Miami Heat's own NBA star Hassan Whiteside has launched a full-scale investigation...into how a dead parrot ended up on his front lawn.
Whiteside took to Snapchat to document his findings and launch a CSI-inspired search into the bird's cause of death. Eyewitnesses include a pond of koi fish and a giant bull dog statue named Rosco, but when questioned, neither snitched. "They've been in the streets too long," according to Whiteside.
— SB Nation (@SBNation) August 13, 2017
Whiteside did some serious, serious detective work. He determined that since there was no blood on the wall, the parrot couldn't have died from a head-on collision. There were no bugs around, so it couldn't have been dead long. No wounds, so it's unlikely the poor parrot died by another animal.
So what happened to this dead parrot?! When will someone come forward and admit to what they've done?
Although he hasn't gotten to the bottom of the crime, Whiteside isn't letting the koi or Rosco off the hook. They are definitely the main suspects.
I'll try my best i I got 2 key witnesses a white koi fish and a bulldog that's all I can speak on at this time
— Hassan Whiteside (@youngwhiteside) August 13, 2017
As of Sunday afternoon, the investigation is still wide open.
RIP to that parrot. Justice will be served.