Jason Kelce lost his mind airing grievances at Eagles parade, and it was amazing

The best part about Philadelphia Eagles center Jason Kelce’s epic championship parade rant — OK, there’s no way to single out just one part as the best — was his outfit as he was going crazy on the microphone.

Dressed like something out of “Aladdin,” (it was apparently an homage to the city’s Mummers Parade) Kelce was given his chance to speak a few words at Thursday’s wild Eagles championship parade. The players before him had been a little fired up. Chris Long and Lane Johnson barked like dogs. Others proclaimed the Eagles were just getting started. Then Kelce started talking and made the greatest speech at a championship parade ever. Hard to see anyone topping it, either. They’ll talk about this everywhere for a long time, and they’ll talk about in Philly forever.

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Philadelphia Eagles championship parade
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Philadelphia Eagles championship parade
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Eagles fans wave a flag outside City Hall before festivities begin on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The city celebrated the Philadelphia Eagles' Super Bowl LII championship with a victory parade. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans of the Philadelphia Eagles cheer ahead of the team's Super Bowl Championship parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles head coach Doug Pederson holds the Lombardi trophy during Super Bowl LII champions parade. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans celebrate during the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Philadelphia Eagles players during the team's Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Quarterback Nick Foles, left, of the Philadelphia Eagles takes pictures during their Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans await the start of the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl parade from the top of an apartment building on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans celebrate with the Philadelphia Eagles during their NFL Super Bowl victory parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots in Super Bowl LII to win their first Super Bowl in franchise history. (Photo by Patrick Smith/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fletcher Cox #91, Brandon Graham #55, and Vinny Curry #75 celebrate during the Super Bowl LII parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans crowd the streets to watch a Super Bowl victory parade for the Philadelphia Eagles NFL football team on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52. (Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Philadelphia Eagles players ride busses during their Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Punter Donnie Jones of the Philadelphia Eagles holds the Vince Lombardi trophy during their Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Philadelphia Eagles fans stand on the window ledges of the Ritz Carlton Hotel during the team's Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Beau Allen, right, of the Philadelphia Eagles during their Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Philadelphia Eagles players ride busses during their Super Bowl Victory Parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans watch the jumbotron during the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans bundled against the cold await the start of the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl Championship parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans celebrate during the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl ceremony on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans bundled against the cold await the start of the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl Championship parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 08: Fans bundled against the cold await the start of the Philadelphia Eagles Super Bowl Championship parade on February 8, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Aaron P. Bernstein/Getty Images)
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; The Philadelphia Eagles approach city hall on the Super Bowl LII parade route in Philadelphia. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles fans line the Super Bowl LII championship parade route outside City Hall. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Nick Foles (L) and quarterback Nate Sudfeld (M) and quarterback Carson Wentz (R) ride atop a bus on the Super Bowl LII parade route in Philadelphia. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; A Philadelphia police officer carries a Philadelphia Eagles flag along the Super Bowl LII Championship parade route on broad street. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 8, 2018; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Eagles fans line the Super Bowl LII Championship parade route outside City Hall. Mandatory Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
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At the Philadelphia Museum of Art, on the Rocky steps, Kelce started ranting. And he went on and on and on, mentioning practically everyone on the roster and how they were slighted. Screaming into the microphone the whole time, the most impressive part of Kelce’s rant is that his voice held up through the whole thing.

Kelce mentioned that general manager Howie Roseman was banished to a corner of the Eagles facilities when he got demoted for Chip Kelly, “where I didn’t see him for over a year.” He called out former NFL executive Michael Lombardi (“some clown named Mike Lombardi,” Kelce called him), who called Doug Pederson the least qualified coach he had ever seen.

It was raw and real. Nothing was off limits. He even said, when listing every slight on every Eagles player, “Lane Johnson can’t lay off the juice!” a reference to Johnson’s PED suspensions. Then he followed that with “Brandon Brooks has anxiety!” in reference to his teammate’s battle with anxiety.

