Faith | Feeling a bit of ‘road rage’? Swap that curse for something better
Can cursing turn into blessing, where the rubber hits the road?
Incidents of road rage are escalating, reminding me of a conversation I had with a young father during a session preparing his family for the baptism of their two young children.
Looking at the baptismal vows used in my Christian denomination, we got to, “Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?”
The man (I’ll call him John) was silent for a bit, then began to tell the story that led him to start his family attending church.
“I was driving on the highway one day when another car cut me off. The driver seemed to be a man of another skin color, and I blurted out a curse on him that was totally about what I assumed was his race or ethnicity. Then I realized that my kids were in their car seats behind me, and I was sorry I said that in front of my kids,” he said.
John said he drove for a few minutes, thinking about how to undo the damage of what his children had heard. He didn’t want them raised thinking that those words were an acceptable way of speaking about another person.
Then he realized, “That isn’t it” It’s not enough to be sorry that he had said it in front of the children. He was sorry that he had said it at all.
This behavior was not what he wanted from himself. He did not want to be the kind of person who said these things anywhere at any time.
And he drove a few more minutes thinking about what kind of person he was and wanted to be, until it came to him: “That isn’t it” He was sorry that he had meant what he said when he said it. This situation wasn’t just about words.
John realized that his ugly words came from a place within him that was in great need of repentance and renewal. He knew in his heart that without this deeper change, he might at any time blurt out words he would regret.
He remembered going to church as a child and hearing a prayer that said, “Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts”
It was this memory that brought him back to church, hoping for the cleansing he knew he needed, in order to be the father, the man, he wanted to be.
John and I met again to talk about the work of cleansing the thoughts of our hearts. He laughed when he realized that he would probably have blessed the bad driver if the man had sneezed.
We tried to imagine blurting out a blessing instead of a curse, not in approval of someone’s bad behavior, but because they — and we — need to be reminded that God loves them, even if they are flawed human beings acting badly. And be reminded that God loves us too, for we are also flawed human beings often acting badly.
The work of cleansing is simple: In a spirit of humility, open our hearts to God’s love and forgiveness for our own shortcomings. Let God do what God longs to do in our hearts. Practice forgiving as we have been forgiven.
The work of cleansing is difficult: Respecting the dignity of every human being is a tall order in a society that cultivates so much disrespect, incivility and downright hatred. We will be tempted again and again to curse instead of bless. Bad drivers are on every road of life!
In a spirit of humility, John and I asked God to help us bless instead of curse. We laughed at thinking (and praying!) about the surprise we’d cause when we blurted out a blessing in an aggravating situation.
Blessings: They’re not just for sneezes anymore, and never were.
Rev. Jan Griffin is the Congregational Developer for the Southwest region of the Episcopal Diocese of Spokane and living in Richland. Questions and comments should be directed to editor Lucy Luginbill in care of the Tri-City Herald newsroom, 4253 W. 24th Avenue, Kennewick, WA 99336. Or email lluginbill@tricityherald.com.
