Divorce, disability, disaster: Just a few reasons the ‘tradwife’ trend needs to stop

I get outraged about a lot of things because being outraged is kind of a hobby of mine. But rarely am I truly gobsmacked. Then I found out about something called “tradwife” and my gobsmackness is officially off the charts.

A tradwife (buzzword for traditional wife) is a woman who embraces the concept of only being a wife and homemaker. Granted that’s not crazy. Many women are stay-at-home moms, but what’s causing me to break out in hives is the number of young women posting on social media about how they want to be “tradwives” and not “waste time on education” and just “marry a rich man.”

Umm, excuse me? Have we traveled back in time 70 plus years? Seriously, what the heck? There is no bigger mistake than relying on a man (or really anyone) to support you forever.

Almost 50% of first-time marriages end in divorce. The rate for second marriages is even higher, at almost 70%. Plus, a woman’s income, on average, falls more than 40% after a divorce.

Then add in death, illness and long-term disability where your spouse can’t work and you have a lesson in burgeoning poverty.

The need to be able to support yourself has never been greater. Have you checked grocery prices lately? They’re up 25% from four years ago. And buying a house? Good luck.

As I was spinning into my gobsmacked black hole of fury and disbelief, I checked in with my 20-something daughter to hopefully have her tell me it was all social media fodder. Sadly, it was not. She confirmed that she knows some young women who think this way.

I asked why and her reply was succinct and not heartening: “Because social media is selling yet another fake lifestyle.”

My sigh over the phone was so intense it made her laugh. Then she brought up that topic of MRS degrees, a slang term for women who attend a college or university with the intention of finding a potential spouse.

“Didn’t you used to tell me about your sorority sisters who went to college to get MRS degrees?”

“Yes, but it was a two-fer. They did get a degree along with a spouse, and let me tell you many of them used that degree because the marriage didn’t make it to their crystal wedding anniversary.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s 15 years. Your 15th wedding anniversary you traditionally get a crystal gift. It symbolizes the clarity of your love.”

“God you’re old. You sound like Grandma.”

“Speaking of your grandma, she would be rolling over in her grave if she knew this.”

“I thought she was cremated?”

“Well, there is that.”

Once I got off the phone, I had an epiphany. I was getting on social media and doing my version of a Ted Talk. I labeled it the “Tradwife Sermon” and I went straight into the belly of the beast: TikTok.

I laid out how hitching your entire financial future on a man was a “fool’s journey.” I even offered up having a panel of women in their 50s who had forsaken education or a trade for marriage, got divorced and discovered that they were virtually unemployable.

Divorce is hard. But the bots who scan your resume and see no current work history for 30 years make it even harder.

Encouragingly, the post got a lot of comments from women who shared their stories. Not encouraging were the few (I’m guessing) younger women who commented in such a way that you knew they believed that would never happen to them.

Ugh. Divorce, marriage — it doesn’t matter. You need an education, a skill, because to quote moms everywhere, that’s the one thing no one can ever take from you.

Reach Sherry Kuehl at snarkyinthesuburbs@gmail.com, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.