Chrissy Teigen says she has postpartum depression


Chrissy Teigen often speaks without a filter, and her latest cover story is no exception. In the April issue of Glamour magazine, the model and Internet darling penned a letter about her experience with postpartum depression.

The mother of Luna, who turns one year old next month, begins her letter by acknowledging that she hid her postpartum depression well. "Let me start here: To a lot of you, I think, I seem like the happiest person on the planet," she writes. "I have an incredible husband—John and I have been together for over 10 years. He has seen my successes and failures; I've seen his. He has seen me at my worst, but I will say I don't think I have ever seen him at his.... I had everything I needed to be happy. And yet, for much of the last year, I felt unhappy. What basically everyone around me—but me—knew up until December was this: I have postpartum depression."

Related: Chrissy Teigen through the years:

39 PHOTOS
Chrissy Teigen through the years
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Chrissy Teigen through the years
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - NOVEMBER 11: (L-R) Model Chrissy Teigen, recording artist John Legend and hairstylist Jen Atkin attend The Hollywood Reporter's Beauty Dinner at The London West Hollywood on November 11, 2015 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jeff Vespa/Getty Images for The Hollywood Reporter)
NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 01: Model Chrissy Teigen attends the 2015 CFDA Fashion Awards at Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center on June 1, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images)
LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 17: Model Chrissy Teigen hosts the 2015 Billboard Music Awards at MGM Grand Garden Arena on May 17, 2015 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - MAY 07: (L-R) Hillary Kerr, Louise Roe and Chrissy Teigen attend RAYE shoe launch event hosted by Chrissy Teigen and Hillary Kerr held At Ysabel on May 7, 2015 in West Hollywood, California. (Photo by John Sciulli/Getty Images for REVOLVE)
NEW YORK, NY - MAY 04: Chrissy Teigen (L) and John Legend attend the 'China: Through The Looking Glass' Costume Institute Benefit Gala at the Metropolitan Museum of Art on May 4, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images)
BURBANK, CA - APRIL 26: Model Chrissy Teigen (L) and recording artist John Legend attend The 42nd Annual Daytime Emmy Awards at Warner Bros. Studios on April 26, 2015 in Burbank, California. (Photo by John Sciulli/Getty Images for NATAS)
LOS ANGELES, CA - MARCH 14: Model Chrissy Teigen attends The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber at Sony Pictures Studios on March 14, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 22: Model Chrissy Teigen (L) and musician John Legend attend the 87th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 22, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - FEBRUARY 22: Model Chrissy Teigen attends the 87th Annual Academy Awards at Hollywood & Highland Center on February 22, 2015 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 08: Model Chrissy Teigen (L) and recording artist John Legend attend The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards at the STAPLES Center on February 8, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jeff Vespa/WireImage)
NEW YORK NY - DECEMBER 01: John Legend and wife Chrissy Teigen share sighting on December 1, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Josiah Kamau/BuzzFoto/FilmMagic)
NEW YORK, NY - DECEMBER 01: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are seen in New York City on December 01, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Ignat/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA NOVEMBER 16 (SOUTH AFRICA OUT): US R&B artist John Legend greets his wife Chrissy Teigen upon her arrival at Cape Town International Airport on November 16, 2014 in Cape Town, South Africa. Legend kicked off the South African part of his All of Me Tour on Saturday with a concert at the Grandwest casino. (Photo by Esa Alexander/The Times/Gallo Images/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 14: Chrissy Teigen seen on the streets of Manhattan on November 14, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by James Devaney/GC Images)
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 11: Chrissy Teigen hosts Shutterfly's Wine, Dine and D.I.Y. Design Holiday Event at Sopra on November 11, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by D Dipasupil/Getty Images for Shutterfly)
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 08: Chrissy Teigen speaks onstage during Cosmopolitan Magazine's Fun Fearless Life Conference powered by WME Live at The David Koch Theatre at Lincoln Center on November 8, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Craig Barritt/Getty Images for Cosmopolitan Magazine and WME Live)
NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 23: Chrissy Teigen attends the 31st Annual FGI Night of Stars event at Cipriani Wall Street on October 23, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images)
NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 20: Chrissy Teigen teams up with Visa and Chase to celebrate the launch of Apple Pay with free doughnuts for all New Yorkers from Dough on October 20, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for Visa)
LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 09: (L-R) Actresses Jordana Brewster, Nataha Lyonne and model Chrissy Teigen attend UNIQLO's arrival in Los Angeles at The Beverly Center on October 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/Getty Images for UNIQLO)
