Billie Eilish on Her Identity Crisis, Breaking Out of Her Misery and Growing Up

The evolution of Billie Eilish is a magnificent sight to behold.

The 19-year-old pop star opened up about handling fame, not taking live shows for granted in the wake of the pandemic and life's offerings as she embarks on adulthood. The seven-time GRAMMY winner dished on that and more during Vanity Fair's Time Capsule Series, "Same Interview, The Fifth Year."

The "Happier Than Ever" singer exuded confidence as she looked back on her past interviews. At one point, while watching her 2020 interview, Eilish called out the 18-year-old version of herself after explaining why she wouldn't go out in public. 18-year-old Eilish's reason? Because it would turn into "a complete disaster."

That snippet prompted Eilish to realize, "Gosh, that girl was going through an identity crisis," before going on to explain her newfound confidence.

"My attitude used to be, 'Well, I can't go out. You know, I can't go here. I can't go there,'" the singer said. "And I used to just, like not even be able to like go to a park or like go get food or get coffee. It freaks me out."

She continued, "In the last year, I have been opened up to it. I really feel grateful for that because being able to feel confident in stepping outside without a hat and a hood and glasses and a mask and a jacket and doing this or whatever, it's so much better and you don't have to live like that. And I realized that this year that I don't have to live like that."

Eilish also revealed she wasn't being true to herself in some of her prior interviews, and she was finally ready to admit as much.

"Every time I see an interview from that period when I was like 16, I'm like, everything I said was so stupid," she says. "Like not even stupid. It just was like not what I was actually thinking. I was thinking like, I'm overwhelmed. I hate this. Everybody expects something from me. I don't have anything to give them. I f**king suck. My jewelry is cool. I want tattoos. I want a car. That's all I was thinking."

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Fast forward to now, Eilish, who also revealed the location of some new tattoos, said she's in a much better place.

"It's because I had been so miserable for so long that I finally wasn't and I just never shut up about it," she said. "But I've been good. I mean, I'm starting to have like an adulthood, which is new for me and very exciting and I have had new experiences and new people and lots of love."

During the pandemic, Eilish said not having an outlet to express herself like at one of her shows took a toll on her.

"I was really just falling apart, not being able to do shows because they are the thing that makes me feel the best that I am," she explained. "It feels like the best that I can be when I'm on stage. And getting to do that again, I was like rewound like I'm a music box, that I can be in a bad mood before a show and then come off stage and I'm completely rejuvenated."

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