Can drinking ‘smart water’ make you smart?
You know, I stopped by a gas station the other day to fill up my car. I got one of those fancy "gas cards" to save money on gas, but it was not very "user friendly."
I complained to my friend Sue who manages the gas station and she said, “Pete, it’s really quite simple and you can save three cents on the gallon and get other benefits."
“Now give me your phone,” Sue said.
I gave her my phone and after messin with it for a while she downloaded an app to get me going; “it’s very easy,” and gave me instructions on using my card.
Sue is brighter than a 100-watt light bulb!
The card now saves me three cents on a gallon and other benefits; maybe you might want one.
Admittedly, I’m not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m always trying to self-improve.
My thinking is slowing down, so I’m always searching for a better approach; that’s why I tried "Smart water."
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You ever hear about "smart water?" They sell it in most gas stations. You can get two bottles of the water for $7; and one bottle for $3.99.
I’m quite sure Sue must drink the stuff, as she is so dang smart!
It’s really a bargain for "smart water" because it has no mud in it like the Potomac.
I know too you always hear our president talking about how there is no "inflation;" why things are so good with the economy; and how he is managing the $34 trillion debt; but I’m fairly well convinced he’s not drinking any "Smart Water."
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And for his wife Jill to be an education professional, and her not keeping cases of smart water in that White House refrigerator extends way beyond my understanding.
I’m thinking the whole country should drink "smart water." It’s expensive but if it can produce a few "eureka" moments, it might be worth it.
For instance, since I’ve been drinking "smart water," I’ve learned some stuff:
Never look at the sun during an eclipse without those special eye glasses
Never go down a one-way street even if you are late for an appointment
When you come to a fork in the road, take it (Yogi Berra); it may get you home
It’s not good for our country to have a $34 trillion debt; only Donald Trump could possibly afford that mortgage, and now he’s even selling Bibles; Amen!
And arresting criminals, and releasing them with no bail; well, that’s a no brainer too!
And have you ever touched a burner on an electric stove to see if it is still hot; not smart!
I’m having a few more sips of this "smart water."
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I know you’re thinking that $7 for two bottles of water is expensive, but let me cheer you up some; there is no inflation in this country.
Just buy one bottle at $3.99 like I do if you can’t afford too (oops, I meant two) and you’ll be a lot smarter.
And here’s another one, maybe you never thought about. When they stopped locking up all those drug addicts and folk with mental health problems in our prisons, guess where they all went?
Yep, to those homeless shelters; no rest for the weary.
Can you feel your new IQ making your head bigger yet?
And you can buy other kinds of water these days too like sparkling, infused, glacier, alkaline, flavored and distilled.
I sort of like that "distilled" water myself with a little apple pie flavoring.
But can’t we all maybe agree, you really can’t beat that "smart water" for improving your intelligence; plus, I even think it makes one more beautiful.
If first lady Dr. Jill Biden is really a "smart" educator, she will be soon giving birthday gifts of this smart water to her husband and other political friends.
I know you think smart water costs too much, but it’s a lot cheaper than borrowing money to go to college and ending up with a huge student loan debt and no job.
And think about this one, if our president and friends begin to drink more smart water, I can almost guarantee they will make better decisions for those many problems popping up quicker than those spring morel mushrooms.
And maybe, if all political leaders started drinking that water, they might come to realize that working together is better than working apart.
And that’s a smidge improvement over being a brainless, dull witted, narcissist, dunce like, simple-minded person who never consumes smart water and gets elected.
Give "smart water" a try if you’re thirsty, it might surprise you.
Maybe not!
Pete Waters is a Sharpsburg resident who writes for The Herald-Mail.
This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Can drinking ‘smart water’ make you smart?