He listed dozens of players while the Eagles coaches and his teammates behind him looked at each other and laughed, perhaps a little uncomfortable but enjoying the show.

“Carson Wentz didn’t go to a Division I school!” Kelce shouted. “Nick Foles don’t got it! Corey Clement is too slow! LeGarrette Blount ain’t got it anymore! Jay Ajayi can’t stay healthy! Torrey Smith can’t catch! Nelson Agholor can’t catch! Zach Ertz can’t block! Brent Celek is too old!”

He kept going.

“It’s the whole team! It’s the WHOLE TEAM!” Kelce said, pounding on the podium like a madman.

It’s impossible to transcribe the whole thing, because Kelce finished it up with some four-letter words that caused the NFL Network to hit the five-second delay button and bleep out Kelce a few times, including dead audio for 34 straight seconds at the end of Kelce’s time at the mic.

Then Ertz was introduced to go next and had the only possible reaction.

“I don’t even know how to follow that,” Ertz said.

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Philadelphia goes nuts after Eagles win Super Bowl
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Philadelphia goes nuts after Eagles win Super Bowl
Fans celebrate the Philadelphia Superbowl LII victory over the New England Patriots in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S. February 4, 2018. REUTERS/Mark Makela TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY
Fans celebrate the Philadelphia Eagles' Superbowl LII victory over the New England Patriots on Broad Street in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S. February 4, 2018. Picture taken February 4, 2018. Beth Soffer/Handout via REUTERS. ATTENTION EDITORS - THIS IMAGE WAS PROVIDED BY A THIRD PARTY
Fans celebrate the Philadelphia Eagles' Superbowl LII victory over the New England Patriots in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S. February 4, 2018. Picture taken February 4, 2018. REUTERS/Chris Kaufman
A fan wearing an underdog mask celebrates the Philadelphia Superbowl LII victory over the New England Patriots in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania U.S. February 4, 2018. Picture taken February 4, 2018. REUTERS/Mark Makela
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 05: philadelphia police officers try to keep fans away after broken macy's store windows while celebrating the Philadelphia Eagles' victory in Super Bowl LII game against the New England Patriots on February 5, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Fans react to Super Bowl LII high-fiving an Eagles fan bus in traffic on February 4, 2018 in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the favored New England Patriots winning their first Super Bowl championship 41-33. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 05: Philadelphia police officers try to keep fans away from City Hall while celebrating the Philadelphia Eagles' victory in Super Bowl LII game against the New England Patriots on February 5, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 05: Fans celebrate in Center City after the Philadelphia Eagles defeated the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl on February 5, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 05: A traffic pole is seen broken while celebrating the Philadelphia Eagles' victory in Super Bowl LII game against the New England Patriots on February 5, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Philadelphia Eagles fans celebrate victory in Super Bowl LII against the New England Patriots on February 4, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Police officers stand guard as Philadelphia Eagles fans celebrate victory in Super Bowl LII game against New England Patriots on February 4, 2018 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania..(Photo by Eduardo Munoz Alvarez/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Eagles fans react to Super Bowl LII on Broad Street near City Hall on February 4, 2018 in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the favored New England Patriots winning their first Super Bowl championship 41-33. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Eagles fans react to Super Bowl LII on Walnut Street near City Hall on February 4, 2018 in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the favored New England Patriots winning their first Super Bowl championship 41-33. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Eagles fans react to Super Bowl LII on Walnut and Broad Streets near City Hall on February 4, 2018 in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the favored New England Patriots winning their first Super Bowl championship 41-33. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
PHILADELPHIA, PA - FEBRUARY 04: Eagles fans react to Super Bowl LII on Walnut and Broad Streets near City Hall on February 4, 2018 in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The Philadelphia Eagles defeated the favored New England Patriots winning their first Super Bowl championship 41-33. (Photo by Corey Perrine/Getty Images)
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Frank Schwabis a writer for Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at shutdown.corner@yahoo.com or follow him on Twitter!

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