Joe Buck's hair plug addiction nearly ruined his entire broadcasting career
In a story that seems so unbelievable that it makes you check the url to make sure it's really from Sports Illustrated, a story on Thursday revealed the real reason Joe Buck famously lost his voice in 2011 — an addiction to hair plug surgery.
Starting in 1993, Buck began going to New York for secret hair transplant surgeries (yes, this story is 100 percent real) and when he went for his eighth procedure in 2011, there were complications that caused his vocal cord to become paralyzed. Instead of just telling people what happened, he created a lie about a virus to cover up the secret (did anyone ever think that was Buck's real hair?) that the damage was done during cosmetic surgery.
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Also, he's had eight procedures and is basically bald anyway. Maybe this story isn't true?
No! It is true! At least, we have to assume it's true, much like all the ones from 2011 until now that featured Buck claiming the virus thing. Maybe Buck will have a book in 2021 about him lying in 2016 about lying in 2011.
Here's a quote from the SI piece that sure is something:
"When I started thinking about writing a book, this was the main reason why," Buck says. "It wasn't about stories with my Dad. I wanted to detail the time in my life where I had a lot going on and I was stressed, a time when I started to take anti-depressants and was going through a divorce. Then I had this situation with my voice that rocked me to my knees and shook every part of my world. I'm 47 years old now and willing to be vulnerable sharing a story. Whether the book is read by one person or one million doesn't concern me. Getting this out and being honest, really telling my story, that was was the impetus behind this."
Ah, yes. The impetus to be truthful didn't hit him during any of his interviews about the voice; it only hit him when it was time to sell his book. What a coincidence!
Also, the way the SI story is framed makes it seem like the hair plugs themselves caused the issue, like when David Cross became addicted to plugs on Arrested Development.
But according to the story, "A doctor not part of the operation theorized to Buck that the cuff probably got jostled during the procedure and sat on the nerve responsible for firing his left vocal chord. Buck was also going through personal stress at the time, as his marriage to his high school sweetheart was ending. That stress, Buck theorizes, could have made him more susceptible to nerve damage."
Even when Buck is attempting to be honest, he's kinda making crap up. "Maybe my divorce damaged my vocal cord." If anyone has ever experienced a damaged vocal cord because of a divorce, please email me the medical professional that documented that.
Even the apology for lying about this to random media outlets descends into a excuse-driven rationality that is enough to ... screw it, pull your hair out.
"I was lying," Buck said of the stories about his vocal chord issues. "I think people bend the truth all the time, unfortunately. It was really for self-preservation and ego for me. As I look back, I gave partial truths. Where I lied was when I said the reason why."
"Was I lying? Yeah. But maybe it was more of a truth bend. Heck, it was a partial truth, which has some lie in there but also some truth. Thinking back, I only really lied when I lied. Anyway, buy my book!"
As a bald man myself, I get the desire to want glorious blonde hair covering my barren dome. Any man would understand it. Tom Brady is probably reading this and nodding along right now. If I had a rich, famous announcer dad that would've given me money in my 20s to get fake hair, I'd have jumped at it. But this idea that the shame from this caused him to lie about it to everyone he spoke with about it except his book editor is a little annoying. Is this going to be Joel McHale's next book now?
Also, is hair plug addiction even a thing? Is it recognized by any medical communities? Is there something on the Mayo Clinic's web site that acknowledges this? This whole thing reads like a bunch of smoke and mirrors designed to make lying about plugs and lying to people about plugs more sympathetic than it should be.