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 23: Model Chrissy Teigen attends NBA 2K15 Launch Celebration at The Standard on September 23, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for 2K Games)
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 18: Chrissy Teigen attends XOXO & Chrissy Teigen Fall '14 Campaign Launch Party at The Brickwood on September 18, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for XOXO)
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 18: Christine Teigen attends XOXO & Chrissy Teigen Fall '14 Campaign Launch Party at The Brickwood on September 18, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for XOXO)
LOS ANGELES, CA - AUGUST 29: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend seen at LAX on August 29, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by GVK/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
FLORENCE, ITALY - SEPTEMBER 05: Chrissy Teigen and John Legend attend the White Party Dinner Hosted by Andrea and Veronica Bocelli Celebrating Celebrity Fight Night In Italy Benefitting The Andrea Bocelli Foundation and The Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center on September 5, 2014 at the Bocelli Residence in Forte dei Marme, Italy. (Photo by Andrew Goodman/Getty Images for Celebrity Fight Night)
FLORENCE, ITALY - SEPTEMBER 05: Chrissy Teigen attends the white party dinner hosted by Andrea and Veronica Bocelli celebrating Fight Night In Italy benefitting The Andrea Bocelli Foundation And The Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center on September 5, 2014 in Florence, Italy. (Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Celebrity Fight Night)
NEW YORK, NY - AUGUST 19: (L-R) Actress, singer Rita Ora, chef Dominique 'Cronut King' Ansel and model Chrissy Teigen attend as DKNY celebrates the launch of the new DKNY MYNY fragrance with Rita Ora, Chrissy Teigen, Hannah Bronfman, among other notables, at General Worth Square at Madison Square Park on August 19, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for DKNY)
FLORENCE, ITALY - SEPTEMBER 05: Chrissy Teigen attends the white party dinner hosted by Andrea and Veronica Bocelli celebrating Fight Night In Italy benefitting The Andrea Bocelli Foundation And The Muhammad Ali Parkinson Center on September 5, 2014 in Florence, Italy. (Photo by Rachel Murray/Getty Images for Celebrity Fight Night)
NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 18: Chrissy Teigen attends the CASAMIGOS Tequila presents Tacos & Tequila: A Late Night Fiesta hosted by Bobby Flay during the Food Network New York City Wine & Food Festival Presented By FOOD & WINE at Esurance Rooftop Pier 92 on October 18, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Gustavo Caballero/Getty Images for NYCWFF)
NEW YORK, NY - OCTOBER 17: Model Chrissy Teigen poses at the Yoplait Greek station at the Blue Moon Burger Bash presented by Pat LaFrieda Meats hosted by Rachael Ray during the Food Network New York City Wine & Food Festival Presented By FOOD & WINE at Esurance Rooftop Pier 92 on October 17, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Neilson Barnard/Getty Images for NYCWFF)
LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 10: Model Chrissy Teigen attends the 2014 Variety Power of Women presented by Lifetime at Beverly Wilshire Four Seasons on October 10, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Michael Kovac/Getty Images for Variety)
LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 09: Model Chrissy Teigen attends UNIQLO's arrival in Los Angeles at The Beverly Center on October 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/Getty Images for UNIQLO)
NEW YORK, NY - SEPTEMBER 23: Model Chrissy Teigen attends NBA 2K15 Launch Celebration at The Standard on September 23, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images for 2K Games)
NEW YORK - JULY 28: Chrissy Teigen attends DuJour Magazine and NYY Steak celebrating Chrissy Teigen with FENDI timepieces and Moet Ice on July 28, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Craig Barritt/Getty Images for DuJour)
NEW YORK, NY - JULY 28: Model Chrissy Teigen (L) and musician John Legend attend the DuJour celebration of cover star Chrissy Teigen at NYY Steak Manhattan on July 28, 2014 in New York City. (Photo by Michael Stewart/WireImage)
LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 16: Chrissy Teigen attends the 2014 ESPY Awards at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on July 16, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by C Flanigan/Getty Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 16: (L-R) Model Chrissy Teigen and NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick backstage at The 2014 ESPYS at Nokia Theatre L.A. Live on July 16, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images For ESPYS)
LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 16: Chrissy Teigen is seen on 'Extra' on July 16, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by RB/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 08: Model Chrissy Teigen (L) and recording artist John Legend attend The 57th Annual GRAMMY Awards at the STAPLES Center on February 8, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jeff Vespa/WireImage)
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Part of the reason that it took so long for Teigen to realize she was suffering from postpartum depression: She thought her feelings stemmed from other stressors in her life. "After I had Luna, our home was under construction, so we lived in a rental home, then a hotel, and I blamed whatever stress or detachment or sadness I was feeling at that time on the fact that there were so many odd circumstances," she writes. "I remember thinking: 'Maybe I'll feel better when we have a home.'...I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: 'Maybe I'm just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a mom.'"

