I was adopted at 19 years old into a loving family of five. Transitioning into an adoptive family presents its own set of challenges for us, requiring patience and empathy from all parties involved.

Adoptive parents, it's really important that you understand that we have got scars from our past, and we need your unwavering support as we step into this new world with you. Please don't give up on us; meet us where we are and learn about trauma-informed parenting. We're going to mess up sometimes, but that's because we haven't had anyone to teach us the basics or stand up for us. But with your help, we'll learn and grow.

You don't need to adopt a child to make a difference in the life of a kid or teen in care. There are many ways you can help: volunteer with the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange to support foster children and families, become a CASA (court appointed special advocate) and provide crucial support and guidance for children in the system, consider opening your home as a foster parent, or advocate for systemic change to improve the foster care system.

It's not a system but a village that raises a child. This Foster Care Awareness Month, consider supporting children and teens in foster care in your community by taking action. Each one of us has the power to create a supportive and nurturing community for children in foster care.

Marisol Santana is a Massachusetts foster care alumna.

This article originally appeared on Telegram & Gazette: Marisol Santana on giving foster children a chance for a family life