But Teigen also started suffering from many physical symptoms of postpartum depression, which include loss of appetite and loss of energy, the Mayo Clinic reports.

"Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful," she writes. "My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn't have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.... I wondered: Am I making this all up? Is this pain even real anymore?.... Before, when I entered a room, I had a presence: head high, shoulders back, big smile. Suddenly I had become this person whose shoulders would cower underneath her chin. I would keep my hands on my belly and try to make myself as small as possible."

Another reason it took so long for Teigen to figure out her diagnosis: The absence of conversations around postpartum depression. "Before this, I had never, ever—in my whole entire life—had one person say to me: 'I have postpartum depression,'" she writes. "Growing up in the nineties, I associated postpartum depression with Susan Smith [a woman now serving life in prison for killing her two sons; her lawyer argued that she suffered from a long history of depression], with people who didn't like their babies or felt like they had to harm their children. I didn't have anything remotely close to those feelings. I looked at Luna every day, amazed by her. So I didn't think I had it."

Related: Chrissy's most memorable tweets.

32 PHOTOS
31 of Chrissy Teigen's most iconic tweets
See Gallery
31 of Chrissy Teigen's most iconic tweets
When she had a baby and dropped this truth bomb:

When she was the best at trolling her husband:

When she was basically every girl who has ever worried about her body:

When she was a little bit of a fangirl:

When she tried to go vegan:

When she made us kind of wish she had her own show:

When she shared this very suggestive bumper sticker:

When she shut her IVF trolls down with this perfect quip:

When she admitted pregnancy fashion is hard:

When she gave us this useful advice:

When she revealed a major flaw in the system:

When she revealed the ways new models really make money:

When she trolled her trolls:

When this was her response about her daughter after the Internet shamed her for going out to dinner with John:

When she reminded us that being a celebrity isn't always all fun and games:

When she admitted her laziness and felt no shame:

When she reminisced about her pre-baby life:

When she was just a little bit immature in the best way possible:

When she fell victim to the WebMD curse:

When she was all of us who hate shaving our legs:

When she was hilariously twisted

When even she couldn't escape this Apple annoyance:

When she needed to be reminded why her small butt is great, too:

When she felt no shame in admitting her love for bread:

When she made this admittedly genius plan:

When she made this observation:

When she didn't know what to do with nail polish, and it was endearing:

When she wasn't sure how to keep Tweeting as a new parent:

When she had no time for the haters:

When her TV choices were relatable AF:

And when she summed up our thoughts about the future:

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"I also just didn't think it could happen to me," Teigen writes. "I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother (who lives with us), a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn't control it. And that's part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I'm struggling. Sometimes I still do."

It was a relief, however, when Teigen finally realized she was struggling with postpartum depression. "I remember being so exhausted but happy to know that we could finally get on the path of getting better," she writes. "John had that same excitement. I started taking an antidepressant, which helped. And I started sharing the news with friends and family—I felt like everyone deserved an explanation, and I didn't know how else to say it other than the only way I know: just saying it. It got easier and easier to say it aloud every time. (I still don't really like to say, 'I have postpartum depression,' because the word 'depression' scares a lot of people. I often just call it 'postpartum.' Maybe I should say it, though. Maybe it will lessen the stigma a bit.)"

The moving letter—which you might want to read with a box of tissues at your side—comes to an end with Teigen addressing her fellow mothers who've had similar journeys: "I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl," she writes. "Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can't imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It's hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day, and I don't know how people do it. I've never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression... Phew! I've hated hiding this from you. XX, Chrissy."

You can read Teigen's April cover story for Glamour in full here, and pick up the issue on newsstands starting March 14.

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